I agree with Khamanna.  It seems like given the end-

SPOILERS

that he'd fight death and not Satan.

I thought it was pretty good, but, in retrospect, was he truly a superhero?  Or did he just find his way back to the world?

I was confused as to why there were houses, courthouses etc in Hell.  And why would Satan choose who goes where?

And what does the light power mean?  Again, lots of questions.

This is a tough one.  I'm really torn as to which story was the best.  Both had strong and weak points.

Dan

Quoted from DanC And why would Satan choose who goes where?

My take was that the story takes the Catholic view of suicide as a "mortal sin" not quite literally, that Satan still has to trick the soul into believing he deserves damnation. Maybe I'm reading too much into this.

I thought this script was good.  Easy to follow.  Easy to understand.  Just plain easy.

To me the topic was executed.  The ending was good too.

All the best.

Light

Short notes: You haven't completely met your genre imo. There's this long dark build-up and in third act it also became more of a creepy however intelligent way out, not exactly what I expect from this genre. Massively overwritten. Descriptions were repetitive. That said there's some noticeable story craft and creativity.

story (0-5): 3
character (0-5): 2
presentation (0-5): 2

total: 7

Hmm, torn on this one, read well enough to get across what was intended but I failed to connect with it and wasn't entirely convinced by it, though I can't quite put my finger on why.

For me, this is by far the toughest vote choice. There's only a little bit more of a story here but the ending was solid. The Satan dialogue could use some work. But him going all Constantine on their asses was cool.

I didn't really get anything out of the main character though. Instead of spending all that time dragging him to Satan, why not just have him wake up in the courthouse. Or have the apartment morph into the courthouse. With the extra space, you could have a real dialogue exchange between the two of them that might give some characterization.

Okay, I think I talked myself into the other one. But good effort!

I was so absorbed while reading and then either unnecessary or OTN dialog would derail me, which was really too bad. Easy fixes to make this a really great short. The reveal at the end was a nice twist although I'm not sure this makes him a superhero. The doctor's the superhero for saving his ass.

Story-wise, I liked it a lot. Great job.

Satan talks like a dummy.

I get that the hero committed suicide but you've written him to be a sadomasochist as his entire body seems to be covered in scars. That's a bit much I think. Unless that just happened to be his appearance in hell and I missed that aspect.

Not sure why this guy has powers in hell. I think the story is a bit too ambitious for 5 pages and as such, it suffers. Needed to be much more small scale and intimate for it to work. But superhero in hell is a strange set of conditions to write for so kudos for the twist ending.

Hey everyone,

Thanks for giving this a read. I wish I could've done better with it, but this was a hard topic for me since Hell is really the only relevant thing I could write about, as I don't write action or superheroes (nor do I watch them either).

And the dialogue sucks, I know. I added in some of Satan's lines at the very end just before submitting. Dialogue is really hard for me for some reason, so any advice on how to write better speaking lines, please let me know!

I'm glad that those who enjoyed the story did. I can see how some people thought that he wasn't really a superhero, but I gave him powers to battle through Hell so I figured that that would be enough. And I wish I made Hell a little more personal instead of usual grim and torture, but at least it wasn't brimstone and fire like a lot of work depicts it as.

Must've been a tough decision for you all, mine and AJRs were neck and neck for the longest time! But alas, mine failed to impress toward the end of the voting. Oh well! Worth a shot and it was a lot of fun! Thanks again everyone for reading and giving your thoughts and opinions!

How can you love zombies and not superheroes??  You'd get a kick out of Marvel Zombies.  That was lots of fun.