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The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.
NOTE: these screenplays are NOT in the public domain and MAY NOT be used or reproduced for any purpose (including eductional purposes) without the expressedwrittenpermission of the author.
Your sluglines are all over the place and incorrect. Your formatting seems off. You have large action blocks that need to be broken up. You need to limit your parenthetical use. Watch your spelling, grammar, typos. Get rid of the continued at the bottom of the pages.
Read some professional screenplays and study the structure of them. Get a free version of screenwriting software (WriterDuet, Celtx) if you do not already have one and rewrite the script from what you have learned. You will learn a lot just from reading.
Remember you will get better with each screenplay you write. However, one must crawl before they walk. Keep working hard at it. You got this.
P.S. I have absolutely no idea what the note was at the end of your screenplay. If it is indeed a note it shouldn't come after The End.
A paragraph ENDS. A new paragraph BEGINS. The CUT TOs are NOT necessary.
CONTINUES galore. Even (CONT'D) followed by (Cont'd) on the CHARACTER line. Discontinue the continues.
ACTION lines need to be 4 lines or less, Some of these ACTION paragraphs are a challenge to read. Chop then up in to bite size for ease on the eyes.
The SCENE HEADINGS are formatted differently page to page.
Many scenes are over written. Rewrite them to make the sentences stronger. Visualize what you seen in your mind and write that with the fewest words possible.
I suggest a rewrite then rewrite again. Many pros rewrite 20 or more times.
All of us screenwriters started like this.
You do have a story. Your challenge is to make it an easy read of an inciting event.