Didn't understand the opening scene, we're EXT but the Orchestra is outside tuning their instruments?

The character interplay was great though I didn't find it overly comedic, would have liked to see a little more and a stringer ending.

Was the orchestra playing the whole time or practicing? That was kinda weird.

It read clean and fluid but it really didn't do it for me, which is too bad. It's well written but I finished with a 'so what' kind of feeling.

Untitled Short: A True Vomit Draft

Short notes: lol. Hope this title is no understatement. p1 What up with the slugs there?? Where's Jake? So, Jake is the Conductor? Not enjoying to do this, but I must say I didn't get in touch with the text there is. Couldn't put in places, pictures, movement. If I'm wrong, which might be, don't consider the following, otherwise, if you want one advice, I'd say, think hard about the psychology of writing a text for someone who reads your words for the very first time. Turn the table and take their place. There's a lot, a gigantic field to experience, learn and internalize. I myself have lots and lots of work in front of me myself regarding that specific topic because I want to be much stronger than I am in this regard. The limit there is infinite. We couldn't spend enough time getting behind some of it. Hope not to discourage and actually that others went with it.

story (0-5): 1

character (0-5): 2

presentation (0-5): 1

total: 4

This script is mine. Thanks to everyone who commented.

The feedback is excellent. I don't know that I'll bother making any changes. Not sure. But, if I do, you've all given me great ideas for improvement.

Clearly I'd fix the open. The intention was to start with a clever way to show that Jake was screwing around instead of working. So, he's on the conductor stand. In his head, he's conducting. I let the audience hear it, just to further establish the setting. But, that didn't work.

And, I loved Zero's (and a few other's) advice about connecting the open to the close.

Anyway, had a bunch of fun. Can't wait for round 2. I'll try and put a bit more meat on the bone for the next round. I'll have to, if I want to survive!