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Criminal Mind by Helio J. Cordeiro & Si Dunn - Short, Crime, Adventure - An escaped prisoner thinks he has gotten away with murder, until an unexpected situation makes him pay for his crime. 11 pages - pdf, format
Thought I'd give this a quick read before I hit the sack. I really liked it, it could even be one of my favourite Helio scripts. Great imagery with the vine leaf throughout. An easy read, very visual, and a nice twist at the end.
The format on this one seem to be good, you're getting better and better.
SPOILERS:
I like the Vine Leaf reference throughout the script.
A 10 year old Italian girl calling out for "mom"? How about Mama or something.
A didn't like Nino killing the girl and the mother, but you probably wanted us to dislike Nino. I just don't like seeing kids killed, gets me real fired up.
Nino's quite a drinker! I think if I consumed several bottles of wine I'd passed out somewhere. Probably somewhere I shouldn't be.
"A fiftyish tub of lard" I like that description.
I like how "Don" gives the "Chosen" a big party before killing them, prostitutes and everything.
I do think Nino is hitting the wine way to much though. I feel numb just thinking about it.
I think it's funny how Nino tries to convince the "thugs" that he is one of the Chosen and ultimately that's what's kills him.
This was nicely written Helio, I do believe you are getting better and better.
Now, about that Brazilian proposal, ... I'm still thinking about it.
I think Nino is a...you know, he maybe said the sentence under my replys " I never made a friends drinking milke" I think he is some Jack Sparrow's relatives. Just between you and me who want to be a friend of a crap like Nino, who?
I'm not feel well writing about a child been killed. I didn't show it, did I? No! Anyway thanks for your kind words...
PS: sometimes i think that to become better and better could be mine ruin.
Me too i dont laked the death of 10 year girl (but i think it was suggested by the vine leaf's presant in the script wich i think was very nicely done, and to make Nino very bad and unplesant man) otherwise it was interesting story with easy read. A nice short screenplay.
Hey, Helio -- don't you have a story up called "Vine Leaf" or something like that? I seem to remember that one from a while ago. Was that you? Is this a reworking of that old story?