Howdy, Kenneth
Lotsa material to work with here. That's a good thing.
1 - As Washington obsesses over a Supreme Court vacancy,
2 - a well-respected reporter commits suicide.
3 - A U.S. Senator must say goodbye to the old college friend,
4 - even as a woman from his past and
5 - the reporter's bequest set him on
6 - an unlikely collision course with
7 - the nation's real power brokers - the lobbyists.
Shorter version:
1 - The unexpected death of a
2 - well-respected reporter
3 - shocks a Washington consumed by a
4 - Supreme Court vacancy, and
5 - reunites Senator Adams with a
6 - college friend, a detective who
7 - refuses to rule the death a suicide.
Too many elements, even if they are all important. Eventually.
Cut it down to three or four elements.
Delete the shocked Washington + Supreme Court vacancy elements.
What've we got left... ?
1 - The unexpected death of a
2 - well-respected reporter
5 - reunites Senator Adams with a
6 - college friend, a detective who
7 - refuses to rule the death a suicide.
Let's run it out, now:
The unexpected death of a well-respected reporter reunites Senator Adams with a college friend, a detective who refuses to rule the death a suicide.
Better.
Delete the name Adams.
The unexpected death of a well-respected reporter reunites a Senator with a college friend, a detective who refuses to rule the death a suicide.
Better still, but... meh?
No desperation.
Let's check out some logline winners.
http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/12/top-25-announced.htmlSee if we can find a similar situation to pattern off of.
These fit your situation and contain desperate elements:
Comedy
Short Term Forecast by Brad Sorensen (Ottawa) -
After discovering a fax machine that can send and receive messages one day into the future,
an impossibly inaccurate weather man
struggles for career advancement
while trying to maintain the space/time continuum.
Comedy
Get Motivated by Stephen Hoover -
When a company motivational camping trip
turns into a life and death
struggle, a put-upon underling
takes action and
leads an uprising against his oppressive boss.
Thriller
Synapse by Matthew Sinclair-Foreman - During a brain operation, a man has an out of body experience
in which he witnesses a murder in the hospital. Debilitated by neurological post-op side effects,
he must catch the killer
before his investigation turns him into the next victim.
Now, lettuce template some of those desperate elements and insert you elements.
The
questionable death of a D.C. reporter
forces a Senator and detective
to investigate a Congressional conspiracy.
Hmm... lame.
Recoiling from the traumatic death of a best friend, a [adjective] Senator
struggles to investigate his possible murder
while trying to maintain his family relationships.
When the death of a DC reporter
increasingly looks like murder, a [adjective] Senator and [adjective] detective
must lead an investigation to the steps of congressional lobbyists.
Faced with
increasingly undeniable evidence from a [adjective] detective, a [adjective] Senator
must hold onto his family
before his investigation into institutional killings makes him the next target.
Probably the better of these.
Something like those.