A Glass of Water by Josh Penfold - has been removed. It was plagiarized.   Josh Penfold stole the script from http://www.darkheartproductions.com  You can view the real work at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrKnhOJ-R80

Don't be scum like Josh.  Don't steal.  

Don

This was pretty good, IMO. A couple of minor errors in there, like starting a sentence with a lower case letter, and using "we" in the descriptions. The dialogue was a little bit too cliche at times too. Other than that, it was pretty damn enjoyable. It reminded me of The Twilight Zone, and believe me, take that as a compliment because I loved that show. I didn't see the ending coming at all. In fact, that's a pretty nifty concept/idea for a story. Good job. Just curious, are you planning on developing this into a feature length script or do you plan on keeping it as a short?

This reminded Marshall of a Twilight Zone episode because it's very similar to an episode where a couple are given a box with a button on it and are told if they press it they'll get a heap of money, however, someone they don't know will die. The guy who gives them the box says they have 24 hours to think about it and then leaves.
Eventually they push the button and the guy comes back to pay up and collect the box. The couple ask him who's getting the box next and he tells them that it will be somebody they don't know.

Even though your ending was good and unexpected, the overall story was too much like that Zone episode for mine.

Yeah, that was the episode I was thinking of. It also reminded me of that episode with the criminal who goes to heaven, but the twist is that it is really hell. I guess the resemblance I see is that in this short script, the character thinks something good is going to happen to him, but in the end, he's going to hell. Obviously, that episode and this short aren't that much alike, but something reminded me of it.

Hey guys thanks for the comments! As for the similarities between the twilight zone, i wouldn't know as i'm 18 and haven't seen any episodes . My inspiration came from the opening quote i happened to stumble upon and my cynical nature. Also i enjoyed dropping hints about the outcome so that when you read it again you see how it all comes together, hopefully any way.
In response to marshallamps12, yes i am planning to take this into production as my second short as it is a natural progression of my skills. Also i'm not sure how well the concept would hold up for a feature length film. I realize that some of the dialogue is cliche, but you you please point out specific examples for me as this would be a great help.

   I think this is a very interesting concept.  I can see why others are relating it to a Twilight Zone episode, because it has all the makings of a well-acted story.  Most of the story is told through dialogue, which a lot of people will say is a downfall, but I think a lot of imagery can be seen through someone's speech.  (Let's face it, in modern cinema, the only people who go out to see movies are because if they like the actor or not.)

   With a couple of rewrites, I think this has all the makings of a more suspenseful, slow thriller.  While it might have worked really well in the fifties, some of the dialogue can be changed to make it more modern and not come off as cheesy, which I think Chris Reid and marshall were slowly hinting at.

   -  Mark

I liked this story.  The dialogue was simple enough to understand without getting lost and whilst I know it was only 8 pages long, I read straight the way through without having to stop and check back.

I liked the ending, especially the line "don't worry, I'll be seeing him next".

I would like to see this written as a feature length though.  I dont know how you would do this.  Perhaps it could start with the Mr. Oak waking up in a room with death (i'm assuming he's death) and probing him about his life.  Then extensive flashbacks about Mr. Oak's life - his problems with money, marriage etc... and perhaps we could see how he battles with himself to make his choice.

Just an idea but well done though!

I thought this was a pretty good short.  Like others have said, you can take and expound on it.  Maybe flashbacks of his life could really help show how he turned down the salvation and why he so desperately needs what is in the briefcase.

And bravo at never showing what was in the briefcase.  At first, I was disappointed that you didn't show or mention what was in there.  But then again, if it was something cheesy (like, if it was just full of money) then that would have destroyed the piece.

Really cool idea, the dialogue was the only thing that bothered me. I think you should develop Mr. Oak more, get inside his head, put yourself in his shoes, and his lines will seem less contrived. Right now he doesn't seem like a real person to me. Other than that it was really solid. I think it's better as a short piece instead of a feature, because if it was a long piece you'd figure out the surprise because you have more time to think about it. A half-hour piece at most would be cool if you want to give it more depth I think.

Nice work

So I was talking to a friend of mine today.  He told me that he saw this amazing short film on youtube and wanted me to take a look.  Low and behold....it was this short.

Now named "Black Button" this film was simply amazing.  Great style, great acting, great effects towards the end.

I am extremely impressed.

Keep it up,
Jonathan

Definitely a good watch, but I would have ended it a little differently myself.



SPOILER

Pushing/not pushing the button would have been to save his own soul.  Had he taken the key he would have survived the accident.

Mjolnir, in June, said:

Quoted from Mjolnir yes i am planning to take this into production as my second short as it is a natural progression of my skills.

Black Button, though, was posted to YouTube in Janurary.

Seth

I read the story "Button, Button" by Richard Matheson (I am Legend) in high school, which is the story the Twillight Zone episode was based on, and while the makers of Black button claim to have never heard of it, and merely using the age old Faustian dillemma, the coincidences are staggering.

I couldn't enjoy it that much because of this, because even if they were unaware of it, the concept is almost identical, and been done twice before (at least).

As for whether or not the author of this piece has anything to do the Black Button. Well, doesn't really matter to me.

The reason why stories like these work so well, actually why a lot of the stories in Twilight Zone worked so well is they have a "what would I do" aspect, which draws us in.  I didn't have as much of a problem with Mr. Oak not having a full backstory because we don't need it.  We can fill in our own backstory and it would be just as satifying. Mr. Oak's slow prcession into accepting first the choice and then making that choice was also well done.  I also enjoyed that last line because it sets up that "god's filter" has a lot of success.

Mr Penfold,

My name is Lucas Crandles, and I am the author of the script you have plagiarized. I am also the director of the film 'Black Button', seen on YouTube by half a million people. Did you really think you would get away with this? You have copied my film word for word, changing a button with a glass of water and Mr Roberts to Mr Oaks. Did you honestly believe I wouldn't find out about that? From the quote at the beginning, to virtually every single word in the script, to the characters, to the ending, you have copied EVERYTHING. Not borrowed, not adapted, COPIED!

I can, of course, prove my script came first. I have the film copyrighted from March 2006 and it is registered as such with an Australian film database (an important point for Mr Penfold to recognise). The film was released on YouTube in January (as someone has observed in this forum) Anyone wishing to see the proof can do so at my website:

http://www.darkheartproductions.com

or the film link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrKnhOJ-R80

On there you can see all relevant dates and the progression of the film from pre to post production, including the writing phase. I even make mention of the bible quote and how I found it, and other details in a Making of short film on YouTube; how the story came about, the writing process etc. All comparisons to the Twilight Zone in premise accepted, it is not an original premise (Faustian bargain) but it is most certainly an original script. To blatantly lift every word from a script and pass it as your own is to me, quite frankly, unbelievable.

I will be contacting you personally, Mr Penfold, to remove this script and your name from it, or I can assure you you will be hearing from a lawyer.

Apologies to everyone caught up in this, but as I'm sure you can appreciate, it's no small matter to me considering the film took me 2 months to write and nearly a year to edit and was my first professional short.

Anyone with any questions can email me (contact details available on the website)

Thank you.

Lucas Crandles