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Wow! What luck! I just happen to have a seven page musical drama that I wrote for another contest that was cancelled. It's about this guy that wears two pairs of glasses with parsley sprigs between them and is on a quest to invent the perfect batch of paisley parsnip perfume, an unexcelled aphrodisiac. It's called Green Coloured Glasses. I can enter that, can't I?
A disgruntled, Ex-member of an elite website (currently down due to internal server errors) called Simply Scripts.net..or .com… (no www please) carried out a vicious attack last night on few members while they worked on their OWC contest. A top secret weapon called PERFUMEPARSLEY was used during the attack, a lethal combination of Weed and Parsley, which caused few members to hallucinate. A Clean-up Crew is currently combing through the-still-down site, looking for clues.
Don looks up from the paper at Bert, who shakes his head and rolls his eyes.
Don: Did they find Shelton?
Bert nods as he lights and smokes a pipe.
Bert(blows a perfect circle of smoke): Yeah…at a farm in Iowa, stealing parsley while screaming Done. Done. Done!
Kevan, who just got done watching the clip on TV regarding the SS incident, looks at Phil, who is seated on a chair and has a large piece of duck-tape on his mouth.
Kevan pumps his fist and walks to Phil. He has a large glass of milk in one hand and a plastic, water gun in the other.
Kevan: you see??? Mister OWC!! i told you i'll be back didn't I??
Phil mumbles something as Kevan downs the milk and throws the glass away, he then frames an imaginary headline with his hand.
Kevan: KEVAN THE GREAT AT HARDLY SCRIPTS DOT COM OR DOT NET OR WHATEVER!! you guys just wait! I'm gonna run DON out of town and take over! I WILL RULE THE WORLD!!
Phil keeps mumbling. Kevan finally takes off the duck-tape and looks him straight in the eye..
Jack Amsterdam sings in the background to a small group of men seated at the bar, dressed in Special Forces Fatigues… George Wilson looks at Bert, who downs a shot of Parsley Mix, burps and shakes his head.
Bert: NO! I’m going after him ALONE (he burps again) I can’t have you guys risk your lives. The site needs you. Don is counting on you!
Mike Shelton: Bert..
Bert: NO MIKE! I said NO! I deleted all his threads, I feel responsible for all what’s happening to us. I’m going after Kevan ALONE!
George: happenning or happens?
Bert: I don't know and I don't care! We need to SAVE PHIL!
Mike: Bert, all I’m trying to say is that you have a large bug in your hair!
Bert screams loud as he runs out the door. Mike rolls his eyes as he looks at George, who glances over at Pia, behind the bar.
George: Martini, stirred, not shaken. (to Mike) So, what’s the plan?
AYHAM: Donut? What does that have to do with anything?
ALAN: Banana Chan.
Wesley slowly gathers rope from a pile of rope in the corner that no one noticed until this very moment. George looks up from his parsnip house wine. Jack Amsterdam stops singing.
ALAN: Banana Chan. You all love Banana Chan version 34.6. I made some changes.
Mike looks at Kevan, who stares at the ceiling blankly. Pia rapidly removes glasses from the countertop. A scream emanates from outside the bar growing closer.
ALAN: Here. Copies of Banan Chan for everyone. Along with the movie I was in. I sang, you know.
The scream grows closer. Wesley coils the rope in his hand. Alan tosses several 500+ page manuscripts on the ground. They land with deafening thuds. George drops the parsnip wine.
GEORGE: Whoops. PIA: You did that on purpose. GEORGE: No, it was good. Honest. PIA: Want more. GEORGE: No, thank you.
The scream grows closer.
ALAN: Let's all sit in a circle and read Banana Chan.
Bert blasts through the door, screaming still. He tackles Alan. Rolls off in a hurry. Wesley steps forward and hog ties Alan in an instant. Alan screams. Ayham crumples a page of Banana Chan and stuffs it in Alan's mouth.
SAVING PHIL PART II: Dragon Shelton Vs. Ninja Power. Sponsored by GATORADE.
Kevan nervously paces the room back and forth, talking on a cell phone. Looking good in pink pajamas. Phil is stretched on a sofa, sipping beer. Pistachio shells litter the floor.
Kevan: (on phone)…What I want you can’t give me!
Don: (V.O) Try me!
Kevan: Obama for president!
Don: Done!
Kevan: Ok, try this one…Lower gas prices!
Don: Done!
Kevan: Peace in the Middle East!
Don: Easy. Done!
Kevan: Was there ever life on Mars?
Don: I need a couple of days on this one. Need to make a couple phone calls, but consider it done!
Kevan: Ok. Last one. …An easy, workable, Simply Scripts website that’s always up and running!
Don:…….Kevan… you are a dead man!
CLICK
Kevan looks at Phil, who just picked up another CORONA.
Kevan: (nervous) They’re on the way to save you!
Phil: (burps) oh yeah? Who?
Kevan: the A team…Bert, George and Mike!
Phil: (rolls his eyes) Oh, great!
Kevan: you see, George and Bert I can handle…but Mike…
A group of about 20 Ninjas, armed with swords, form a circle around a lone fighter, dressed in a Karate outfit…Dragon Mike!
Ninja Leader: Dragon Mike Chan, we come to destroy you!
Mike: (heavy Hong Kong accent) Ninja Power leader, me kick you from here to moon! I teach you lesson you never forget!
Ninja Leader: ( hands around his waist) oh yeah?!
Dragon Mike: (pumps his fist) Yeah, oh yeah!
One of the Ninjas makes a move from behind. Mike quickly turns and sticks his index finger in the Ninja’s nose. The Ninja falls dead. Mike then reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a GATORADE.. The Ninjas let out a collective AHHH as they slowly back away.
Mike takes a moment to look at Don, who is seated on a chair behind a CAMERA MAN. Don smiles and gives a thumps up.
Dragon Mike: I am strong because I drink GATORADE!!
Suddenly the circle breaks open, then a WOMAN is pushed in and the circle closes again. This woman is PIA.
Mike: PIA!! Those bastards took you!
Pia: Yeah…hey what’s with the accent, Mike?
Mike: don’t worry about it. Tell me, were you tortured?
Pia: The bastards pulled my hair!
Mike shoots a deadly glare at the Ninjas and pumps his fist again. The ninjas suddenly attack.
A strange, loud sound interrupts the action. We look to the side and find Phil, who just let out a very loud burp. Kevan rolls his eyes as we look back and find:
Mike… quickly takes Pia’s hand and jumps in the air…and stays there as the Ninja’s collide with each other.
Pia (still in the air) Oh, dragon Mike, you are my hero! Can we go down now, please? I’m afraid of heights!
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