This is director Uwe Boll's best film...

The irony is that this is also his least entertaining.

I suppose that technically this is the best video-game to film adaptation yet, as it actually follows the formula of a video-game quite well: there are group fights, boss fights, more group fights, a few poorly acted cutscenes to move the "story" along, a few scant moments of item location and, finally, a big boss battle at the end.  Of course, for a movie, this is a very bad thing.

The "story," as it where, has a damphir (that's a half vampire/half human hybrid) named Rayne out for vengeance against Ben Kingsley's character (what in the blue fuck is Kingsley doing in this?), who, years ago, raped and murdered Rayne's mother.  Also thrown into the mix is three vampire hunters (played by Michael Madsen, Michelle Rodriguez, and, uh... some guy) who are out to rid the world of all the undead.  Also, Billy Zane and Meat Loaf are thrown into the mix for some reason.

Now, like I stated, this is Boll's best film.  It is by far a better made movie then either "House of the Dead" or "Alone in the Dark" (especially "Dark").  What's so funny, though, is that this is not nearly as entertaining as either of Boll's earlier crap masterpieces.  As a matter of fact, until about forty-five minutes into "Bloodrayne," the movie is boring-bad, not unintentionally-funny-bad.

The biggest problem and dissapointment is the script.  In the past, Boll's writers have had no clout.  They where all from independent, straight-to-video horror fare.  This time, though, the script is from writer Guinevere Turner, who has penned not only such acclaimed films as "Go Fish" and the popular television series, "The L Word," but she also co-wrote one of my favorite films, "American Psycho."  Just take a look at this exchange between Rayne and a fortune teller towards the beginning of this movie:

RAYNE: How do you know all of this about me?

FORTUNE TELLER: The writer was too lazy to give you proper character development, so I was thrown in at the last second to explain everything to a wary audience.

All right, she doesn't actually say that, but she might as well.  I guess Turner just proved that actors aren't the only entertainers who can phone in their job.  This one reeks of cliche action dialogue and one of the most lame training montages ever put to film.  Not to mention the bizzarro video-game pacing.

On top of the horrible script is the actors delivering the lines.  Lead actress Kristanna Loken shows exactly why she had few lines in "T3."  As for her castmates, they seem only to be in it for the paycheck, especially Michael Madsen.  He literally looks bored in every single scene.  And his escape from Kingsley's dungeon has to be seen to be believed.  Michelle Rodriguez also does her growling schtick, except this time she does it in this British accent that sort of fades in and out as the movie goes on.  And as for Billy Zane... well, every scene he is in looks like it should have been a deleted scene.  And by "every scene," I mean all two of the ones he's in.

Now, like I said, it takes about forty minutes to get into the so-bad-it's-bad-but-still-good realm.  This is because Boll has managed to top himself as far as awfully filmed love scenes go.  The sex between Rayne and some guy is so out of place and oddly put together, that it is beyond laughable.  Making it even better is the fact that A.) both particapants are still wearing their pants and B.) Rayne decides to grab hold of an open metal door that causes a horrific clanging with each wildly un-erotic thrust from some guy.  It'd be brilliant if it were intentional.

So, why is this better than "Alone" or "House?"  Well, for one, the gore is actually pretty nice.  And Rayne's use of the two swing blades she carries on her arms is pretty cool to see in action.  Also, this one is certainly a bit deeper then either of Boll's earlier video-game rapings, but that's not really saying much.  Finally, some of the big battle scenes are surprisingly epic, though you'll wish that someone would have taken Boll aside and asked him to cut it with the helicopter shots with characters riding on horseback.  It seems that there is at least one every five minutes.

When it comes down to it, I reccomend renting it on DVD, gathering some friends, and, well, getting hammered.  It's probably the best way anyone will enjoy this for what it is.  Just fast forward through the first forty-five minutes and try not to spit anything up during the love scene.

* out of ****

Why does anyone let him make movies.  I would never write a script for him, I would spit in his face and at any amount of money he paid me.  He is one of my top "To Kill" list, he is like number 2.  I can't stand this guy!

As for the movie, I don't think I'll even give it a rent.  My friend (Vampire freak) seen it and loved it.  I wanted to smack him for being a complete fucking moron!

How Boll manages to recruit these A-list actors is inconceivable. It litterally boggles the mind. Especially his next film. Burt Reynolds and Ray Liotta???

I'm disappointed that Michael Madsen did this movie. On the other hand, he was drunk for the entirety of the shooting so at least he managed to get out of this partially unscathed IMO.

Boll gets his money through some German tax thing where if his films are released in America then he gets even more income from Germany?  Some really weird thing.  It's all money though and he's got alot of it.  The poster for Dungeon Siege looks absolutely hilarious!  If you don't believe me, check out IMDB.  You can tell this is gonna be another brilliant piece of work.

No offense to the actors but Kristanna Loken, Michael Madsen, Billy Zane, Meat Loaf and even Michelle Rodriguez aren't A List actors.

Madsen is an enjoyable actor but he's not exactly A List material. Kristanna and Michelle are kind of in career limbo because well they took this role.

They haven't done anything to be A List.

Uwe Boll is smart, he may not have a shred of talent but at least he gets to make films.

Anyways did you guys find that Kristanna looks more like a hooker than Rayne from the video games? In the games she looks like a cool ass kicking bitch but in the film her look screams dirty hooker with a cheap tan.

Michael Madsen is a mess.

Even though he's a great actor, I always cringe when I see him in yet another godawful film.  Even when he's in something good like Sin City, he looks bored.  He needs Quentin to get him out of his slump.

Was Madsen good in Bloodrayne? Because I saw him in the commercial for a split second and he just looked plain out of place to me.

Quoted from Stephen Wegmann Was Madsen good in Bloodrayne? Because I saw him in the commercial for a split second and he just looked plain out of place to me.

He was God awful.  It was painfully obvious that he did not want anything to do with the movie, and only needed to collect a paycheck.  In some scenes, he even looks like he wants to roll his eyes at what's going on around him.  Not to mention, his swordplay could use some work.

Quoted Text He was God awful.  It was painfully obvious that he did not want anything to do with the movie, and only needed to collect a paycheck.  In some scenes, he even looks like he wants to roll his eyes at what's going on around him.  Not to mention, his swordplay could use some work.

lol!!
There's something up with Michael Madsen.  Was he ever that great of an actor?

Quoted from Stephen Wegmann lol!! There's something up with Michael Madsen.  Was he ever that great of an actor?

I myself always thought that he was pretty good in Kill Bill, but that could just be me.  Other than that, I don't think I have seen him in any other movie than Kill Bill, Sin City, and the craptastical Boll Film Bloodrayne.

I forgot, that he is a pretty good voice actor, he doen't seem as bored.

He is in GTA 3 as the mobster Tony, on the radio.  He is actually very funny!  He is a better comic than actor.  I'm not sure if he does Tony's voice as the main character on GTA: Liberty City Story.

Finally saw this "film" the unrated version and must say it deserves a 4 out of 10. Uwe is good visually (The look of this film is nice) but the story, action, dialogue and everything that matters was bad.

Michael Madsen probably only signed on because he was one of the leads which is a nice change but when he talks the audience gets bored... I would love to hear an audience commentary like on Sin City but with boos and people walking out.

How can you make the action that stiff? I mean honestly whomever set-up the fights needs to be fired from the business, taken to Iraq, and left for the terrorists. That's how much I feel about that person.

If only the action or dialogue was good, I could have said this film was average but it's below average but not the worst film ever made.

What is up with Rayne after she escapes and is crying in the woods, the scene creeped me out. (I think it was supposed to be sad) but those noises she made were creepy, as if she was watching two Donkeys going at it while a Lion ate a giant snake.

I have yet to see Bloodrayne but I am a huge fan of the video games.

As far as Michael Madsen goes,

I think he is a brilliant actor. When I saw him in Kill Bill, he was just perfect. Sin City was okay, he didnt have much in it.

I will be checking this out some time soon, Just to see Michael Madsen and Michelle Rodriguez. I have been a fan of hers since Resident Evil.

Quoted from shelbyoops I think he is a brilliant actor. When I saw him in Kill Bill, he was just perfect.

I have to disagree with you. I think brilliant is overthrowing first base by a long shot. He isn't that great of an actor. He's too laid back, and always plays as the same guy.

In Kill Bill I thought he did okay, but not that great.

Was I the only one who liked him in Free Willy?