I've run into a problem introducing multiple characters for a scene. Actually, I've run into it a couple times now, so would like help. Suggestions or links to scripts where it is done well would be appreciated.

The issue is introducing multiple characters in a scene. Let me give 2 examples: a poker game, and a combat unit on patrol.

Let's start with the poker game. Suppose there are 6 players. And then say there is another person watching the game. Maybe a guy whose wife's playing, or he is a dealer. Each of these players has a personality that will come into play in the scene. I was able to describe them in a line or two. The problem was when to provide the description.

I didn't want to overwhelm the reader with a string of descriptions. Kind of ruins the flow. So I simply said how many were in the game, and then described them first chance I got, in other words when they did something. As it is a card game, this mostly went in order of the game.

The person who read this for me had a problem with all these people being introduced throughout the scene. It confused him a little. He suggested using less players.

That would make things easier, but it is very limiting. There generally are 6 players in this kind of card game, and they each had a role to play in the scene.

The next time I encountered the problem was a scene that begins with 5 soldiers and 2 guides on patrol. They are all necessary to the story. The way I have it written now has an action block introducing the guides, names no description except age. Then I have the soldiers introduced in one action block, no description except age.

But I proceed to describe the characters over the next pages as they each say or do something. Does that make sense?

I guess I would sum up the problem as this: trying to present the information so that it is clear and formatted right, without interrupting the flow of the story.

Any help appreciated!

Kevin

Kevin, my advice is never to remove characters because something about having them is difficult.

Pretend you're watching an actual movie.  When characters first appear onscreen, they are rarely immediately named...that all comes when there is an opportunity to let the audience in on who they are exactly, or at least what their name is.

In a written script, we get teh opportunity to "help" our readers along by naming each and every character immediately.  Some find it difficult to remember everyone, especially when numerous characters are intro'd togetehr, but who cares, really...you know?  Assuming these characters have pivitol roles in the script, there will be plenty of time for your readers to get to know them.

So, my advice is always to intro them immediately as they are first shown onscreen.  IMo, you don't need alot of detail when describing characters, because whatever you're going to throw out there, should become clear based on their actions throughout the script.  If you need to tell us what they're wearing or a physical description, just do it and don't worry about yuor readers having issues associating with everyone.

Here's one example from Predator:

INT. HELICOPTER - NIGHT                                5

         Illuminated by the eerie red glow of NIGHT LIGHTS, are
         SEVEN MEN, dressed in jungle camouflage, soft hats and
         camouflage face-makeup.  They wear no identity badges
         or insignias.  The man are checking their WEAPONS,
         making last minute adjustments to their GEAR.

         The compartment reverberates with the NOISE of the
         THUMPING ROTORS and the ROAR of air from the open
         doors.

         BLAIN, weapons and ordinance specialist, a frightening
         bull of a man, a 240 pound killer, removes from his
         shirtpocket a think PLUG OF TOBACCO.  He looks across
         at:

         MAC, a huge bear of a man, black, holding am M-60
         MACHINE GUN.  Blain holds out the tobacco to Mac who
         refuses with a gentle shake of the head, a knowing
         smile, he knows what's coming.

         Holding the plug between his teeth Blain yanks free
         from his shoulder scabbard a wicked, ten inch COMBAT
         KNIFE.  Placing the razor sharp blade next to his lips
         he slices through the plug as if it were butter.  He
         chews throughtfully.

         Seated by the open doorway is RAMIREZ, a slight,
         angular man, an East L.A. streetwise Chicano.

         Adding a final piece of camouflage TAPE to his pack
         HARNESS, he looks up and smiles, faking a throw and
         the bulleting the tape to:

         HAWKINS, the radioman and medic, Irish, street-tough,
         reading a rolled-up magazine, as if he were a rush hour
         commuter.  He snags the tape with an instinctual snap

                                                      (CONTINUED)

------------------------------------------------------------------------
         REVISED - "HUNTER" - 4/17/86                           9

                                                                *

   5     CONTINUED:                                             5

         of the wrist, continuing to read for a moment before
         looking up, grinning at Ramirez, his boyish, eager
         face belying the rugged professional beneath.  He
         turns his gaze to the man next to him:

         BILLY, the Kit Carson Scout, an American Indian, proud,
         stoic, a man of quiet strength and simplicity,
         carefully replacing the FIRING MECHANISM of his M-203,
         working its action several times.  He looks up with a
         smile at Hawkins.

                                 HAWKINS
                         (shouting)
                  Hey, Billy, how many marines
                  does it take to eat a squirrel?

         Billy looks back, shaking his head, uncomprehending.

                                 HAWKINS
                  Two.  One to eat it and one
                  to watch for cars.

         Hawkins laughs heartily at his joke.

There's no 'one solution fit's all' answer to your question. It all depends, on how important the characters are, in how many scenes they appear in, if they have speaking parts etc.

This topic of conversation comes up atleast once a yeaer; a bunch of us argue the best way to introduce a crowded room.  I just want to start out by saying that those who disagree with me are a-holes!

If you introduce six people, seated around a poker table in one sentence (a list), no one will remember them.  It's too much information to throw at the readers at once.  Instead, list one or two of the characters at a time, doing something.

Quoted Text INT.  SMALL ROOM - NIGHT DAVID (55) shuffles cards.  His short pudgy fingers (like the rest of him) fight the cards.  PAUL (45), watches him from the adjacent seat.  The two are dressed in beefeater T-shirts.  Sweat pours from their faces.              PAUL You having problems with those cards--?              DAVID I'm fine. A few of the cards fall on the green cloth table where chips are piled up neatly.  David quickly scoops them up and continues shuffling.              PAUL Really?  From here, it's looks like a battle--              DAVID I'm fine! STEVIE (55) stands at a nearby card table.  Sandwiches sit on paper plates.  He looks over the buffet, annoyed.  He tucks his tie into his shirt pocket.              STEVE Why is everything here on white?              DAVID Because Muriel bought white bread.  That's why? Steve places a sandwich on a plate and turns back to the table.              STEVE It's not healthy for you.  They bleach all the nutrients out. CARL (50) finishes a bottle of beer.  He places the empty next to him on the table, next to its four brothers.  He's very unkept              CARL That's true.  I read that in Reader's Digest.              DAVID You want whole wheat, you bring the sandwiches next time.  Tonight, they're on white bread. More cards slip out from the deck.              PAUL I hear whole grains gives you a better grip on the cards when you shuffle--              DAVID Shut the hell up!  Who's in?

If you introduce them separately, people remember them.  If you wrote that PAUL (55), DAVID (65), STEVE (55) and CARL (50) sit around the table, the reader can't identify with them.


Phil

Although that is definitely a good example from a pro script that basically everyone knows, it also shows how things have changed over time...at least they've hopefully changed.

There is so much detail given there in that example...too much detail, IMO.  It's almost comical to me the way everyone is described...but maybe that's just me.  "A bull of a man"...and..."a bear of a man"...HaHa...which one is bigger and tougher?

  But the general principal is what i was referring to in a roundabout way.

Intro the "group" first gernerically. Then, go through the line of characters, if that's what yuo want to do.  Or, just intro each as they have something to do or say.

Quoted from Dreamscale Although that is definitely a good example from a pro script that basically everyone knows, it also shows how things have changed over time...at least they've hopefully changed. There is so much detail given there in that example...too much detail, IMO.  It's almost comical to me the way everyone is described...but maybe that's just me.  "A bull of a man"...and..."a bear of a man"...HaHa...which one is bigger and tougher?   But the general principal is what i was referring to in a roundabout way. Intro the "group" first gernerically. Then, go through the line of characters, if that's what yuo want to do.  Or, just intro each as they have something to do or say.

Was just thinking the very same thing when I pasted it - but like you said it's there just to illustrate a point.

Quoted from Dreamscale So, my advice is always to intro them immediately as they are first shown onscreen.

Jeff's a good writer. Though, we seldom agree. Machine gunning character intro's to start your script is not a good idea IMO. You haven't been here as long as some of us, I'll take it you never read AJR's GRAND AVENUE? He got slaughtered for character intro's in the beginning, yet, it is one of the more promissing scripts I've ever read here. Its been yanked, because he is working hard to get it to film.

I think you can intro characters. For lack of a better word, in a sexy way. Only describe what we have to know. If it soesn't pertain to the story, who gives a fuck if he's fat or has a beard.

I'm tooting my own horn now. You've read So Pretty. I intro the two main characters off the bat. The other three after the challenge is offered. I think it flowed well that way. Too many intros out of the gate is a sloppy read IMO.

hope this helps.

James

It's nice if you happen to be the director AND the writer. I just thought of a script to look at that has a scene similar to what I was thinking of: Reservoir Dogs. And I found it online.

Unfortunately, QT provides no description.

http://www.scribd.com/doc/25164568/Reservoir-Dogs-Screenplay

Mr Black, Mr White and so forth. Then right to the dialogue.

Thanks Jeff.

Edit: thanks JW

I think I will try to avoid machine gun introductions, but make sure things are clear. I don't generally have problems with character descriptions. I can usually come up with something that paints a picture in a sentence. The main issue for me is lining these all up at once, or spacing them a little.

A secondary issue is this: sometimes I don't think much description is needed. That topic is addressed elsewhere here. But for me, for example, if I have a "gang of youths led by a big bully", that should be close to enough for the director. Let him fill in the blanks based on what cast is available.

Edit 2: thanks Eoin; good example. I think Jeff is right that it might be a little too descriptive, but still a great example.

Phil, the method you suggest is actually close to what I did, though my descriptions were slightly more and the action involved required things to be a little more spread out.

Quoted from leitskev It's nice if you happen to be the director AND the writer. I just thought of a script to look at that has a scene similar to what I was thinking of: Reservoir Dogs. And I found it online. Unfortunately, QT provides no description. http://www.scribd.com/doc/25164568/Reservoir-Dogs-Screenplay Mr Black, Mr White and so forth. Then right to the dialogue. Thanks Jeff.

To his credit, those are some pretty damn easy names to remember.

James, I wasn't recommending using a "machine gun" intro, and yes, I did read and review AJR's script.

But, as I said, words on a page and images on a screen are 2 completely different beasts, and that's not even taking into consideration that many times, characters in a filmed version are never actually named, to the point where the audience actually knows what their names are.  You know?

And giving physical descriptions to characters when they don't come into play or matter is usually a waste, otehr than to give readers a visual picture, so that they can play they script out in their heads.

Can you do it this way.

MR WHITE(35), MR BLACK(40), MR YELLOW(29), MR GREEN(30), NICE GUY(30), AND BOSSMAN(50) are seated at the table drinking coffee.

ALICE(45) the foul mouthed, life hardened waitress refills the cup of Mr White.

Mr White, his dark hair greased and his attire gangster, is as slick as the smile he flashes the waitress.

Bossman, broad shouldered and square jawed, bald head shaved to a shine, glares at White with cold, blue eyes.

    "Pay attention to business, White!"

Mr Black is a wiry figure of constant kinetic energy.

    "I'll take some coffee, Alice."

Mr Green is fat enough to put his chair to test. He lights a cigarette with meaty hands and admonishes Black.

     "Last thing you need is coffee."

You can definitely do it that way, but your example is definitely in the realm of a machine gun intro, IMO.

Quoted from Dreamscale So, my advice is always to intro them immediately as they are first shown onscreen.

That's what you're supposed to do.  BUT that doesn't mean you have to introduce all the characters within three seconds of a scene.

Quoted from leitskev Phil, the method you suggest is actually close to what I did, though my descriptions were slightly more and the action involved required things to be a little more spread out.

I just cranked out that poker scene.  If I was actually writing this scene, as part of a script, it would've gone on a lot longer.

A few years back, I wrote a script where many of the characters had platinum-colored hair.  I introduced a bunch of them early on and then brought a busload of them together in a conference.  I mentioned/introduced them as I needed them.


Phil

Yep, agreed, Phil.  As I tried to say, you can intro the "group" generically, kind of like the Predator example, then go from there into more detail as you actually intro each of the characters, based on what they're doing...assuming they're doing something that warrents an intro.

Just making sure what I did above is acceptable. The difference between that and Phil's example is that I gave a quick listing of the characters, before fleshing out their introduction. The difference is that in this way, when I open the scene, right away I say "six guys are playing cards," or "five guys on patrol," and list them. This lets you get the overall picture before you begin to describe.

You guys may suggest that I just say "six guys play cards" then introduce them when they do something. Actually, that is what I originally did, and it caused the confusion with the reader because the last of the players was not introduced til 2 pages later, so it seemed like a new guy popped in to him. Granted, this was not a very experienced script reader, but I think his problem could still be an indicator, since a reader who is experienced but is reading tons of scripts could have the same problem.

So in my next scene where it was a factor, with the soldiers, I used the technique above. a) list the characters in caps; b) describe their character as soon as possible in the next page or two.