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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Just Got Married Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: May 8th, 2023, 8:43am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Just Got Married by Rehemarose Singo - Drama, Romance, Marriage, Family - A young newly wedded couple goes on a two week honeymoon, their love is tested by a third party. 100 pages - pdf format

For production consideration - No comments required


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  October 9th, 2023, 7:16pm
revised draft
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Iggy
Posted: May 9th, 2023, 1:49pm Report to Moderator
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It's cute melodrama, but looks like it's a draft or something. Would be much easier to read if it's written more accurate. Also you introduce new characters through the dialogue with numbers (their age)! That's pretty strange. The dialogue should consist only of those lines that actor should directly pronounce, and nothing else.

Plus you're changing the names of your characters from time to time. It's not a big problem, but for them who read your script for the first time it's kinda confusing. Now she's Kennedy, next page - she's Ken, at the another one she's Mrs. Broker. If you introduced her as KENNEDY, so she should remain as KENNEDY. "Ken" or "Mrs. Broker" are welcome in dialouges only, where the live speech is advised. And a few more things that scratch the eye...

SPOILERS!!!

"Sven and Kennedy on bed, Kennedy making love like never
before, exploring her wild side intimately with pure lust."

It's very nice from you that you give director a freedom to stage this scene, but in the script you, as a writer, should explain EXACTLY HOW they're making love - the poses, the act itself. You already did that earlier in pervious steamy scene, but why you didn't do it in this one?

As for the pregnancy... I think it's not explained. Why we (the viewers) should believe that it's Ian's baby, not Sven's? Ken had an intimacy with both of them at the same period of time, and the only evidence that works for Ian is Ken's words only:

IAN
Pretty sure it's mine, it's mine, right?
(desperate)
Ken?

KENNEDY
Yes
(chuckles)
It's yours.

IAN
You sure?

KENNEDY
Of course I am.

IAN
Phew...

Well maybe ol pal Ian is okay about that, but I don't buy it, girl! So to me resonally, the intrigue remains the same! lol

But overall it's nice story. Tho it's not my cup of tea but I did finish it. Again I've met intresting female characters - like in your previous script - but this time it's Kennedy and Natalie. They are cool ladies. And again this voice over thing - looks like it's your style. Well anyway, I'd watch it on Netflix. Good luck!
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Rehemarose K. Singo
Posted: May 9th, 2023, 7:44pm Report to Moderator
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It was something i wrote years ago, thank you for pointing out the mistakes, I'll work on them
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