I'm not exactly cheating, since this is Screenwriting Class but I have to write one logline for three different scripts for my actual screenwriting class.

Problem is, I hate writing loglines. Another problem is, while the class is a short script writing class, all of my ideas are full length. The instructor is fine with this, as he was the one who gave me an A for Agnes a last year. He knows I can write shorts.

What do you guys think of these? I'm not asking for help on the story (yet) but just opinions about the loglines.

A new mother must destroy an revengeful spirit if she wants to save the family she loves.

It's really the best I could come up with but sounds really generic to me.

I have two for this one.

A haunted man clashes with people from his past while attempting to solve his little brother's murder.

A haunted man's search for his little brother's killer leads him back to where the nightmares began and with the people he thought he could trust.

I like the second one more but it sounds like more of a tag line than a logline.

A recent widow fears that if she can't gain control of her rebellious teenage daughter then she'll lose her forever.

The other side of that is this:

After her father's suicide, a rebellious teenager tries to push her protective mother away, but her mother isn't going to give up so easily.

With the last story, I could go both ways. Both characters have a lot to learn, so writing their arcs would be fairly easy.

What do you guys think? Be harsh, as this isn't due until November 6th. I have time for feedback and to rework some things.

I do not know anything about your character, but here is an idea for this one:

A new mother must (overcome some personal issue) to destroy a spirit bent on revenge in order to save the family she loves.

A logline has to entice someone into reading your script / watching your movie. It has to, at its most essential, contain the core conflict and present it in such a way as to sound interesting.

When a young screenwriter is given an assignment to write a clever logline, he must wow his teacher with the best or face the failing grade he knows awaits him.

That's how I usually look at a logline (wrong or right). I typically start with the problem, follow it up with the conflict/obstacle that the character has to overcome, and then (quite optionally, depending on the type of story) the consequences of failure.

I agree with steven8 on your first one in that including the mother's personal conflict that might prevent for from destroying said *vengeful* spirit would be useful, but you don't want it too long either.

On your other two, you have to put your main character as the focus and pretty much keep your primary catalyst and/or first big turning point as the focal points of the logline. Your second one opens with a murder investigation, but it feels like a cold case. What big event led him to investigate this? No one would just start looking about and searching through skeleton filled closets. We need the motivation. Your third one alternates between mother and daughter, and I suspect the mother is the main character. You need to focus on her.

Think about movies that have been made and what kind of loglines they might have. Back to the Future might be "When a teenager travels back in time and interrupts his parents' first meeting, he must bring them back together or be erased from history" or something like that. It encapsulates the key events, the main plot, and the consequences of failure. Now, it doesn't mention the other big problem of getting him home, but if you think about the movie, that wasn't the main plot.

Try the Blake Snyder method. It may be called 'formula', but if it works, I use it.

On the verge of a Stasis=Death moment, a flawed protagonist Breaks into Two; but when the Midpoint happens, he/she must learn the Theme Stated, before All Is Lost.

Right at the beginning your protagonist is stuck somehow.
He/she has a flaw, weakness.
Something happens to push the protagonist into a conflict situation.
At the middle the protagonist is challenged to learn/get/implement the theme.
Because, otherwise, everything is lost.

There is a thread in Babz Buzz about loglines, take a peek.

Quoted from Eoin There is a thread in Babz Buzz about loglines, take a peek.

This is a good thread to absorb a lot of data about loglines...
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-babzbuzz/m-1296405843/s-new/

The old NOUN + VERB + IRONY = LOGLINE
Works every time!

Regards,
E.D.

Thanks for the info.

I'll think over the NOUN + VERB = IRONY but our instructor wants something that covers more of the story. He wants us to introduce the protagonist, his goal, the antagonist, and the stakes.

I guess everyone has a different definition of a logline.

And Eoin, I hate Blake Snyder. I don't agree with anything he's ever written.

Quoted from ABennettWriter Thanks for the info. I'll think over the NOUN + VERB = IRONY but our instructor wants something that covers more of the story. He wants us to introduce the protagonist, his goal, the antagonist, and the stakes.

Well, the agent that helped with with my first sale puts it this way...

Loglines are about enticement.
Show a little leg. Then cover up.
Get them interested. That's it.
You want the reader/listener to be turning pages/asking questions.

This is the best workplace definition I know.
As to academic pursuits, sounds like your prof is going for the synop edition.
That's typically twice as long as a logline and contains all the elements you stated.

Regards,
E.D.

Quoted from ABennettWriter And Eoin, I hate Blake Snyder. I don't agree with anything he's ever written.

You may well hate him, or his work, but discounting an idea because you don't like someone leads to segmented thinking on a totality.

Quoted from ABennettWriter He wants us to introduce the protagonist, his goal, the antagonist, and the stakes.

If you reread the logline template, without prejudice, you'll see it fits your requirements with the inclusion of an antagonist.

Difficult to offer any advice because you know more about the story than me. But, usually a good log line consists of the hook (sends the character in that direction), a sense of your protagonist and a hint at the possible ending.

"Before a vengeful spirit can rip her family away, a new mother must find the martial instincts to protect those she holds most dear."

BLB

Hey, ABSteel

What was the outcome of your log lines? If you don't mind sharing.

BLB

I had to come up with three new ones because I turned in loglines for my full length ideas and not loglines for my short script ideas, which I have none. So it's back to the drawing board, so to speak.

Thanks for asking, though.