Rich, the issue with orphans is that they, in essence, waste a line.  If you write a 100 page script and have 2 orphans on every page, you know what you've got?  4 extra pages, for no reason.

It's no big deal but it's something that every writer should look for when doing an initial edit.

If you're doing a short for a contest, and you've got a 5 page maximum, and you've got 4 orphans on each page, you've wasted 20 lines, almost 1/2 a page that you could use much more effectively.

That's the deal, bud.

PS  your agents are most likely clueless as to what an orphan even is...you know?

Rich,

I think I see what you were going for here when you mentioned Night Gallery.  I've watched a few of those on youtube and they do have those 30 second vignettes in between the longer stories.  Sort of a very light appetizer between the main meals.

Here's one typo I don't know if anyone mentioned:

"The Vamp's eyes blow with a pink aura."

I'm thinking you meant glow.  The typo really changes the sentence.

This script reminded me of an old SNL episode I saw on Comedy Central a couple years back.  James Woods was Dracula and he was questioning each victim before he bit them, wanting to know how pure their blood is.  One girl says her boyfriend is Keith richards, and Woods just waves her away in disgust.

So, this "bad blood" joke has been done quite a few times before.  Your build up is okay, but the punchline is sorely lacking.  

Ryan1, I remember that James Woods/Dracula skit.  It was very funny.

However, Reed's blood isn't bad.  It just tastes like a different food flavor.  Sort of like tasting spinach when you really wanted a steak.

Okay, Dreamscale, I can see your point for longer scripts.  However, mine was just a page long.  Somehow the teaser on the unproduced scripts section doesn't mention that it is one page long.  Maybe if it had, this silliness between us might not have happened.

Make you a deal.  I'll keep an out for orphans in my scripts if you'll explain what orphans are to new writers.  

Also, if anyone out there gives me a term in their critiques of my scripts, please explain what they mean.  I do welcome your input, but I'm still rather new to simplyscripts, and I would like to know exactly what you are talking about.

I do thank you all for reading The Vamp.  I'll try to make the jokes more funnier in the future.  Richard

Read the version you sent me...not sure what others already said so this might be repetitive...

'that is not too overtly feminine...'  kinda an awkward phrase, sure its necessary?

This might make more sense if there was a reason for her to expect a different type, like it was implied that she picked him off a menu of unsuspecting people.

I do like the idea of random bits like this to throw in the middle of series or whatever though.  Or have this on TV during a longer piece or something.

Hey, Jack.

This script was just sold to If-X comics.  It will either appear in their April Fool's or Dangerous Dames issues.  The Halloween issue has already been set up, so The Vamp won't make it into that concept comic.

She picked Reed more for his good looks than his blood.  She wanted to wait until he was asleep before she bit him, but she always takes a chance in getting AB-negative blood when she bites someone.

The Vamp will also be appearing in a sequel in which she goes to a night club and is hit on by the weirdoes of the world.  One scuzzy guy says, "Hiya, Toots!  Let me buy you a drink!  Name your poison!"

She dryly replies, "Holy water!"

Okay, so it's not Shakespeare.  But ever since I joined SS, I've been having very good luck in selling my comic-book scripts.  I thank each and every one of you ladies and gents for reading my stories.

For those of you who like bad-taste sci-fi, stay tuned for my upcoming script called Samson and Minerva.  It's a bizarre cross between Sapphire and Steel and Monty Python.