For Entertainment Purposes Only by Phil Clarke Jr. (dogglebe) - Short - A fortune teller receives a customer she never expected.... - rtf, format

For Entertainment Purposes Only by Phil Clarke Jr. (dogglebe) - Short - A fortune teller receives a customer she never expected....  This is the shooting script of 'For Entertainment Purposes Only.'  19 pages. - rtf, format

I lioked the whole fortune teller process, with the tarot cards and such.  Did you learn about this from a book or are you really into that sort of thing?  Either way your knowledge on the subject shines through.

Hey Phil,

POSSIBLE SPOILERS

another solid piece of work here. A couple of minor things I noticed:

At one point where Gina says "--the more detailed reading", the following action has merged with the dialogue.

"She turns over a third card and places it on the table." - this should be the fourth card

Overall it's a good script. I really like the idea of a hitman who gets his fortune read before every job. I felt a bit cheated by the ending. There was no real punch there, and it didn't really satisfy. There are a few things which could be told more visually, like the part about the rape- i'm not saying show it- but it felt like you told the whole story in dialogue. I think it could work better with more visuals. That said, your dialogue is sharp and effective.

I'm glad you guys like the script.  I'll work on correcting the problems.

First off, I'd like to thank Cindy Keller for helping me with the tarot card reading.  She's familiar with this; I am not.  In the original script, I left the names of the actual cards blank.  Cindy then filled in what the appropriate car, based on the script.  Kinda like a reverse reading.

I didn't want there to be too much visuals in the script as it's about the two, not what happened leading up to him visiting her.  The ending I just enjoyed writing.


Phil

I don't know what to make of this. It was well-written but I don't think I liked this one like I like your other shorts. Good story, though. Not as good as Suicide or Toscin but good nontheless. I really can't tell you why I don't love it, it's just a gut feeling.

I thought it was a very well-written piece.  The dialogue is effective, and I'm glad you implied everything without actually revealing certain situations.  For example, it's good that you left the rape scene to dialogue rather than showing it.  It leaves more to the imagination, which is simply more horrifying.

As mentioned by somebody else, the knowledge of tarot cards is apparent and is used in full effect.  The cards work well with developing the story, and when the climax/fade out arrive, it's a solid way to leave a questionable ending.

This is a very, very good script, and I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.

A full list of my work on these boards can be found here.


Phil

Phil,

I just got done reading it. A couple things... the significator should be picked, and placed on the table before the shuffling of card is done. Usually the person having the reading is the one who shuffles the deck while thinking of a question to ask, then he or she cuts the cards into three piles cutting from right to left. The reader takes it from there.

When a reader sees something bad in the cards, they usually say something like, I must stop right here". I would change the line of dialouge where the reader says "How could you" to "I must stop right here" or something along that line.

Just a little bit of tweaking...

And you're welcome for the help with the cards,

Cindy

Thanks Cindy.  I'll make the corrections the first chance I get.  How does the customer pick the significator?  Is the deck fanned out on the table?  In the reader's hand?


Phil

The reader picks that card, then passes the deck to the customer for them to shuffle.

(Spoiler space)



Arrgh!  What is with you lately, Phil?  First "Can of Worms", and now this.  Give me an ending already.  I was engaged in your little story, all prepared to write how much I really enjoyed it...and then...Bah!  When you come back to this one (a previous post said you were planning to), please rethink that final fade.

A couple more things:
*  Dialogue snafu:  Michael: "...a fifteen at a party."
*  A point of authenticity:  I had a reading in New Orleans last year, and was surprised to learn they do NOT state a fee up front.  Apparently, it's against the law to do that -- they can get in trouble -- and instead, they accept "donations" based upon how satisfied you are with the services they provide.  You should just have Michael offer her the cash without Gina stating an exact amount, or you risk including a detail that rings false.

So anyway, this is good stuff, with patches of really sharp dialogue, but ultimately, I was disappointed by it.  I would definately return to read a reworked version -- provided that it incorporates that crucial, final detail.  How many cards are left?  You surely have plenty of directions you could take this.  

I'm guessing what you wrote about the New Orleans fortune tellers is just a local rule.  In NYC, fortune tellers have shops and actually advertise their prices on signage.  I had my fortune read by a tarot card reader in N.O. a couple of years back.  He used a three card spread and told me to concentrate on a question.  His answer to the question was "Yes.  With help from my friends."

The question I was thinking of was, "Will Janet and I have kids soon."

My wife is such a slut.


Phil

HA!

I trust you compensated them well for such a valuable piece of insight...

Rereading my previous post, it sounds a little stern.  Glad you didn't take it that way.  The heart of this story is really good.

That particular technique is just a pet peeve of mine, and perhaps I am bothered by it more than others.

You sound stern?  Dude, look you're talking to here.

As a writer, I always felt that I didn't have to tell the entire story.  Rent 'Ronin' with Robert DeNiro and Jean Reno (probably the best actor to come from France).  It has the same type of ending.


Phil

Phil,
In Michigan it is a donation, too. Well, it was when I went to have cards read 20 some years ago. She was set up at a flea market. She had a sign that read $20 donation. I think that way they don't have to pay taxes, but I'm not sure.

There is a new shop that opened around here. They claim to talk to the dead, and advertise on TV. My daughter talked me into going with her to a seance. (Her old boyfriend had killed himself a couple years ago, and she's been having a hard time dealing with it). Thirty other people showed for the seance. Well, they don't ask for donations. They charge a fee.

So I think "donations" may be to avoid the tax man.