Werewülf Games by Paul Serino - Horror - During WWII a group of POWs are recruited to compete in a series of games against each other for the amusement of their Nazi captors. The winners find out they aren't so lucky as their captors turn into bloodthirsty werewolves who force them to run for their lives so they can hunt them down for sport.  98 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Paul,

Gave this a look as your logline sounded interesting.  I have a habit of jumping around, so I apologize in advance.

Bottom of page 9: "The four officers of the S.S. Retire to the parlor... I think the R needs to be lowercase.

Bottom of page 13.  "We can change who we are. It's genetics. We are born with it. You can suppress it. Try to ignore it. But it will always be there..." Is that supposed to be, "We can't?"

Page 58.  "His complexion turns to a deathly palor."  I think you mean "pallor."

Page 82.  You have Strauss say a line but he was shot in the head on page  80.

Page 83. Strauss studies Bowlegs' face. He then looks at Steinhoff.  Then towards the bottom same page. Strauss looks at Armin's body on the ground and smiles.    That's the only two Strauss errors I saw on that page.   Also, "Steinhoff's eys have changed back into their werewolf state." Eyes are misspelled.

Page 84.  Strauss looks at Armin and his stomach sinks.  Strauss is trying his best to stay in this movie. Lol.

To me, your story felt more like an action thriller than horror.   The reason I say that is we don't see a werewolf until page 66 and the story's pacing towards the end.   I felt anticipation.  I just didn't feel that dread that comes with horror.  

You write well across the board, but your dialogue shines.  

At the beginning of your story, I thought Baker was the main character.  By the end, it felt like Bowlegs' story.  

In my opinion, you need to make the werewolves come into play a lot sooner.   Also, I think you don't need the first games.   Or, instead of games, what about their ability to withstand torture?  The ones that survive/don't crack get a shot at running for their freedom? They get taken to the castle and revived.  Treated like royalty.  Out of nowhere they open the doors and tell them to run.  Freedom is that way.  

Since Strauss isn't a werewolf.  What about since he spills the silver nitrate, he has a few silver-capped teeth and they hold him down and jerk them out?  Just a thought. Lol.

What if one of the Officers brings a young son that turns into a small werewolf? A model Hilter youth?  The POWs capture and torture him to lure the daddy werewolf into a trap.

I'm going to stop here.  If you have any questions about something I didn't cover or want to talk story, don't hesitate to ask.  It was a good read and I hope other people check it out.

All the best!

Thanks so much for the comments. This is my first attempt at screenwriting. It is definitely not as easy as it looks. I had so much fun writing this story that I wanted to put it out there. Thank you so much for the constructive words.