Just looking on this site re posting my script and I can have up to three sentences for the logline. Now that's better.

Conspiracies collide and a living nightmare begins when a smuggler uses a serial killer to take horrific revenge upon a vicious drug lord.

??????? I think it shows there's more to it than a simple revenge tale.

Again all your thoughts are welcome.

Paul

Quoted from PaulUK Conspiracies collide when a smuggler uses a serial killer to take horrific revenge upon a vicious drug lord.l

When I think conspiracies, I think the government.

Someone referred to cat-and-mouse games, earlier.  Work with that.


Phil

But there are no cat-and-mouse games.

How would you describe how the smuggler and hitman are going after the drug dealer?

And, for Christ's-sake, review some scripts.  Free advice isn't free, ya know.


Phil

Phil,

Please please please.
Cat-and-mouse = "a contrived action involving constant pursuit, near captures, and repeated escapes" (yeah I copied-and-pasted) and that's not what happens.

When I get all the online connection problems with a certain service provider sorted out I will indeed spend more time on this site and will gladly share my thoughts. For what they are worth. Until then just a few snatched moments I'm afraid.

We won't know how, exactly, the smuggler pursues the drug lord until we see a script.  And reading other people's scripts help you get read.

Download a couple of shorts and see if their loglines apply to their stories.  Loglines don't have to be completely accurate; they have to get you to read the script.


Phil

Thanks Phil,
It's all good stuff.

Hi,
Well someone has shown interest in my logline, which I did get down to a few words. Let us see if it works out hey?

Happy New Year to everyone.  

Hi,
I have contacted many agents and production companies etc re my script "Watch And See" and I've sent my script to a few. While awaiting their response I find myself fiddling with the logline. We all know the reasons why loglines are not easy. Anyway please do take a look and let me know your thoughts, maybe I should just leave it alone, take up knitting, spend more time writing. I know, I know.  

The logline I have used which has gained some interest in my script is:
After surviving being shot by a drug lord an amoral but charming smuggler teams up with a vigilante cop to use a serial killer as a hit man to take revenge.

The logline I'm thinking of using is:
A husband and wife smuggling team use a serial killer to take revenge against a drug lord.But the drug lord's six year old son is with him as the serial killer closes in.

Any thoughts ???