First things first, John Wayne? Why? Then you mention his FULL name again like it matters or is impressive.

How do we see John Wayne working for too little money? Is it written somewhere on his person so we read it? Subtitles? If it was mentioned in a clever way maybe people would understand him helping or maybe his daughter was killed by a killer back in the day.

Telling us in a description about the fire in his eyes is telling us more than descriptions should.

It gave away the ending and took me out of it. The ending felt hokey and just didn't work.

The writing was decent like the others I have read but the script itself is just missing that "pop" to make it really good. I think it may just be the ending though.

First off, I didn't like the use of the John Wayne name.  There was only one John Wayne and if you're gonna go there, I'd would have preferred you use "the Duke."
Didn't care much for the Sunshine name either.  It was as if the writer were saying "who cares about a name?" Or here's a cutesy-goofy name to go with a character everybody will hate.

The smart alec quality in JW the guard left no surprises in what his role would be by story's end.
I liked Crawfish, because it felt like he was a genuine character.  The others were sort of cartoonish.  
Anyway, the story line was in keeping with so many here -- a killing in the institution.  
I didn't think the Greenlight from the top of the food chain worked.  This should be an act that a select few would undertake.  That would feel real.
Was there a distinct scene in which Crawfish signals to JW that he wants the King James Bible?  I know Crawfish squeezes the bars so tight his knuckles go white.  But I think there should be a wink or a nod, so it obvious he is in contact with JW.
And has Crawfish murdered cell mates before?  It seems the way this killing went down was not new to either Crawfish or JW.  Just bring out the Bible and let things take their natural course.
I will say that Sunshine deserved the wire act.  He was a pedophile and didn't in any way seem tortured, remorseful or bothered by his nasty, violent past.  
As I said before, I thought Crawfish was the best developed character and the story angle was OK, but the rest of the elements missed their marks.  Formatting and such were good, though.

I liked these characters, and I liked the names, aside from John Wayne, which is just silly. But you know that by now.  Anyways, very well-drawn characters that I came to appreciate in the short time that I knew them.  Even Jacob, with his O.S. contributions, was amusing to me.

The descriptions here are just long enough to avoid complaints about long descriptions, and they help one to envision the scenes and the characters within them.

I love "INT. 4509" as a slug-line.  This one was written by somebody who knows what they are doing -- and likes to play with conventions while also sticking to the rules.  I always appreciate that.

But the segue into Sunshine’s story, or rather the lack of a segue, is very, very awkward.  It is like a needle skipping on a record.  Points off for that. And it just goes downhill from there, as what happens next -- a sanctioned murder -- simply stretches reality too far.

Excellent -- really excellent -- start.  But I was disappointed by where this story ultimately ends up.  I would have liked something less conventional for these marvelous characters.

OWC Score: 85%  

Agree with the John Wayne reference...If it was a nickname, it should have been the Duke or something less specific.

The problem is that Crawfish betrayed his character; Crawfish, believing as he does, would not have stooped to the level of dispensing prison justice, rather his character would probably have sacrificed his own life (as a messiah of sorts) to preserve the life of his fellow man, child molester or not....That is what this story started off to be, humanity showing itself in inhuman circumstances, in Crawfish and John, like the flower breaking through the concrete.

Rewrite, and LISTEN to the characters this time. Maybe even Sunshine can find peace, although for him, it may be a long and difficult journey...

"In Production".