Ok,

I just realized you're German or from there.  That explains  the voice, not that it's a problem,  just the language structure. My mom is born in Karlsruhe.

What I meant was,  show yor characters experiencing the mess or at least their reactions. Let the mains act it. Anyway, no biggie there.

Don't mistake, I liked it. Just kinda felt you can deliver a bit more pop at the end. Make is so I gotta see episode 2.I do remeber reading that it's kinda pointless to do more than an hour of a series - if someone buys it,  they have their own writers and direction to take this.

I flirted with a series,  went for mostly set up, and blending different characters.

Gl.

Hello Tony,

I'm curious, what is wrong with my language structure? I'm trying not to sound like a non-native writer, so any hints are welcome.

I drive through Karlsruhe every week because I got a customer in Stuttgart I'm visiting every Monday/Tuesday. Do you speak any german?

About the script:

I've been thinking about the end for a long time, because on the one hand, the climax was when they returned from their 'trip', on the other hand, I felt that was not a suitable way to end it and to tease a follow-up episode. I'm not 100% happy with the ending myself, I think I came up with better endings in earlier scripts.

Thor,

I don't speak German. There is nothing wrong with your voice, but I know from speaking to my Mom about translations from German to English and vice versa that there are words unavailable -- if that makes sense.

But I wouldn't focus on it if I were you, just keep reviewing every line until it's as clear as can be.

Ya, re-write the ending. Remember the tip:

Enter every scene late, leave a scene a little early.