Rats of Paris- Part One by Leadbelly Hammers - Series, Action - The black death is ravaging Europe, but the blockheaded humans can't figure out what is causing it. It's up to a group of infected rats to save mankind. - html, format

Removed - Individual posted work that is not their own.

Rather big claim to make.  He needs to post it and let other people decide.

I think that jake seems to be his hype man, do you write or just hype up people?

Jake is hyping his own stuff.  For the dense among you, Jake is Leadbelly.  

So, he's that pathetic he has to pretend he's his own friend and hype his own work? Wow, that's smart... and the fact that you gave it away is even worse.

No no... Im not Leadbelly..... but Leadbelly is a bit suspicious of posting his script, on the web. I actually posted the first, double channel, though he in the end was glad and posted these. Though I do admit, that "Jake" is a pseudonym.

It's true he did tell me to type some, random thing. He wants comments on his script I guess and knows that the top on on the list of threads is the thread last posted on so he told me, to write something that would just make it climb, up to the top of the blog.

Why is it broken up and is only 9 pages? I'm not reading some now and than waiting for 3 months for a little more. If this is a short or a series it's in the wrong spot.

I hope I could help with the below statements/review, I hope I did not offend you as that is not what I was trying to do. Good luck in the future.

Spoilers Ahead.....










Whoever wrote this is writing screenplays the wrong way; you don't release the first act than the second than the 3rd. That's not a screenplay, if you're too lazy to wait and piece them together than don't post them at all.

I'm trying to be fair but this isn't fair to the reader, now is it? Nobody releases 1 act at a time, and an act is longer than 9 pages.

Okay there are some spelling problems in the opening dialogue, no set ups, no names.

PIERRE WellÉÉ we couldÉÉ butÉ it would be hard.  What happened to the dialogue here?

Talking Germs? I mean do you understand that you should set up this world before you ruin it? If this is any indication to the next couple acts than I'm not going to read on.

No scene headings done the right way, I mean this is just sloppy. Somebody needs to read this over and fix it, I mean there are a lot of things that stick out and why didn't the writer catch them? I don't see how we're supposed to care for the characters when they aren't set up any.

So, I think maybe if you took more time to set up the world and characters it would be better but by no stretch of the imagination is this a first act in its current state. It's got a lot of problems that need fixed before I feel people will be ENTERTAINED by it. In this state it's weird and kinda laughable.

If you're not willing to listen than I will not return for the next two acts and I'd hope nobody else does either. I'm sorry but I felt that as a reader you didn't give me the experience you promised.

Great comments-- very valid, but there's one thing you don't know-- this script was written when Leadbelly was 8!!! He revised it several times throughout his life, and now, at age 67, decided to restore the original and post it somewhere. He always envisioned it as a junky, cheesy B & W cartoon with some action. The whole point is that it is laughable. Your comments are very valid, but I guess the point of this script was not made clear-- it's junk. It's junk written by an 8 year old with a  good imagination and a big interest in history. The climactic finale (which is actually the modern version) is more serious. I think that the main problem with the scripts is that the two halves don't match in mood.

Thanks for the comments!

And you know him how? Just curious?

What are you his biographer?

67 and he's just now posting something that he wrote when he was 8? I don't believe that one bit, are you posting your own work saying all this for some sympathy or for some browny points on the next version.

Maybe you aren't lying but anythings possible.

Maybe it was written by his grandfather or dad, who wrote it a long time ago, forgot about it, and only recently  resurfaced in the last couple years. I dunno.

Or he could be Leadbelly, or rather Leadbelly could be a persona he created, you know.

Thread locked.  Work submitted not written by submittor.

Don