Thanks for sharing your screenplay here. I'm looking forward to reading it.
I see you are welcoming feedback, so...
I noted two things within the first minute of reading that I think could strongly limit your chance of selling this (and creating a great reading experience).
1] Your action description blocks are too long. You need to edit out anything unnecessary and break them into multiple shorter paragraphs.
2] The "We pan" and "We close in" style is really annoying to read. Just say what is seen. Let the future director (hopefully!) worry about camera movements and angles.
Going to read more now.
By the way, check out my short "The Bus Ride" if you're interested.