Are you tired of super hero movies? Are you sick of seeing Captain America, Iron Man, and Black Widow on the big screen? Well tough titties because Captain America: Civil War is here to kick off your Summer at the movies.


Look, if you're completely exhausted of super hero films then you might as well stop right here. Despite what critics are saying, CA:CW isn't going to win you back. It's more of the same, but even more difficult than ever to care about any of these characters while simultaneously keeping all of their stories straight.


That being said, this movie is easily the second best Captain America film, the second best Iron Man film, and the very best Avengers film (which isn't saying much considering Age of Ultron was utter garbage). Yeah, yeah, yeah, Captain America is on the title. But it's a mystery as to why.


But let me take a brief step back and give you a quick synopsis of the film. There are three story lines in this movie:


1. Following the events of Ultron and the deaths of thousands of innocent civilians, Tony Stark wants the Avengers to The Sokovia Accords. These internationally ratified legal documents would keep the Avengers in check, calm the public's fear over the insinuating damage the Avengers cause when saving the world, and would deploy the Avengers only when sanctioned and approved by the UN. Obviously this movie operates in a universe where the UN actually does something. Captain America however, doesn't want to sign mostly because of plot point #2.


2. Captain America tracks down his butt buddy Bucky claiming that he is innocent...yet again.


3. The mysterious Baron Zemo (the antagonist of the film) is up to no good and does some shady shit.


The movie does a decent job juggling all three story lines. Whereas Age of Ultron felt bloated, this film is filled to capacity, but doesn't spill over.


As for the rest of the movie, it's just good. It's not terrible, it's not amazing, it's just there and I guess I'm happy it exists (which is kind of disappointing in its own right). To be honest, I'm struggling to come up with any major critiques or high praise for the film. I left the theater feeling happy that I saw Civil War, but knowing I'll never watch it again. Regardless, here are some additional *SPOILER FREE* takeaways:


Spiderman. Easily the best and worst component of the film. Listen, I love Spidey and will defend the Sam Raimi tooth and nail (even Spiderman 3). And I think it's unfair for people to say he's the best representation of the character to EVER exist on film because he's only in the movie for 15 god damn minutes. That aside, Spiderman kicks ass in this movie. He's absolutely perfect (with the exception of his shitty CGI spidey suit). The casting is spot on, his smart ass quips are funny, and Aunt May is hot. Not joking.  However, his introduction is awkward and pointless. He doesn't belong in this movie. Why in god's name would Tony Stark call upon Peter Parker when he already has a dude who can shoot lasers out of his forehead? It simply doesn't add up. The entire introduction is jarring yet I'm glad they did it.


The Action. Pretty stellar. Apparently the Russo brothers obtained the dude who did the fight choreography for John Wick to work on this movie. And it definitely shows. Despite some occasional  shoddy camera work and a little too much punching, the action is inventive, fast faced, and jaw dropping. This is especially true during the-


The Airport Scene. My god. My fucking god. Seriously, seeing that scene on screen is a nerd's dream come true (wet dream of course). It's so well-crafted and surprisingly creative. It's also the first time when everyone's unique super power comes into play and interacts with other super powers. Oh and Ant-Man kills it. Rudd is an absolute blast on screen and having him in Civil War makes his stand alone film almost worth sitting through...almost. My only gripe with this scene is that it happens too early into the film. Once the fight is over, the film feels deflated because there's another 30 minutes to sit through.


The Central Conflict. In my personal opinion, I never really bought the central conflict of the film. Both Captain and Iron Man make some convincing points, but the entire film would have been solved in 20 minutes if Cap'n just signed the damn documents and approached the team about Bucky. The overarching conflict works, but it never takes flight. I get why Stark and Rogers have opposing stances, but I'm never fully convinced (and a little confused as to why they start fighting so quickly). And they could have done this with a few crucial lines of dialogue referencing past events. If that weren't bad enough, the rest of the characters choose sides seemingly at random, especially Ant-Man. He fights on Captain America's side because he meets Steve first and not Tony. Swear to god. That's his entire motivation.


The Villain. To be honest, he's just okay. We've seen his type before to a much greater degree and having a villain like this one is almost like diminishing returns. Zemo is supposed to be one of the Avenger's greatest enemies. The Zemo in the comics is not the one portrayed in Civil War. And while that may change in later installments, he's downright disappointing. Oh and his "master plan" is so unbelievable because it's endlessly convoluted.


Playing It Safe. This is my biggest gripe with the movie. Without divulging into spoilers, Civil War is a safe movie. Nothing THAT significant happens. Even the ending seems a little too cheery. Marvel doesn't take any risks with this movie and that's exactly what this movie needs. The title requires it god damn it. Even worse, Marvel doesn't want you leaving the theater without a stupid fucking grin on your face. Maybe the movie studios simply invested too much money into this movie NOT to have a happy ending.


And that about wraps it up. I could go into greater detail about Black Panther, the odd looking CG (which isn't necessarily bad, it just looks off), or the kid who brought A FUCKING LASER POINTER into my movie screening, but I've ranted enough.


Overall, B- for me.


And looks at that, not a single comparison to BvS! Go me!

Eh, oookkkaaayyyy. Sounds like expected. I'll save the 30 bucks and stare at a box of Captain Crunch instead.

The imax 3d near me is now $50 for two tickets (which is why I no longer go to blockbuster movies before 10pm).

Don't forget to get the crunch berries!

I think there are a couple reasons why Spiderman was brought in...

The first being they needed more people, In the scene just before Stark and Spiderman, Stark has a little chat with Black Widow where she states that they were seriously understaffed for trying to capture Captain America and the others (even with having the laser guy). Since the Hulk is not an option they both go for their "ideas" Black Widow's being Black Panther and Stark's being Spidey.

The second reason (imo) is shown in the scene where Stark and Parker were having a private chat and mentions his webbing and it's amazing tensile strength, which would be great for catching the others.

What I want to know is how Stark found him so easily.

This kind of felt thrown together to me. But it was an improvement to the previous 2 movies.

Whilst I agree with all the valid criticisms of this one,  by the end of the film they'd managed to completely win me over.

Great to see a well cast Spiderman as well.  Why they struggled so much to inject the humour from the comics into him for so long,  I don't know... But it's good to see a proper one,  finally.

I loved this movie. So dense with interesting, well executed ideas, and has some of the best action scenes in superhero film. (which, by proxy, makes them some of the best action scenes in American film period)

I'll disagree with you on three points:

1. "Why recruit Spider-Man if you have Vision?"

If you had to capture two extremely dangerous supersoldiers, wouldn't you kinda want all hands on deck? If Cap escaped, Ross was going to shoot on sight. Having as many bodies on the field as possible makes that less likely to happen.

2. The Central Conflict

It makes sense Steve doesn't just sign the accords straight away. Warmachine calls Steve's opposition to the accords "arrogant", going on to say "this is the United Nations. It's not S.H.I.E.L.D, it's not Hydra" to which Steve responds "no, but this is still run by people with agendas, and agendas change. What if they send us somewhere we don't want to go? What if there's somewhere we need to go, but they won't let us? We may not be perfect, but the safest hands are still our own". That's a good point on its own, but it's even stronger if you've seen Winter Soldier and consider what happened to S.H.I.E.L.D. Tony almost convinces him to sign later in the film, but once it's revealed what Tony did to Scarlet Witch, Steve's fears are reaffirmed. (There's a significance to his using the word "internment" to describe what Tony did)

The characters don't choose sides at random. Everyone has an emotional/logical tie that leads them siding with either main character.

Vision sides with Tony both because he sees a logical connection between the advent of the Avengers and the ever escalating exploits of supervillains, and because he feels that's the best way to make the world see Scarlet Witch "as he does".

Black Widow sides with Tony because that's the only way to keep the team together and continue superheroing. In her words, "staying together is more important than how we stay together".

Ant-Man gets recruited because of the secret assassins Bucky tells Steve about.

Hawkeye helps Scarlet Witch because he owes her for Age of Ultron. I could go on.

3. "Playing it safe"

I'm not sure i'd call it that. The Captain America series, at its core, is about the degradation and eventual death of Captain America's world/idealism. This film is first and foremost supposed to be the climax of that idea.

As for the *spoiler* at the end; while I agree it isn't as emotionally satisfying as I would have liked, it was still completely logical for that character to do that.