Thanks for the read and the comments. You've echoed some of the previous ones and I do intend to revisit this at some point.
Yes, it was a March challenge script, which could be no more than 8 pages, a certain # of people had to die, and it had to be at a celebration, and mine was an office party.
I took the direction very literally, which was all the action and deaths had to happen at the party - which hamstrung me as far as moving the characters around and delivering exposition.
Short story is that I tried to tell a 10 or 12 page story in 8 pages and failed.
I like these characters though, and I might revise it into a longer short, or a feature at some point.
Thanks again - AJR