EXT/INT. UNIVERSITY CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
We observe through window three men having a discussion.
RYAN, (30s) walks in the room- obviously late for some
I have a few issues with this opening.
I think this shot will be at the discretion of the cinematographer or filmmaker. I donít see any real reason to have it "through the window".
Although you have said EXT/INT. in your slug you then go on to say "through window". At no point do you really give us a sense that we have moved inside. I mean we assume that, but I think it could be more clearly written.
MEN needs to be capitalised.
I'd lose the "we observe", if you write it down, we automatically observe it.
"walks in the room- obviously late for some meeting." How would this be obvious to the reader, what are we seeing? If I see someone walking I donít assume they are late. Maybe, barges in, or rushes in. Give us some sense as to how he visually seems late.
I assume the scientists are the men. If so, for clarity, introduce them as scientists or call them men in the dialogue, and establish that they are scientists through what they say.
continues discussion -
No need to say this, the fact that he talks means that he has continued the discussion.
The ending confused me, so they were in a simulation and the boy was controlling the scientists? I donít know.
Because of this confusion it doesnít work for me.
I think I get the idea though. Guy tries to get a grant to study whether everything is a computer simulation. Itís turned down by a kid running the simulation.
Itís a pretty good idea. The execution and clarity just needs to be cleaned up a bit.
All the best.