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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Discussion of...    Poetry  ›  Poetry? Moderators: Rob S.
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  Author    Poetry?  (currently 11068 views)
lesleyjl21
Posted: March 21st, 2004, 7:51pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from SonofElrond, posted March 21st, 2004, 7:20pm at here

What you think of the new poems Lesley? Better or worse? Which ones aren't as good and which ones are good? Any one you personally like?


Honey, I don't know that I have a personal preference as you've hit me with quite a few at one time and it's sort of hard to pick when faced with so many. 

They all have their unique merits.  You're a beautiful poet and it's beautiful to see you have an appreciation for poetry in general.

I'll talk to you soon, okay?


true love waits... i guess.
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SonofElrond
Posted: March 21st, 2004, 7:58pm Report to Moderator
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That sounds great. I look forwarding to chatting with you. All the information is in my profile.

I can't wait to read some of your work though.

Hey Shaman, what you think of my poems?

See ya later!
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SonofElrond
Posted: March 21st, 2004, 7:59pm Report to Moderator
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Here are some of my new poems. They are very new so what do you think everyone?


The Great Fire:

Through the dark streets, against the cold blocks of stone there blows a gentle wind, silent and ghostly as it perches over the buildings of ancient homes, habituated of the aged gene, the century family

The doors of wooded perches, dusts its only companion, fire its only enemy,
The streets of fire and intense heat

Where home once stood the sender takes its place, the great fire of ancient Europe, its surprise its plague where there were streets of enlightenment homes of old
Replaced by the broken family

The weeps and sobs that absorb the night, the smoke disappearing of days of turmoil,
Time of civilization the only hope of its survival,
To that which is salvaged

My World:

Justice in a world of bureaucrats, absent to the thoughts of progress
Its evolution a plague to its kind, victories spouted half-truths of the villains
were we to understand, to take part, folly to the man is the only who follows the likes of others, mind of lesser against wills of his own objecting upon his mind and soul
The discomfort, the pity of ones self it absorbs and destroys, trust fleeting,
For the different stand alone, the vile a many of sorts without loyalty
Where he thought he be safe he is scared, thrown by his world
The thin lines of sympathy felt before are faded to a clear exposition of truth that will disappear with the nights tide,
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TheParadoxicalShaman
Posted: March 21st, 2004, 11:17pm Report to Moderator
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thanks for the compliment lesley....

your words are almost if not more poetic than the poems you're commenting on....lol

sometimes when i've read too much shakespeare though, i actually begin to think in iambic pentameter.....like dialogue as sonnets....its really cool!



He wanted to talk.  I wanted to shoot.
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Heretic
Posted: March 22nd, 2004, 12:43am Report to Moderator
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The Prisoner

Misplaced conviction, looks set above deeds
Ode to betrayal cut from bloody eyes
Set in bloody mouths, reveal words which bleed
Mind imprisonment, body still survives

Stalks wary, halls steeped in night and shadow
Narcissistic in nature, not in face
Impulsively negative, shuns meadows
For closed arms, and explicit disgrace

Punished for crimes which seem ethereal
Real in vision, not auditory
Grips memories as once did cold steel
Lady's annoyance ends proffered glory

Vindictive end spawned from vindictive means
Done not with flame but gathered with Hell's fiends

For the same english assignment as Shaman..
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Heretic
Posted: March 22nd, 2004, 12:48am Report to Moderator
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The Obscure

Finds obscurity within shadowed form
Keeps trivial within illusion of depth
Reveals naught, bared the eye of naked storm
Maliciously placid, still draws no breath

Once created through curiosity
Engendered through interest’s continuance
Pressured willing through life’s viscosity
And death trapped in life remains continuous

Castle on insubstantial foundation
Buttressed by a whim, an idea’s knowledge
Falls lacking Thetis’ alliteration
Undesirable truth now acknowledged

From still to motion, then again to still
Notion born of ideas, not of will


My poetry is often hard to understand if you don't know me..
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SonofElrond
Posted: March 22nd, 2004, 1:00am Report to Moderator
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I like the use of words. It don't feel any emotion from it. It feels metalic, for what reason i don't know why. But interesting nonetheless.

What do they mean?
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Alan_Holman
Posted: March 22nd, 2004, 1:33am Report to Moderator
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HAIKU

My lip was so chapped
That when my boss said to smile
Blood gushed down my chin.
                    -BANANA

I giggle myself
into dreams of becoming
a belly dancer.
        -MAIKO

Our games with that man
who won our hearts with his charm
were never again.
            -ROKO

Precious memories
linger eternal past death
an ironic curse.
            -ROKO

(c) - 2004, BANANA CHAN by Alan Holman
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Alan_Holman
Posted: March 22nd, 2004, 2:17am Report to Moderator
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I enjoy poetic dialogue...
--------------------------------------------------

                BUSTER
        Dust off old, wasted, distracting memories of
        dreams of her fading memory -- memories of
        thoughts of her held close.  Held closer than
        enemies, demons that laugh, from dark sides of
        my soul.  Memories carried away by the bird with
        the wings of time -- memories of Maiko.  I hope
        -- a hope intact from where sanity lacked -- for
        her return.  As stories cry to an end, I cry to
        my girlfriend: "RETURN!!!"

-------------------------------------------

                LOUD VOICE
        Don't you remember the Jupiter prophesy?

                BUSTER
        WHAT!?!

                LOUD VOICE
        It said, "They'll cruise a universe, start their
        own/ write a bible, leave it alone!"  Don't you
        remember?

------------------------------------------------------------

                BUSTER
        Each of our popular fads, such as trying to touch
        your tongue to your eye, playing with your ears --
        in private, of course.  Eating hallucinogenic bugs,
        voting, or even figuring out what's the furriest:
        a southern yak or an arctic peach!  All of these
        fads have one thing in common:  their origins were
        blatant acts of social experimentation.

-------------------------------------------------------------

                BUSTER
        I dream my name/ My name is fame/ Something I said
        sticks in your head/ I'm style -- I stay a while, you
        smile! / I'm too much to touch/ Open your ear, and peer
        inside my lyrics, 'cuz your sin didn't win/ You see,
        I'm the key to your fear, a seer of truth/ The kid in
        rain hid from the train, a drain, my pain/ It's clear
        I'm here to stay, you'll pay...FOR THIS BOOK!

(c) - 2004, BANANA CHAN by Alan Holman
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lesleyjl21
Posted: March 22nd, 2004, 1:32pm Report to Moderator
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Yeah, I got that the first one was similar in assignment, Heretic.  I would have guessed you both were in the same English class.

Let me ask you...

Is "The Obscure" about you?  Do you see yourself as sort of an enigma, like a mystery of sorts?  It's very craftily composed.  You twist your words in such a genius way... You see yourself as light and easygoing on the surface, but masking inner depth and passion it would take time to reveal.  If asked a deep question like "What do you believe human purpose is?" you would take it into very real consideration and answer deeply and honestly.  You keep that part of you mostly hidden.

Your experiences in life have molded you into who you are.  Your have a certain amount of instability you feel present.  Maybe you see life as an ocean that tosses you around, as you say "from still to motion and again to still."

I found this immensely moving. 



true love waits... i guess.
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lesleyjl21
Posted: March 22nd, 2004, 1:53pm Report to Moderator
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This is mainly for you, Elrond.  You were kind enough to express interest in all my works, no matter the subject matter. 

You know what I've found?  My poetry tends to tell a story more than anything else.  I don't write it very often in the first place, but I tend to fantasize in my poetry.  I rarely get down to just raw emotion.  So this next one is more of a story in poetic form.  It's kind of special to me because I've hung onto it a few years.

Tingling I reel within,
a schoolgirl giddy on
the aftertaste
of mouthwatering
lemon juice.

Puckering my lips,
crystalline orbs penetrate
my entire being
I savor
the delicate hairs
of his left arm against my right
skin burning,
my imagination
my reality.

Tangled in the sheets
I am paralyzed:
he is desire,
a wet dream personified
It hits me.
I am fucking desire.

He says no
that he loves only her-
can’t bear to spend a whole night
without her by his side.
She is the
diamond twinkle in his
sparkling eyes.
The sun and moon rise
at her whim.

He tells me he thinks of her
as grass grows in spring,
wonders what she is doing.
Her permanent place of existence
in his dreams;  he is lost
when she is not near.

I listen to him.
I watch him-them-together.
She is beautiful,
like hundreds of lilies
scattered carelessly
over a blooming hillside
nestled against the ocean.

He is a calming rain,
blissful and soothing,
falling ever so gently
from clouds above.
Closing my eyes,
I open my mouth
and tilt my head up.

Love me, I lament,
and in my mind
I hold him achingly close.

But he says no
and swears to me
he loves only her,
with her satin skin,
iridescent eyes,
sweet red cherry lips
ripe to the picking,
to fill overflowing baskets,
to tie stems with my tongue.

She speaks in rhyme,
so innocent, so free of care.
She lives in her element
dances on stars
rides graceful winged horses
that soar through
tears in my eyes.

Bleed with me,
I beg.
I am asking too much
How perfect his svelte form
He dresses.

I stare at her photograph...
and I ask him
if he is coming back tomorrow.


true love waits... i guess.
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TheParadoxicalShaman
Posted: March 22nd, 2004, 5:08pm Report to Moderator
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hows this for off the top of my head?  Completely random words jumbled together in a makeshift pile of stinking, reeking sh*t....but i bet i could get better marks with it than some of the other guys in my class....

see what i'm talking about with my ego?  it's growing...



Bleached adolescent doused in filmy residue
Of sundry intellect and baseless glamour
That dances heartedly in variant hue
And lends its hand to tempered clamour

Voyage obscene in upbraided breach of faith
Contends with perversions of reality unearthed
Ethereal as distanced times below the wraith
Who flutter gossamer wings in subtle mirth

Beneath a throne of ebon fortitude
That resounds in harmonic passages of time
To silence noiseless epithets of brute
Now end this ridicule with a final rhyme


He wanted to talk.  I wanted to shoot.
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lesleyjl21
Posted: March 22nd, 2004, 5:26pm Report to Moderator
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It's not shit.  Now you're just fishing for compliments... LOL.

And you, my friend, are a beautiful poetic mess of youth intertwined with superb intelligence and self gratification in your unique musings.


true love waits... i guess.
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Alan_Holman
Posted: March 22nd, 2004, 5:39pm Report to Moderator
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I really enjoyed this one by lesley...

Tingling I reel within,
a schoolgirl giddy on
the aftertaste
of mouthwatering
lemon juice.
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SonofElrond
Posted: March 22nd, 2004, 7:01pm Report to Moderator
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Lesley what did you think of The Great Fire and My World? I am not sure if you saw them. Curious what you thought? I am writing more poems. Take it easy.
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