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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Script Review Exchange  ›  Horror Movie Screenplay Exchange Moderators: the goose
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  Author    Horror Movie Screenplay Exchange  (currently 262 views)
Posted: July 8th, 2018, 8:00pm Report to Moderator

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Love horror films. I will read and review anything you give me in exchange for a read and review on mine.

Title: Snake Bite (working title)
Log line: A young man films himself and his day-to-day lifestyle as part of a online video journal, but things take a harsh turn when he begins to notice a recurring supernatural phenomenon in his footage after a distant relative suddenly moves into his home.
Genre: Found Footage, Horror, Supernatural Horror.
Page count: 98

Thanks in advance.
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Zombie Sean
Posted: July 9th, 2018, 12:15pm Report to Moderator

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Hey there,

I'd love to give this a read as I love found footage. I'll get to it as soon as possible. In the meantime, I would love to hear some feedback from you regarding my script WHERE THE BAD KIDS GO.

Here's an updated version that has not been uploaded to SS yet: link

SS Link:

Logline: Itís been sixteen years since Jesse was taken away from his abusive, alcoholic mother after she had tried to kill him. When he hears of the news that she committed suicide, he returns to his childhood house for preparation to sell it, as well as confront his dark past once and for all. He soon discovers that something evil lurks within the depths of the house, and after all these years, itís been waiting for him to return.

You can email me your thoughts, or comment in the thread, or comment in this thread. However you wanna do it!




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Posted: July 10th, 2018, 5:39am Report to Moderator

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Thank you. Sounds like a plan. I will get to reading your screenplay and post my review as soon as I finish.
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Posted: July 17th, 2018, 5:24pm Report to Moderator

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I have gotten through maybe about 3/4 of the screenplay to Where The Bad Kids Go, and so far it is very interesting. I love how vivid the descriptions are during the action sequences. I can honestly feel Jesse's pain and see all of the torment he went through thus far. I just really like how detailed everything is.

I also thought the whole Jesse and Marco relationship bit was very interesting and bold of you to include. As the reader, I appreciate how Marco isn't just some random dude that pops in and out of the screenplay every now and then. His character has ground in the story.

So far, I say really great job with this. I haven't been able to read as much because I have been so busy with full time job and part time job on side, but I can't wait to finish it, honestly. Just thought I'd get back to you with a response! Great job.
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Posted: July 18th, 2018, 3:55pm Report to Moderator

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Although I don't enjoy horror scripts, I went through the whole thing.

The obvious pros: impeccable grammar/formatting, amazing action blocks (the couple pages towards the end with the house on fire etc, are simply stunning) I could actually see and feel everything.

Regarding the rest..
As an amateur, I found it difficult going back and forth all the time, the flashbacks etc. Had to go back and check the scene headings a few too many times, envision where I trully was twice or even more times and such, but I guess that's just me. Especially regarding the first 25 pages or so, it was really painful to follow. The other flashbacks (for example the ones at the end) felt easier to follow and more 'fluid' (they didn't need to explain, just to show what I was already speculating--).

The three cons imo:
It was not until page 57, that the real nature of Helen's feelings towards her son reveals.  I think, it needs to come a lot sooner.
I would like a better character buildup for Trent. Is he the Thing? I didn't get it clearly at the end.
If i were you, I would ditch some of the Jesse-Marco past/dialogue in the beginning. I got their connection since sentence one, don't need like 10 pages or so.

A trully professional script indeed.

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