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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  A New Job
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Don
Posted: August 28th, 2022, 10:40am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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A New Job by Linda Gould - Short, Drama - At a start-up film production company, office workers who are also aspiring screenwriters conspire to undercut each other. 7 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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Nomad
Posted: September 1st, 2022, 1:27pm Report to Moderator
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Job 1...  Read up on screenplay format.

While a few formatting errors can be overlooked, a blatant abandonment of format can not.

Job 2... Rewrite your dialogue to sound more natural.

Your characters sound like they're reading from a manual. Try reading your dialogue out loud and see how it sounds. I'm willing to bet that you'll see that people don't talk like that.

Job 3... Create a beginning, middle, and end to your story.

There really isn't a story here. It's just a few clips from someone's life and they don't really make sense.

Good luck.

-Jordan


Read my scripts here:
SOCIAL EXPERIMENT 8pg-Drama
THE BRIDGE 8pg-Horror
SCHEISSE 6pg-Horror/Comedy
MADE FOR EACH OTHER-FILMED
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Lgould
Posted: September 2nd, 2022, 8:56am Report to Moderator
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Thanks for your input. All valid points.
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