Hey what's up guys,

Just a little question on how to (correctly) write time-lapses (in my cases, a scene where a character sits in a park, contemplating whether or not to turn himself in to the police).

So basically, my character sits in a park for a few hours (from about 2 or 3am until sunrise). He's just witnessed and been an accessory to murder, so he's battling with his conscience, and needs to decide whether or not to hand himself over to the old five-oh.

But yeah, basically I want the scene to move at a very fast pace, but I have no idea how to write it. I'm aware these kind of things are left to the director, but as I plan to direct this script myself, I kind of wanted to know how to correctly write it

Cheers, Toby.

Hey Toby,

This is just one way of doing it:

EXT. PARK - NIGHT

The moon lights Joe as he sits on a bench in a deserted park. His eyes vacant, contemplating.

LATER

Birds chirp as the sun rises behind Joe, still seated on the bench.

Or you could substitute "LATER" with a new slug "EXT. PARK - DAY".

Cheers man, that's how I thought it should be done. Appreciate you clearing it up

Toby

TIME LAPSE

The Chevy stays in the same place as everything around it changes.

-- Jimmy disappears

-- The day evolves into night as lights go on, then out, in the building behind the car.

-- Two teenagers gather around the Chevy, then disappear.

-- A light rain drizzles.

EXT. STREET - MORNING

The only sound is rain on the Chevy. And then the usual sounds of morning become apparent.

I have a question that's kinda related, but also not. Thought I'd stick in this already existing thread, though, since it is about the passage of time.

Here's what I'm trying to describe: character puts backpack down on toilet lid, unzips it, and then the next shot is him straightening his tie in the mirror. How do I show that it's a cut to a couple of minutes later in the same location? This is what I have at the moment:

INT. COFFEE SHOP TOILETS - DAY

Mike enters the toilets, which are empty. He goes into a cubicle, locks the door, puts the backpack on the closed lid of the toilet, and unzips it.

INT. COFFEE SHOP TOILETS - A FEW MINUTES LATER

Mike looks at himself in the mirror, now dressed in a suit and clean white shirt. He fiddles with the knot of his black tie...(etc.)

Is there a tidier way of doing it? I think the new slugline, given that it's the same location and only a tiny bit later, is just naggingly unnecessary. I was thinking of putting:

...and unzips it.

CUT TO:

A few minutes later, Mike stands at the washbasins, looking at himself. He is now dressed in a suit and clean white shirt. He fiddles with the knot of his black tie...

I just don't know how to capture that sense of a sudden transition, a jump in time actually triggerred by the sound of bag being unzipped. Help!

Jon

INT. COFFEE SHOP TOILETS - DAY

Mike enters the empty toilets, a backpack slung across his arm. He goes into a cubicle, locks the door.  The bag unzips.

MOMENTS LATER

Mike stands at the washbasins, now dressed in a suit and clean white shirt. He checks his appearance in the mirror, fiddles with the knot of his black tie...

I would write a sequence like this all in just one scene:

EXT. PARK -- DAY

MAN sits on the bench.  He thinks.

Much LATER he still sits in the same spot.  Some birds have rested next to him.

Even LATER he still sits on the bench.  The birds are gone and have bin replaced by an ELDERLY WOMAN who feeds passing ducks.

Maybe a few DAYS LATER, he has not moved an inch, his stare has not broken, a beard is growing on his face and there is no one around him.


I don't know something like that maybe. You should do it how ever you feel no one can say anything about it, it's your writing style, screw who ever says otherwise.

Quoted from Shelton INT. COFFEE SHOP TOILETS - DAY Mike enters the empty toilets, a backpack slung across his arm. He goes into a cubicle, locks the door.  The bag unzips. MOMENTS LATER Mike stands at the washbasins, now dressed in a suit and clean white shirt. He checks his appearance in the mirror, fiddles with the knot of his black tie...

You may also want to show Mike pulling the sit out of bag.  Then show the MOMENTS LATER....


Phil

Thank you, highly helpful people! I'll go with MOMENTS LATER.

Phil - I did have him pull out the suit jacket and look at it at first. But then I changed it, because I wanted it to be the zzzzzzzzp of the bag that marked the little time leap. Of course, that's a director's choice. But that's what I imagined. I'll see.

Jon

Quoted from dogglebe You may also want to show Mike pulling the sit out of bag.  Then show the MOMENTS LATER....

I went the shorter route because once he shuts the door, you won't see him again until he's in front of the mirror moments later in the suit.  

Putting the bag down, opening it, and taking out the suit aren't needed if all you're looking at is a closed door for two seconds.