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I'm a little stuck on how this would be properly written...
I'm writing a scene that takes place as a flashback... in this instance, this kid meets up with his mother at his high school graduation, and his girlfriend takes a photo of them...
Then I want it to cut to a photo copy of the picture that was just taken of the kid and his mother, and we find out that someone is holding the picture, and as the scene refocuses, we now discover that this is an entirely new scene, and the kid is older now, who was holding the photo, and was basically just remembering the memory.
Hopefully this makes sense to everyone... I don't want to give too much away, as it will ruin the scene, but that's the just of it. I'm just confused on how I would convey that down in writing, format wise. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you very much.
Seems to me the first question to answer is what you are flashing back from? i.e., if it is an opening scene (the graduation), the the subsequent scene is flash forward. Also kind of need to know the period of time for aging the characters. Let's say it's the opening scene, it's twenty years ago and your kid's name is Dave
INT. HIGH SCHOOL GYMNASIUM - DAY
Write the scene where YOUNG DAVE (19) athletic/handsome and his proud mother at his high school graduation - girlfriend takes a photo of them.
INT. BUSINESS OFFICE/DAVE'S CUBICLE - DAY
DAVE (now 39), bald and fat, sits in a chair, stares at a photocopy of the picture, Looking at the same picture over the top of his chair is LAURA (39).
SUPER: TWENTY YEARS LATER
LAURA You didn't age so well.
DAVE No shit. =============================================== Conversely, if it is a scene somewhere other than the opening of the script. I would flashback to the graduation scene. e.g.,
INT. BUSINESS OFFICE/DAVE'S CUBICLE - DAY
DAVE (3, bald and fat, sits in a chair, stares at a photocopy of - describe the picture. , Looking at the same picture over the top of his chair is LAURA (3.
FLASHBACK: HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION - 1997
Describe the scene where the photo was taken.
PRESENT DAY
Dave runs his finger over the image of his mother.
LAURA You didn't age so well.
DAVE No shit.
Anyway - there are many ways to handle this. The number one rule is to be clear - if the reader understands it you'll be safe. IMO anyway
Seems to me the first question to answer is what you are flashing back from? i.e., if it is an opening scene (the graduation), the the subsequent scene is flash forward. Also kind of need to know the period of time for aging the characters. Let's say it's the opening scene, it's twenty years ago and your kid's name is Dave
INT. HIGH SCHOOL GYMNASIUM - DAY
Write the scene where YOUNG DAVE (19) athletic/handsome and his proud mother at his high school graduation - girlfriend takes a photo of them.
INT. BUSINESS OFFICE/DAVE'S CUBICLE - DAY
DAVE (now 39), bald and fat, sits in a chair, stares at a photocopy of the picture, Looking at the same picture over the top of his chair is LAURA (39).
SUPER: TWENTY YEARS LATER
LAURA You didn't age so well.
DAVE No shit. =============================================== Conversely, if it is a scene somewhere other than the opening of the script. I would flashback to the graduation scene. e.g.,
INT. BUSINESS OFFICE/DAVE'S CUBICLE - DAY
DAVE (3, bald and fat, sits in a chair, stares at a photocopy of - describe the picture. , Looking at the same picture over the top of his chair is LAURA (3.
FLASHBACK: HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION - 1997
Describe the scene where the photo was taken.
PRESENT DAY
Dave runs his finger over the image of his mother.
LAURA You didn't age so well.
DAVE No shit.
Anyway - there are many ways to handle this. The number one rule is to be clear - if the reader understands it you'll be safe. IMO anyway
It starts with the flashback in the opening scene. But thank you so much for the response, it actually helps a lot. Much appreciated.
I think you are already pretty close to having it.
Quoted Text
WEAPONS EXHIBIT
Lana and kwame stand in a section with case enclosed weapons on the walls.
LANA You sure this was good idea to keep Arthur occupied with errands all day.
KWAME It was a good enough way to get him off my tail for a while. So how's the rest of team?
LANA Allow me to check.
She holds up her communicator. Presses a button. Static appears on screen.
Okay - got a little confused here. Your original issue was: so my characters sometimes communicate via wrist communicators. If this is indeed a wrist communicator (ala Dick Tracy). I would write it something akin to:
She turns her wrist, brings her communicator to her face, Presses a button. Static appears on screen.
If it is just a device - like a phone - think what you have is fine.
Quoted Text
LANA Greg.
I'd probably go with.
LANA (into communicator) Greg.
Quoted Text
LANA (O.S) (Static) Greg, do you read me.
Lana's not there nor can we see her - so I think it should be:
LANA (V.O.) Greg, do you read me.
Quoted Text
GREG Hold up a sec, ladies. Gotta make a call real quick.
Probably - Gotta take a call.
Quoted Text
Looks at his communicator.
GREG (To communicator) Lana! Hi, honey, like how you did your hair this morning. Used any new shampoos?
Okay - so now I see that Lana's image is on the screen - like face timing with cell phone. I would go with something like:
Greg turns his wrist, looks at his communicator. Sees a very perturbed Lana on the screen.
GREG (into communicator) -- could also be (at communicator) Lana! Hi, honey, like how you did your hair this morning. Used any new shampoos?
Quoted Text
Lana groans on the communicator screen.
Would go with something like:
ON THE SCREEN
Lana rolls her eyes.
Quoted Text
LANA (O.S) This isn't about my hair. Have you made any progress on finding any potential thieves?
Okay - here Lana is definitely not O.S and probably not V.O. either since we can see her speak. So, the key is to be clear. I would probably go with something like:
LANA (On Screen) This isn't about my hair. Have you made any progress on finding any potential thieves?
Quoted Text
LANA (O.S.) This is important, Greg. If we don't keep a close eye on the sword, someone will get their hands on it.
Same approach as above.
Don't think you need to do anything special with Greg here since early on you establish he is talking at the screen.
See what other peeps think. But to me - clarity is King. As long as a reader can follow the action you are probably good to go.
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How would this be written...?
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, bald and fat, sits in a chair, stares at a photocopy of - describe the picture. , Looking at the same picture over the top of his chair is LAURA (3
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