I thought this one was fine. It's a good idea, I just felt like it wasn't executed properly. The story didn't flow for me. I thought Chet was way over the top about moving his car. I thought Raquel was mean when she left Dave at the top of the stairs, but then she comes back after all the screaming and other noises? Didn't make much sense. She's either scared or not. Once again, you have a decent idea, but it needs work.

And as for the folks saying that your ending was predictable, they need to be clearer. Predictable as in Emily was someone who was murdered in the house and that's why she's haunting, then yes. But isn't that every haunting movie? I'm sorry, but no one predicted that she and her baby were murdered because of an incestual relationship. Please be clear when you state something is predictable.

This was a good read. Very spooky feel to it, so fits horror genre very well.

Few typos but nothing major.

A lot going on for a short, (not in a bad way), would like to see this extended to feature. I think it would work real well.

Only the second of the scarefest that i've read, and both have been received well, so good job! I don't think I can comment on simply scripts about the other one i've read though, seen as my fiance wrote it...lol

Anyway not much else to say, but well written and easy to read.

Hey Blakkewolf,

This script didn't really work for me.  I felt the pacing was off and it didn't quite flow well.  It felt too rushed once the spookiness started.  I could see and appreciate what you were trying to do though.

There were some typos.  I think there were a couple of instances where Marie was written instead of Maria.

With some re-working and a bigger page count, I think this could be a good ghost story.

Hey Pants, Aspiring and Yohn...Thanks to all you for taking time to read and comment on this and the other Scarefest scripts!  

Pants; I agree with the pacing issue; I over edited to hit the 15 page target and in doing so think I attempted to cover too much ground in too short of a story...Chet was actually toned down a bit from his original yuppie scum state...He's a just a jerk...Tried to make a correlation between him and Emily's Dad, though whether or not that was successfull? Eh, maybe not so much...Originally, Raquel was in the attic kickin' butt with Dave, but that got edited out too...

Aspiring; Course you can comment on your honey's script! My wife is my toughest critic by a long shot (But she hates ghost stories so she skipped over this one) I'm glad you enjoyed the spooky feel, that's what I was going for...

Yohn; Thanks for the honest opinion...I did rush it abit cause I had a few other things due in the same time frame, and again I need to let the characters breath, expand and grow on thier own instead of pushing them too hard...

Thanks again for looking at this...

T. Joe.