Cruel by Duane P. Craig - Horror - An axe wielding "Beast" of a man abducts a teen girl stricken mute since seeing the wrongful death of her friend. One by one, each of seven different people are killed in front of the teen girl as a means of shock therapy to cure her traumatic muteness. The seven victims are each responsible for the cover-up of the Political Official who should have gone to prison for the wrongful death. 42 pages - pdf, format



Cruel is a silent-horror-film that is just as much a cat-and-mouse thriller. The film is purposely done silent and for good reason per the intelligence of the concept. The film will end with a twist that should solidify this filmmaker’s vision and firm place into the industry. The entirety of the film will present style over substance. The filmmaker firmly believes that blood and gore scares no one, but that one can present horrors to any audience in the perfect suspensful style such that it can be disturbing and never forgotten - much as Alfred Hitchcock had done so many years before.

Thanks to Don for help with the promo!!

Cruel is scheduled to be screened at various horror festivals throughout the US in the coming months. We all have high hopes for this movie so any feedback on script, trailer and overall concept would be greatly appreciated.

Cheers.

I thank you as well, Don.  I appreciate this greatly.  I hope that the film appeals to as many an audience as possible, but if it only begets a cult following, that's cool, too.  Either way, it all starts with exposure and promotion, and via Simply Scripts, I'm pretty sure that people are going to be " in-the-know. "

very much appreciation,

Duane

Quoted from Conflict Scripts - Stu any feedback on...the trailer...would be greatly appreciated.

Are you strictly limited to a one-minute run time?

I ask because it is not at all clear what is going on here.  I popped open the script and searched the word "toilet" to find the scene in question, and here is what I did not get from your trailer:

1) That this girl is in any danger at all (I thought SHE was holding the axe, peering under the stall -- the hair is identical -- and what she is holding looks like an axe at fist glance).
2) That her slipping off the toilet is at all significant.
3) That she is being pulled under the wall of the stall.
4) That the girl at the end is, in fact, a different girl.
5) That this other girl has seen everything and is terrified by it.

That is a whole lot to miss, you know?

Part of the problem is the black and white -- which is normally fine -- but looks very dark here, at least on my screen -- making all three of your characters look pretty much alike.  Another problem is the quick cuts, which I would suggest are way too quick.

I would recommend shortening the length of the title cards (if you are limited to one minute), particularly the one reading "Cruel", and devoting a few more seconds to the action on-screen to clarify what is going on.  It could be suspenseful -- but remember, the viewer is not familiar with the story -- and right now it is just confusing and not at all representative of the scene as written.


[EDIT]  And added as an afterthought, are you sure this is really what you meant to say?

Quoted Text The entirety of the film will present style over substance.

That sounds pretty negative.  I would consider excluding that sentence -- or rewording it a bit, at the very least.

First off, thanks for taking enough interest to critique.  That is key to any filmmaker, as it helps me in the long run.

I hope you'll find the answers you seek in the following:

You apparently have the same problem that I've had on certain monitors ( LCD mostly ) where watching a youtube version of the trailer, you see how they compressed, pixelate and darken the footage a lot.  I immediately refer you to http://www.myspace.com/gnomeguy3 for another player's version of the trailer  -  http://www.cinfect.com/Cinfect.....r.wmv  for the silverlight version of the trailer ( you'll have to download the free silverlight player - very simple ).

Once you can see a clear version of the trailer, then you clearly see that there are three seperate characters:  The Beast with the axe - Carly the African American girl hiding in the first stall - Lindsay the mute Caucasian girl on the floor in the second stall.

The idea was to do a teaser trailer.  That means specifically to tease you.  You are purposely only seeing about 35 seconds of about an 8 minute scene.  You are supposed to miss some things.  We didn't think everyone would want to read the original treatment when we made the teaser, nor did we think we'd be asked to make it public.  SS found it worthy, and so it has come to be.  We did edit quickly, but once again, depending on what player/monitor/CPU you view the trailer through, you may get mixed results of lagging and/or jumps in what you see.  What I can absolutely promise you is that I am incredibly OCD, and in the editing room I have put them through the ringer as to how I want the final footage to look.  Once on dvd ( or in a theater ) you will see everything as clearly as I intended you to.  It'll be in the highest rendered quality then anyway.  There are some other scenes that I left rather dark, but those you will notice because of the silhouetting that I found to work well.  I am a David Fincher fan, but trust me, I have my amounts of darkness that I can tolerate, too.  I actually found it quite hard to watch that Terminator Chronicles tv show of late...it was really, really dark and annoyed me in parts.

The title cards are the length that my editor and I compromised on.  I read quick...he reads slower...then you have to think ahead for those that may blink or look away, so you give them that extra split second.  I promise you that a lot of thought went into it.  Nothing about post production is as simple as I hoped or ever imagined it to be.  In fact, filming the movie took exactly 12 days scattered across 7 weekends from Oct. 2007 to Dec. 2007.  Post production started up every weekend from mid-Feb. to the first of June.

The last important thing to explain is that, yes, the film is intended to be more style over substance.  When not taken out of context from the original conversation where I mentioned that ( which is a fault to no one at all...just happens...oh, well ) what is meant pertains to the current state of horror films.  We had a shoestring budget to get a lot of ideas on screen for people to see.  What had to happen for us to do that is to film it more like Alfred Hitchcock would instead of how Alexandre Aja would.  I had to use shadows.  I had to use quick cuts.  I had to use more of a style instead of showing you all of the gory substance that most horror films throw in your face.  I think that it worked quite well, though.  I really do.  I'm a Hitchcock fan first and an Aja fan second anyway.  Does that mean that I will always choose to film that way?  Nope.  Given the chance with a real budget to make a film, I bet that I'm going to be able to give people nightmares.  In fact, I've got several other scripts that are ready to do so.  For now, though, I'll settle with being able to just rather disturb you psychologically, as that's all we could afford...haha.

Lastly...there wasn't a real, full-on trailer that I could agree on.  Perhaps I'll go back and look again, but with the movie being so much more suspense than eye candy, gory pay-offs, I think that the teaser works best.  If I showed you more of the intensity and end result of that one scene, then you'd not have to watch it again in the film.  I think a lot of film trailers give away too much sometimes, so I was being cautious, too.

I always like critiques.  I always welcome any questions.  I'm always going to be a down-to-Earth guy who appreciates filmfans, even if they come at me with heinous and horrid attacks ( I'm not at all saying you are doing this...just saying that I know that's coming from someone, someday...so I'm ready...haha ).  I'm a new filmmaker, and as a fan of films first and foremost, I think that I deserve nothing less than to be shaped and molded by and for other filmfans.  I know I have much to learn, and I'm very willing.

much appreciation,

Duane

Hence why we came to Simply Scripts, to get that vital feedback from valued writers & film fans.

Cheers.