While this script nails the theme to perfection it fails to deliver in the believability department. The story is very cold and superficial and nearly all emotions here stem from dialogue - that's why it doesn't work and why the characters seem so much like plywood. A little character description would help I guess (and I don't mean hair and eye color cos' that tells you nothing about the character).

But for a relatively short short the story it sort of work, it would benifit though from more pages - especially a build-up.

Wow. Sucks to be Elliott...The three act structure is sometimes defined as "put your hero up a tree, throw rocks at him, and then let him back down..." Elliot is stuck up the tree, and getting pummelled...Not so smart to take the heat for his brother...The first argument with Jill doesn't make alot of sense...Why would telling them make a difference? Like they would care? ...The conversation with Carl doesn't really reveal anything new...He's a prison chum, but that's about it...It would seem like it take alot more than Luke's previous history for Elliot to just let Luke walk away...Hard core blackmail or some other form of treachery other than Elliot trying to be a nice guy...That's not logical...

There needs to be some kind of resolution for Elliott..It ends at the end of Act 2..

Fine as drama and meets the criteria