Maybe I'm just too out of it but I read it twice and still don't get it. They talk about the chip doesn't let June go past the perimeter. But she's on the bus driving past whatever the perimeter must be. Then when she gets off a magnet pulls her. So is the chip a giant magnet? Was that bus stop right past the perimeter?

I think you were going for some subtle, unspoken stuff under the surface of that conversation. But it's a little too subtle. If Monica knows June is driving out to kill herself I think she would say something about it, maybe just indirectly. She would at least react with sadness to June leaving.

Also, I have no idea what the point of the Wiry Guy was.

I think with a re-write you can get to something quite poignant. Probably just an issue of time.

This had some flaws and rough edges but was a quick read and was kinda charming.

The end was confusing. Not sure why the grandma cyborg had her face melted off or why she was hovering. That coulda all been cut. That said, I liked this. The history talk was kinda funny. Hell, most kids don't seem to know anything about the Revolutionary War these days as is.

Hey mate, love to know where you were going with this one?

Quoted from Warren Hey mate, love to know where you were going with this one?

Thanks all for reading and voting for my script.

To tell you the truth, I’m not really sure what this all meant. I guess Wiry Guy represents the bullshit Monica was leaving behind, with the AI being a guardian angel of sorts, pushing her on her way out. I didn’t have much idea what to do it where to go, and I wrote this in about an hour on deadline night, no rewrite. So if it seems disjointed, it is. Sci-fi of this kind is very hard for me, and I just tried to do it my own way. Wouldn’t be the first script I wrote where peeps didn’t know what was going on, but thought it was charming or poignant in a sense. So, I’m glad people felt that way. Other than that, it is what it is.

Steve