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 Catmatch[dot]com (currently 1545 views) |
| SimplyScripts |
| Posted: March 13th, 2010, 7:37pm |
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AdministratorAdministrator  So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts8554 Posts Per Day 1.90 |
CatMatch[dot]com by Will Ball (albinopenguin) - Short - If you're a cat owner, then you know dating can be rough (and sparse). Not anymore though thanks to CatMatch.com! 3 pages - pdf, format  |
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| Zombie Sean |
| Posted: March 13th, 2010, 8:29pm |
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Yellow Shallow's the new deep, haven't you heard?
LocationAnywhere there's a zombie... Posts1382 Posts Per Day 0.49 |
Wow! This was hilarious!
In all honesty, I enjoyed the hell out of this. It's a bit long for a commercial, but you had all the right stuff in it. I laughed at a lot of things. Out loud. It was fantastic. it did go on for a bit with the whole "Questions like..." and "You'll answer to questions such as..." and produce a sample or two. That got a bit tiring, but overall, I loved it. Especially one of Kim's last lines "In fact, I find it arousing".
Just a few complaints about format: don't capitalize the characters' names after you introduce them. Also, for the end, add some kind of ending transition. FADE OUT, THE END, that kind of stuff. You just leave us with an incomplete page, from what it looks like..
Great job!!
Sean |
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| jackx |
| Posted: March 15th, 2010, 2:13am |
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Purple 
LocationTucson, AZ Posts296 Posts Per Day 0.20 |
hilarious, good stuff.
Nothing to add really, enjoyed it. Visually I think it would be a little boring, If I was to actually film it I'd probably want some other stuff in there, stereotypically happy couples fresh from the website, playing with cats together. Maybe some testimonials... just so its not the two people.
And the last line, seems like there would be a pause in the last line. I might format it more like 'So put it to rest...not your cat.' As it reads now its a little flat.
Other than that, laughed several times, which isnt bad for three pages. Definately going to check out your other stuff now. |
| Mine:
HARD CASE
(65 Pages) Stealing the case is just the beginning...
APU
(80 pages) A city where superheroes are murderers and villains walk through walls... |
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Reply: 2 - 33 |
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| Dimitris |
| Posted: March 15th, 2010, 7:28am |
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Purple 
LocationGreece, Crete. Posts142 Posts Per Day 0.10 |
This is the read of the day for me . I choose this because is very short but now i feel i make the right choice...
Very funny staff here i like most of the lines. This is a good example how a huge piece of dialogue without action can work really well. If you put action in between the scene would be bad. Now its perfect.
By the way you miss a fade out as Zombie Sean said, for a second i thought that there is more.
I Google the catmatch.com and its accually a site there. So is this a real story??? |
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Reply: 3 - 33 |
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| jwent6688 |
| Posted: March 15th, 2010, 5:29pm |
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Yellow  DOUBLE SPACE YOUR FRIGGIN' SLUGS!!!
Posts1726 Posts Per Day 1.03 |
Good stuff... "pooping in your cat's litter box"?? Hilarious.
Watch your page break on pg 3. I don't think a page is supposed to break in the middle of dialogue without a new character heading and (Cont'd).
You missed your FADE OUT: as well as your FADE IN: in the beginning. Other then that, funny short. Good work. |
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Reply: 4 - 33 |
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| dogglebe |
| Posted: March 15th, 2010, 8:30pm |
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Blue  once you go sock, you'll never go bock
Locationright behind you... Posts8047 Posts Per Day 3.28 |
I thought this was a good script. My only complaint with it is that it ran a little long. I would delete the worst of the one-liners and shorten the script by a page.
BTW, you should use INTERCUT to describe going back and forth between Kim and Steve.
Phil |
| The Devil's Jokebook
A church relic is stolen and Heaven and Hell rely on a non-believer to get it back, with the fate of Christianity lying in the balance. |
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Reply: 5 - 33 |
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| albinopenguin |
| Posted: March 15th, 2010, 10:10pm |
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Green  I got dipping sticks.
LocationPhiladelphia Posts652 Posts Per Day 0.39 |
thank you everyone for the kind reviews! and yes, i did forget a few things. thanks for pointing them out.
quick question though- do you use INTERCUT in the descriptions or between the bits of dialogue? thanks again!
oh and i had no idea there was a catmatch.com. i just wanted to put a unique spin on online dating commercials and thought that inserting cats would make it entertaining |
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Reply: 6 - 33 |
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| dogglebe |
| Posted: March 16th, 2010, 1:48pm |
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Blue once you go sock, you'll never go bock
Locationright behind you... Posts8047 Posts Per Day 3.28 |
You use it once, at the beginning:
FADE IN ON:
INT. WHITE BACKGROUND
Kim holds her cat
KIM
blahblahblah...
INT. SAME WHITE BACKGROUND
Steve holds his cat.
STEVE
blahblahblah...
INTERCUT between the two.
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
KIM
blahblahblah...
STEVE
blahblahblah...
Any questions? Besides, 'what's with that?'
Phil |
| The Devil's Jokebook
A church relic is stolen and Heaven and Hell rely on a non-believer to get it back, with the fate of Christianity lying in the balance. |
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Reply: 7 - 33 |
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| albinopenguin |
| Posted: March 16th, 2010, 4:02pm |
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Green I got dipping sticks.
LocationPhiladelphia Posts652 Posts Per Day 0.39 |
actually, Phil, could you go over it one more time? haha
thanks! |
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Reply: 8 - 33 |
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| James McClung |
| Posted: April 5th, 2010, 6:03am |
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Yellow 
LocationWashington DC Posts2822 Posts Per Day 1.00 |
Finally checked this out. Definitely funny stuff. Could also be filmed really easily. That said, a few jokes didn't quite work. I'd chuck the "shriveling eggs" and "pooping in litter box" jokes. They weren't edgy per se but edgy for this script, I felt, where the charm lay in the awkwardness and general weirdness. I'd save those two for another script. Also, the use of "nom nomming" as a verb doesn't quite work, no matter how you spin it. Better off just to reference some LOL cats.
Also, if there is indeed a catmatch.com, I'd change the title. Say you wanted to make this site for real? You'd have to. It's like Dave Chappelle said. There's always some moron who's gonna try and call up Indiana Jones for real. Same goes here.
Overall, good stuff for what it is. I can't really comment too much more as the script is already so simple. Hope this helps. |
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Reply: 9 - 33 |
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| Scription |
| Posted: April 5th, 2010, 1:46pm |
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Red  Failure is an Option, not a choice.
LocationThere. Here. Now. Posts53 Posts Per Day 0.05 |
This was pretty laugh-out-loud hilarious. Loved it  |
| What Am I Working On?
Currently going back and forth with projects. (--) :
Reason why Rainforests are disappearing is because of all of the useless scripts Hollywood wants everyday. |
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Reply: 10 - 33 |
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| Angry Bear |
| Posted: April 5th, 2010, 2:41pm |
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Blue  Do I look like I do comedy????
LocationThe Swamp... Posts5110 Posts Per Day 2.67 |
That was pretty funny. Especially to cat owners, I'm sure.
At 2.5 pages with only dialogue, this would run pretty quick so I don't think you really need to trim it really. Except for this maybe. I didn't understand it. "how funny do think cats nom noming on".
You need to have (CON'T) where the dialogue goes over to the next page.
Good work!
Btw, have you noticed that there never are any Tuxedos in commercials? I've only seen one and in that one the cat attacked the owner. I think all those who've owned a tuxedo knows that they will not cooperate enough to be in a commercial. |
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Reply: 11 - 33 |
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| albinopenguin |
| Posted: April 9th, 2010, 9:46pm |
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Green I got dipping sticks.
LocationPhiladelphia Posts652 Posts Per Day 0.39 |
sorry guys for getting back to you so late- i was on holiday
james- thanks so much for the read. and as always, you offered some solid advice. as seen in me's response, i think the "nom noming" is a little too specific and alienates my audience. i'd have better luck using something more generic...something involing cats and cheezburgers perhaps. and i did look it up, and no, catmatch.com does not exist. and you cant go wrong citing dave chappelle especially in a review. i cant NOT disagree with you when you quote him haha
scription- thanks buddy! really glad you enjoyed it
me - yeah im going back and forth about whether or not to trim it. in all honesty, i really dont want to because i feel there's a lot of good one liners in it. and the "nom nomming" was in reference to icanhascheezburger.com - its a site with pictures of cats containing funny captions around them (and pretty much the reason why im not nearly productive as i should be). and you know, now that you mentioned it, i havnt seen any tuxedos on tv. like you suggested, maybe they dont train well. my sister owns a tuxedo and its the biggest b**** ive ever met (plus it has an a**hole the size of a silver dollar pancake...but i digress). thanks so much for the read and im glad you enjoyed it as well. |
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Reply: 12 - 33 |
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| screenrider |
| Posted: April 9th, 2010, 11:30pm |
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Albino,
This reminded me of a Saturday Night Live skit. I didn't think it was a funny as some of the previous readers mentioned but it'd be a humorous YouTube video. You should film it or send it to the Higgonaitior and see if he'll do it. Also I agree with McClung that the "pooping in the litter box line" was over the top.
Best of luck,
Mike
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Reply: 13 - 33 |
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| albinopenguin |
| Posted: April 16th, 2010, 1:12am |
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Green I got dipping sticks.
LocationPhiladelphia Posts652 Posts Per Day 0.39 |
excuse my naivety Mike but who is Higgonaitior? and actually James and I are thinking about filming it ourselves once he returns to the states
and of course, thanks for the read |
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Reply: 14 - 33 |
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