Quoted from dt Should I avoid the camera's eye and leave that up to the director?   Doug

That's the opinion I write with. Just tell the story. Unless you're going to direct it yourself, i see no need to put all that effort into how we're viewing this. I think most would agree... Writers and directors.

James

hey L86-

Thanks for the read!  For the sake of the script, it's not good I have to do this!  Or maybe it is good 'cause it might not be clear enough!  Anyway...I tried to let the situation(s) come to a boil with Steve lashing out on Mr. Mann and then tie it all back with Chad (the guys who started it all) coming back into the picture.  Again, thanks for the read and good luck!


Doug

Thanks James.  I sometimes find myself creating a new action paragraph for a new camera shot within a scene.  I need to reduce my action lines a lot,,,Thanks again...

Cheers!
Doug

Hey Doug,

I thought your script was pretty good.  I'm not that crazy about comedies, but I thought yours was well done.  After reading your script, I decided that instead of focusing on the idea/story, I'll just look at it as an exercise in screenwriting.  And in that way, I think you did a very good job.  You have a great visual way of writing.

The only technical detail I would suggest changing was already mentioned.  The separation of long descriptions.  To me, big chunks of sentences with no breaks in between, take more effort to read.  When those chunks are broken down, it significantly helps the flow.

Overall, I thought it was a well-written piece.  Good job.

Thanks gavinb.  You drive home some really really good points for me to not only work on now but keep in mind for the future.  thanks again...

dt