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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  Fairy
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Don
Posted: June 21st, 2018, 4:08pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Fairy by Simon Parker - Short, Sci Fi, Fantasy - A young friendless boy discovers a fairy, but taking him home he'll be risking it's life as it begins to age rapidly. 7 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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StevenClark
Posted: June 26th, 2018, 8:50pm Report to Moderator
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Simon,

I canít say that I see the bigger picture with this little tale. Donít take your youth for granted? Donít be selfish? Donít eat pancakes? I will say that the fairy returning to its young state was a surprise. I would have thought it would have died, giving young Alex something to really think about.

That said, the absence of Alexís parents was interesting, and the fact that the house didnít seem too tidy at all. You also mentioned that Alex would anger his parents, as well as a few other things that Iíd have to look back at. So maybe this is just the first real lesson that Alex learns on his journey through life.

Steve


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jayrex
Posted: July 23rd, 2018, 12:32pm Report to Moderator
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Cut to three weeks earlier

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Itía okay.  I'd make the fairy female.  Separately, I don't think fairies would grow in height.  I'd keep the fairy at fairy height and just do the aging thing.  Separately, if the entire forest is the fairyís home, then wouldn't he be okay before he actually got back to that tree?


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Lightfoot
Posted: July 23rd, 2018, 7:55pm Report to Moderator
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This is a nice little story you have here, would be easy to film.

I think you can extend it a couple of pages though. The best moments of Alex's life seem to coincide with the fairy getting closer and closer to death. Maybe tone down the health status of the fairy just a bit and have Alex attempt to heal the fairy by snapping a twig off the tree or look up odd remedies that he attempts but ends in failure. Make Alex desperate to keep the fairy around and them throw in that critical moment where Alex realizes he has no choice.


Good work.
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