SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Home - Movie Scripts - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is December 20th, 2014, 7:54am
Please login or register.
Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the rules that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone.
Help Wanted

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. The screenplays may not be used without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short  ›  Catmatch[dot]com Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2, 3 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Catmatch[dot]com  (currently 2286 views)
SimplyScripts
Posted: March 13th, 2010, 6:37pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
9928
Posts Per Day
1.95
CatMatch[dot]com by Will Ball (albinopenguin) - Short - If you're a cat owner, then you know dating can be rough (and sparse). Not anymore though thanks to CatMatch.com! 3 pages - pdf, format


Visit http://www.simplyscripts.com for what is new on the site.



No matter where you go, there you are.
--Buckaroo Bonzai

Revision History (1 edits)
SimplyScripts  -  March 27th, 2010, 4:28pm
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Zombie Sean
Posted: March 13th, 2010, 7:29pm Report to Moderator
Yellow


Shallow's the new deep, haven't you heard?

Location
Anywhere there's a zombie...
Posts
1373
Posts Per Day
0.41
Wow! This was hilarious!


In all honesty, I enjoyed the hell out of this. It's a bit long for a commercial, but you had all the right stuff in it. I laughed at a lot of things. Out loud. It was fantastic. it did go on for a bit with the whole "Questions like..." and "You'll answer to questions such as..." and produce a sample or two. That got a bit tiring, but overall, I loved it. Especially one of Kim's last lines "In fact, I find it arousing".

Just a few complaints about format: don't capitalize the characters' names after you introduce them. Also, for the end, add some kind of ending transition. FADE OUT, THE END, that kind of stuff. You just leave us with an incomplete page, from what it looks like..


Great job!!

Sean
Logged Offline
Site Private Message AIM Windows Live Messenger Reply: 1 - 38
jackx
Posted: March 15th, 2010, 1:13am Report to Moderator
Purple



Location
Tucson, AZ
Posts
287
Posts Per Day
0.14
hilarious, good stuff.
Nothing to add really, enjoyed it.  Visually I think it would be a little boring, If I was to actually film it I'd probably want some other stuff in there, stereotypically happy couples fresh from the website, playing with cats together.  Maybe some testimonials... just so its not the two people.
And the last line, seems like there would be a pause in the last line.  I might format it more like 'So put it to rest...not your cat.'  As it reads now its a little flat.

Other than that, laughed several times, which isnt bad for three pages.  Definately going to check out your other stuff now.


Mine:
HARD CASE
            (65 Pages) Stealing the case is just the beginning...

APU
            (80 pages) A city where superheroes are murderers and villains walk through walls...
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 38
Dimitris
Posted: March 15th, 2010, 6:28am Report to Moderator
Purple



Location
Greece, Crete.
Posts
142
Posts Per Day
0.07
This is the read of the day for me . I choose this because is very short but now i feel i make the right choice...

Very funny staff here i like most of the lines. This is a good example how a huge piece of dialogue without action can work really well. If you put action in between the scene would be bad. Now its perfect.

By the way you miss a fade out as Zombie Sean said, for a second i thought that there is more.

I Google the catmatch.com and its accually a site there. So is this a real story???  
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 38
jwent6688
Posted: March 15th, 2010, 4:29pm Report to Moderator
Yellow


DOUBLE SPACE YOUR FRIGGIN' SLUGS!!!

Posts
1770
Posts Per Day
0.79
Good stuff... "pooping in your cat's litter box"?? Hilarious.

Watch your page break on pg 3. I don't think a page is supposed to break in the middle of dialogue without a new character heading and (Cont'd).

You missed your FADE OUT: as well as your FADE IN: in the beginning. Other then that, funny short. Good work.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 4 - 38
dogglebe
Posted: March 15th, 2010, 7:30pm Report to Moderator
Blue


I'm seeing red right now!

Location
on the couch
Posts
8350
Posts Per Day
2.76
I thought this was a good script.  My only complaint with it is that it ran a little long.  I would delete the worst of the one-liners and shorten the script by a page.

BTW, you should use INTERCUT to describe going back and forth between Kim and Steve.


Phil


The Devil's Jokebook  
An ancient relic disappears.  And Heaven and Hell will fight to get it back.


Finalist, Shriekfest Horror Film Festival screenplay competition.
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 5 - 38
albinopenguin
Posted: March 15th, 2010, 9:10pm Report to Moderator
Green


I got dipping sticks.

Location
Philadelphia
Posts
759
Posts Per Day
0.34
thank you everyone for the kind reviews! and yes, i did forget a few things. thanks for pointing them out.

quick question though- do you use INTERCUT in the descriptions or between the bits of dialogue? thanks again!

oh and i had no idea there was a catmatch.com. i just wanted to put a unique spin on online dating commercials and thought that inserting cats would make it entertaining


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 38
dogglebe
Posted: March 16th, 2010, 12:48pm Report to Moderator
Blue


I'm seeing red right now!

Location
on the couch
Posts
8350
Posts Per Day
2.76
You use it once, at the beginning:

FADE IN ON:

INT.  WHITE BACKGROUND

Kim holds her cat

              KIM
    blahblahblah...

INT.  SAME WHITE BACKGROUND

Steve holds his cat.

              STEVE
     blahblahblah...

INTERCUT between the two.

              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...
              
              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...

              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...
              
              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...

              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...
              
              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...

              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...
              
              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...

              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...
              
              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...

              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...
              
              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...

              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...
              
              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...

              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...
              
              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...

              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...
              
              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...

              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...
              
              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...

              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...
              
              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...

              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...
              
              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...

              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...
              
              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...

              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...
              
              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...

              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...
              
              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...

              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...
              
              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...

              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...
              
              KIM
    blahblahblah...
              
              STEVE
    blahblahblah...



Any questions?  Besides, 'what's with that?'


Phil


The Devil's Jokebook  
An ancient relic disappears.  And Heaven and Hell will fight to get it back.


Finalist, Shriekfest Horror Film Festival screenplay competition.
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 7 - 38
albinopenguin
Posted: March 16th, 2010, 3:02pm Report to Moderator
Green


I got dipping sticks.

Location
Philadelphia
Posts
759
Posts Per Day
0.34
actually, Phil,  could you go over it one more time? haha

thanks!


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 8 - 38
James McClung
Posted: April 5th, 2010, 5:03am Report to Moderator
Yellow


I only trust the dead...

Location
Washington, DC
Posts
3133
Posts Per Day
0.92
Finally checked this out. Definitely funny stuff. Could also be filmed really easily. That said, a few jokes didn't quite work. I'd chuck the "shriveling eggs" and "pooping in litter box" jokes. They weren't edgy per se but edgy for this script, I felt, where the charm lay in the awkwardness and general weirdness. I'd save those two for another script. Also, the use of "nom nomming" as a verb doesn't quite work, no matter how you spin it. Better off just to reference some LOL cats.

Also, if there is indeed a catmatch.com, I'd change the title. Say you wanted to make this site for real? You'd have to. It's like Dave Chappelle said. There's always some moron who's gonna try and call up Indiana Jones for real. Same goes here.

Overall, good stuff for what it is. I can't really comment too much more as the script is already so simple. Hope this helps.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 9 - 38
Scription
Posted: April 5th, 2010, 12:46pm Report to Moderator
Red


Failure is an Option, not a choice.

Location
There. Here. Now.
Posts
53
Posts Per Day
0.03
This was pretty laugh-out-loud hilarious.


Loved it


What Am I Working On?
Currently going back and forth with projects. (--) :


Reason why Rainforests are disappearing is because of all of the useless scripts Hollywood wants everyday.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 10 - 38
Angry Bear
Posted: April 5th, 2010, 1:41pm Report to Moderator
Moderator


Scream For Me!!!

Location
The Swamp...
Posts
4990
Posts Per Day
2.00
That was pretty funny. Especially to cat owners, I'm sure.

At 2.5 pages with only dialogue, this would run pretty quick so I don't think you really need to trim it really. Except for this maybe. I didn't understand it.  "how funny do think cats nom noming on".

You need to have (CON'T) where the dialogue goes over to the next page.

Good work!

Btw, have you noticed that there never are any Tuxedos in commercials? I've only seen one and in that one the cat attacked the owner.  I think all those who've owned a tuxedo knows that they will not cooperate enough to be in a commercial.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 11 - 38
albinopenguin
Posted: April 9th, 2010, 8:46pm Report to Moderator
Green


I got dipping sticks.

Location
Philadelphia
Posts
759
Posts Per Day
0.34
sorry guys for getting back to you so late- i was on holiday

james- thanks so much for the read. and as always, you offered some solid advice. as seen in me's response, i think the "nom noming" is a little too specific and alienates my audience. i'd have better luck using something more generic...something involing cats and cheezburgers perhaps. and i did look it up, and no, catmatch.com does not exist. and you cant go wrong citing dave chappelle especially in a review. i cant NOT disagree with you when you quote him haha

scription- thanks buddy! really glad you enjoyed it

me - yeah im going back and forth about whether or not to trim it. in all honesty, i really dont want to because i feel there's a lot of good one liners in it. and the "nom nomming" was in reference to icanhascheezburger.com - its a site with pictures of cats containing funny captions around them (and pretty much the reason why im not nearly productive as i should be). and you know, now that you mentioned it, i havnt seen any tuxedos on tv. like you suggested, maybe they dont train well. my sister owns a tuxedo and its the biggest b**** ive ever met (plus it has an a**hole the size of a silver dollar pancake...but i digress). thanks so much for the read and im glad you enjoyed it as well.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 12 - 38
screenrider
Posted: April 9th, 2010, 10:30pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



Albino,

This reminded me of a Saturday Night Live skit.  I didn't think it was a funny as some of the previous readers mentioned but it'd be a humorous YouTube video.  You should film it or send it to the Higgonaitior and see if he'll do it.   Also I agree with McClung that the "pooping in the litter box line"  was over the top.

Best of luck,
Mike


Logged
e-mail Reply: 13 - 38
albinopenguin
Posted: April 16th, 2010, 12:12am Report to Moderator
Green


I got dipping sticks.

Location
Philadelphia
Posts
759
Posts Per Day
0.34
excuse my naivety Mike but who is Higgonaitior? and actually James and I are thinking about filming it ourselves once he returns to the states

and of course, thanks for the read


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 14 - 38
 Pages: 1, 2, 3 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short  [ previous | next ] Switch to:

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on

Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006