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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Romantic Comedy  ›  A Pleasant Summer in the Country
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  Author    A Pleasant Summer in the Country  (currently 104 views)
Don
Posted: July 11th, 2018, 4:12pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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A Pleasant Summer in the Country by David Fell - RomCom - American, Jeff, spends the summer with his friend's mad, aristocratic family. Guests are shot, there are wild parties, people fall in and out of love, all ends happily ever after, sort of. 116 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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MGray
Posted: July 20th, 2018, 10:07pm Report to Moderator
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Hi David,
Thanks for sharing your screenplay here. I'm looking forward to reading it.
I see you are welcoming feedback, so...
I noted two things within the first minute of reading that I think could strongly limit your chance of selling this (and creating a great reading experience).
1] Your action description blocks are too long. You need to edit out anything unnecessary and break them into multiple shorter paragraphs.
2] The "We pan" and "We close in" style is really annoying to read. Just say what is seen.  Let the future director (hopefully!) worry about camera movements and angles.  
Going to read more now.
By the way, check out my short "The Bus Ride" if you're interested.
Cheers,
Mitchell
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eldave1
Posted: July 21st, 2018, 6:01pm Report to Moderator
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Need a Separate Title Page

Scene Headings are in the wrong format

Lose the camera directions.

You're missing commas - it's Good throw, Penelope.  

You should not insert a parenthetical in dialogue.

You opening action block is 12 lines - far, far too long.

Wrong font and format.

Open some scripts, do some Google research. Right now you're not close. But you can get there.



My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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