Started reading this, at page 30 at the moment.
So far it's a decent story, here are my issues thus far.
For intros, lose the hair colours of everyone, the judge and bailiff can
be described as that, a judge and bailiff. Also being a judge insinuates
that she will have a black robe on. Who where they dark and light haired guys? I assume
Ted and Philippe? Best to just get their names out right away.
Page 17 "SEVERAL DINERS pore over Phillipe. Darly cringes and surrenders to the ground. Phillipe drops to the ground and clutches Darly’s chin. "
You mean pour not pore. Not sure what happens, do they other people just watch or do the move on Phillipe?
Try and find other words to replaces "snares" after reading it a few times already makes it stick out like a sore thumb.
I'm definitely liking both Maria's and Darly's parts in this story. Maria's more so because she has a strong reason and desire not to take the fall again.