Retired

Was the backwards thing inspired by Irreversible?

Anyway, this was well written and handled well, not sure I saw a reason Crystal had come back but you don;t always need to explain.

Good job.

Yeah, it wasn't meant to be completely backward, but rather sequence jumbled. that's another reason I liked it. Smart.

I must be having a bad day.  I didn't care for either story.

I missed the backward gimmick totally until the end.  I realized that it was out of order, but, not backwards.

I didn't care for it.  I think it's the slugs or something, but, we need to know what's going on.

SPOILERS

So, we're supposed to think that a big detective is afraid of a junkie CI??  I don't buy it.  At all.

And the other story was very confusing.  I had literally no clue what was going on.

This is really hard....  But, I think I'm going for the cop one because it's more ambitious.

Dan

Two Blind Mice -- Hard to stick with this one. The dialogue just didn't have a good flow to it. You're throwing too much information at us from the get go. A huge real estate millionaires party with armed guards and all these characters being introduced while texting other characters.

I liked some of the exchanges between Carlee and Tommy. There was a spark of something there. I wish the whole script had just been about them.


Retired -- Well written. I didn't find any of the characters particularly interesting or care about them so I wouldn't say I loved it. But it was ambitious with the sequence. It pulled me along just wanting to know what happened.

Speaking of what happened, what did happen? Can someone explain the ending to me? It says her eyes spring open to dead, lifeless eyes. So, does she come back as a ghost and kill them. I though at first Malloy killed Lawson and then someone killed him. But I guess she came back to life as a spirit or something and killed them both?

Hmm two more that have potential but kind of lose their way.

Two Blind Mice - heavily influenced by city crime and corruption stuff, was well written but became very convoluted and hard to follow. The chars seemed to just talk and tell us what was going on.

Retired - yeah the out of sequence was ok but didn’t leave a satisfied feel to it.

Retired - One of two high-concept entries and this one seems to be fairing a lot better than the other. Good story, fits criteria and the writers knows their stuff. I don't think the out of order sequence is a gimmick, it had a purpose in Memento and I think it works with purpose here. Tough act to sell in so little time, well done.

Two Blind Mice - Up against tough competition. There's nothing really awful about this, it's just kind of mediocre. With awkward phrasings here and there and characters that are lacking a bit common sense, this one falls short.

Retired

I dug the backward structure, it served the story well rather than just being a gimmick. I didn't like how it turned out to be the reanimated corpse of a prostitute though, that just seems lazy and undermines the piece as whole.

However, I also appreciate you have parameters to adhere to and a limited writing time so for that its a more than a decent job.

Col.

Two Blind Mice
This was a lot of characters talking a lot, and at times something would come out of Tommy that I’d wonder if it wasn’t really Lenny’s line mis-labeled. Then a sniper shot a security guard because... bad aim? He probably had it coming, but sorry this was just a bit too tangled for me.

Retired
On a whim, I decided to vote, then check the reviews, then have some dinner, then comment, then read the script. Just kidding, but the Pulp Fiction “we assembled the film reels in the wrong order” effect confused me until the second change in scene. I don’t know what belongs in the slugline in that situation, but maybe putting a clock on screen would help the audience keep their sanity.

Was there some secret parameter that you two received that the story must be confusing? Retired’s confusion was more entertaining.