Django Returns by Harguide Hutchinson - Western - Django enters the town of Stillwater searching for his family's killer ... dragging a coffin -- unnerving the townspeople and causing apprehension among the lawless. 112 pages - doc, format

well,
I will first off hand it to you on your first script.

I made it to page two and stopped for a few resons.

Get a script writing program. It makes your script writing much more professional and cleaner. Some are even free.

WAY TO MANY .... AND -- if you know what I mean. They are everywhere. I mean everywhere. You may be using them in lue of BEAT but it is killing your script.

Drop the camera angles. Directors-direct, writers - write. Leave the camera angle to them. The panning, slow motion, all of it, lose.

In several lines, you explain without showing it. Remember when you write, you have to be able to translate it to the screen.
An exapmle:

He is DJANGO … a man hellbent on revenge … and if justice comes as a partner that is alright.

How would you put that on screen? It would be tough.    

Keep your action lines to two or three lines. Four max. On some of your's there are 7 or 8 lines long. You even have one there 13 lines long.
These are all things most of us do wrong on our first few scripts. I am still very new to this and am still learning as well.

I hope some of this helps. Buy the way, good first effort. Keep on writing.

Shawn.....><

Shawn,
I have read your words of advice...and your evaluation. Thanks.
Harguide Hutchinson.