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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  The Lady in Red - OWC
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  Author    The Lady in Red - OWC  (currently 481 views)
ghost and_ghostie gal
Posted: September 14th, 2023, 8:17pm Report to Moderator
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Ahoy Chris De Burgh - looks like you're going to get two for the price of one. I think your writing and especially your dialogue are really solid - I like your characterization and the way you get us to  know these two. The emotional tension between them. The one thing I would say -- I wished you had opted for an alternative ending, or location. Still... sad, sweet, lovely. I luv it.  

Thanks for sharing. Best of Irish luck! _ghostie gal


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Abe from LA
Posted: September 15th, 2023, 8:06pm Report to Moderator
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I liked the theme of this story. Some of it was a misfire for me.
I never got a feel for Lauren liking Josh at any point, until she
shows up as he is proposing to his GF. I needed a hint that although
she was with Mark early in the story, maybe she and Josh grew up as friends
in elementary school, Jr. High and HS. Or had a friendship if not an intimate
relationship.

The end was bitter sweet. The note in Lauren's hand seemed convenient.
A sweet way to end the story, but it didn't sit well with me.
It was abrupt to go from the reunion to the hospital.
I think a dance would have been nice, as others mentioned.
Just to see them together. Maybe Lauren shows up to the reunion
and she and Josh share that dance. But she has an illness that keeps
her from connecting with Josh.
The missed opportunity angle didn't do it for me. Oh well, others liked or loved the story.
Majority rules.  Solid effort overall.
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Rob
Posted: September 15th, 2023, 8:16pm Report to Moderator
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I like rekindled romance stories just as much as the next guy. There were some nice moments in this. However, I find it hard to believe that Lauren arrives just in time to see Josh propose. Another thing: When did Lauren write the note? Was it before her accident? If she can write a note, then there must be hope.

Maybe Josh and Lauren will be together after all.
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SAC
Posted: September 15th, 2023, 9:06pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


… but some dreams do

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Writer,

I liked this one, but not the end. Not that I’m down on unhappy endings, but this was just a bummer, man. Anyhow, this was very visual, and it evokes memories of a much simpler time in life. I scored it well because of that. It really captured a place and time for me.

Steve


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