Hi rotachdj!

Welcome to the boards and thanks for reading my script! I appreciate your kind comments. And yes, if I had the people and resources I would film it as well.

Beato,

Pretty interesting premise here.
I like mythologies with established rules.
Rules are very important to the "universe" of a story.
Without them, it's hard for a reader to ground themselves in a story.
I'm tired of "anything goes" Matrix style claptrap. So good on you there.
I did not read the first draft, but this one seemed fairly mistake free.
The "freezes" didn't quite work for me. I know what you were going for though.

That's my main problem with your script, over explanation suffocates your premise.
The level of exposition here rivals Inception. I can never glean a mood or vibe.
If you can tell this story sans the voice over overload back story, that would kick.
I feel like there should be suspense here, but I don't get that at all from the page.
I can see this being filmed, good luck with getting this into production.

It's a pretty neat idea, now your story needs some momentum.
Thanks for posting and keep writing!

Regards,
E.D.

Hey Electric Dreamer!

I'm sorry that my reply took this long. Got caught up in the holidays.

Thanks for reading and I appreciate your in depth reply.

I still have a long way to go in terms of the actual format of screenwriting, the rules, the do's, the don't, etc etc. I have been teaching myself via reading other people's scripts. I'm glad you enjoyed the premise. I wanted to do something different in the horror genre. I didn't want to indulge in cliche, at least I tried my best to.

I'm glad you brought up the part about exposition. You see, in the first draft of my script I did the exact opposite. I revealed too little. People couldn't really understand the message I was trying to get across. They thought it was like a scene of a much bigger piece.

So I rewrote it. I wanted to inject more hints as to what was actually happening, but I think I overdid it. I guess I have to hunt for that middle ground, maybe a second rewrite is in order.

If you have time, you can check out the original "Knock". I messaged Don about it and he reposted the first draft on the front page. It should be up. It's only 5 pages.

Again, thanks,
RCE

Hey guys!

Been a long time since I've been on this board.

Just wanted to share. My script "Knock" has been filmed by a Lebanese director called Wissam Mansour.

He made the film for his final project in film school and won best picture, best directing and best sound. According to him, it's going to be shown at the Notre Dame University film festival on November 6.

Here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14_gmcdHc9A

Pretty nice.   He did an excellent job of bringing your story to life.

I can see why he won the best picture, directing, and sound.

Good luck with this,

Cindy

This is a very effective production.
The exotic locales and foreign language really added to the experience for me.
Loved how the makeup on the hands was shot, the cloaks, all super.
I hope this short gets around, nicely done!

Regards,
E.D.