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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  A Nightmare on Elm Street (Dickson version) Moderators: bert
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  Author    A Nightmare on Elm Street (Dickson version)  (currently 4722 views)
Don
Posted: February 8th, 2009, 3:25pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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A Nightmare on Elm Street (Dickson version) by Eric Dickson - Horror - Nancy Thompson dreams of being stalked by a razor clawed madman who claimed her sister's life twenty years earlier.  91 pages. - pdf, format


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Aaron
Posted: February 9th, 2009, 1:48pm Report to Moderator
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I love this one, formating for as far as I have read seems good, I'll be back later for my final thoughts. The beginning is pretty cool


Isle 10- A series I'm currently writing with my friend Adam and it will go into production soon. Think The Office meets 10 Items or Less.

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Dark Shape
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I flipped through the first few pages and was impressed with the formatting (usually a major issue with this type of thing).  The dialogue sounded fairly natural, too.  I'll give it a read.
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Sham
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I read the whole thing. Really good for a fan script.

I'd offer a longer review if I knew whether or not the writer was around to read it.


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Shelton
Posted: March 29th, 2009, 9:25am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Sham
I read the whole thing. Really good for a fan script.

I'd offer a longer review if I knew whether or not the writer was around to read it.


He's around.  Hes "Jack" on the board.


Shelton's IMDb Profile

"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper." - Steve Martin
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ericdickson
Posted: April 1st, 2009, 6:59pm Report to Moderator
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I haven't had regular internet for a couple months now.  I'd like to hear your comments.  Sorry if I don't get back to you right away.

Eric
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Old Time Wesley
Posted: August 28th, 2009, 4:46pm Report to Moderator
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The logline is poorly done. Might want to fix it up a little.

Your opening compared to the original is weak. I like the fact that
they introduced Freddy right away. I liked your kids singing but you
should have continued with his intro because it is about him.

All the chief talk at the beginning makes no sense. I didn't get what they were talking about when they were talking about the chief.

When they go see Maggie they tell her that they found all the dead
bodies and one matches the description of her daughter. Why would they
tell that to someone? Shouldn't they have a picture instead of only a
description. Did she age in front of us or what, I'm confused by this
part.

I didn't know he was Maggie's husband which should have been
established because when she gets angry at him it's odd until I
discovered they are married.

That also makes the whole matching description part weird since they know each other.

Glen jello wrestles two bikinis? Is that possible? Was anyone wearing
them or was he miming? (Obviously I know they were but in the script it just says he wrestles two bikinis.)

When Tina finds out that Rod wasn't cheating (Kinda) it feels a lot
like the scene in Scream.

Rod kind of raped her as she was barely awake during the whole thing.
Also having sex in a horror film usually means death.

On page 24 - 25 the back door swings open and the whole description is
in capitals... why? I would just make it normal.

Freddy has a red/black shirt, why the change?

Tina's death scene aftermath is a little horror movie cliche. Oh, a
framed boyfriend. It would probably have been better if Freddy became
the boyfriend as they made love in the dream and said something
clever... a little more Freddy like.

Nancy was able to just turn over and fall asleep? Really?

I don't even understand why he kidnapped Nancy. That is worse than
hiding in the sewer alone cause it really only works for exposition
about Freddy so Nancy can continue the story. (In the film he gets arrested trying to kidnap her)

I like Rod's death however the NANCY's DREAM stuff gets confusing.
Either it is all her dream or not but the way it reads is not how I
think you envisioned it (IE Going from one to the other)

When Nancy falls asleep in class, really?

So, Cindy, the victim may be related to Nancy. This is what annoys me
about horror. The coincidental plot points.

On page 52 - 53 you shouldn't tell us he stalls when the next scene he
literally does stall haha

On Page 53 - 54 the father tells Nancy about Freddy Krueger yet a few
scenes before Nancy learns about the same stuff. You should try not to
repeat yourself for exposition.

And Glen also being related to the equation. This neat little bow
you're tying here is way to off-putting because the story is getting
plot points that are just too coincidental.

Glen falling asleep in her room and appearing back in his room is odd
but him falling asleep has been done before.

I think Freddy should have had a voice in this film. For all the
haters of his jokey nature he needs more dialogue. The I'm your
boyfriend now line was weak at best.

What is with all the yelling in capitals of people's names? It almost
makes it funny sometimes when it's not supposed to be.

Did she know he would come to the real world when she woke up cause
her reaction says she did but the story says she didn't plan this. The
revolver disappears for a bit and should have been reestablished once
she woke up before shooting him.

"The dream demon" description after he's dead just comes off weird.

Once the father comes back from where he was you don't establish if
the stuff that happened was real (Ie describing him having any
injuries)

It felt like you had too many "endings" like Lord Of The Rings it just
kept going and going when it should have stopped when it really ended
with Freddy dying.

Take out Freddy Kreuger and it's just your average teenage slasher
flick. I like the character of Freddy all the time but when he's not
on screen it becomes average again.

My problem with the killers who can't die and need 100 sequels is that
at some point you must ask yourself "What is the point if every time
you kill him he comes back?" it is not as fun when a character gets
dragged past the point where they become a joke.

At the end of the day as not a big horror fan I would say this was
below average however as someone who watches a lot of movies it would
fit right in with what they are releasing these days anyway.

You have the skills to write a feature so I think you'll do better
when you do original stuff. Good luck with that and I would probably
check it out to see how you've grown from this.

Bigger, better and more bad-ass or why bother is my thoughts on it.
You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by writing a better
script when doing a fanfic.

I didn't hate the script but I feel once you take out Freddy it is below average
and with him it is just average because nothing new was done here. This is
just my opinion of course.


Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.
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ericdickson
Posted: August 29th, 2009, 9:37pm Report to Moderator
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I wrote this script for fans of the original film.  It pretty much follows the same plot as the first Nightmare.  Its not something Im going to submit to a company (obviously they're making this movie now anyway).  I thought fans of the first movie would get a kick out of it.  What most people hate about the reimagining horror franchises is that it disregards the original films and what made them good.  They try something different and typically fail in doing so.  Not always, but most of the time.  

After countless, horrible sequels from movies like Halloween and Friday the 13th, I prefer to see a remake that is faithful to the original, because the original is always the best.  What I did here is followed the original movie's plot and put a couple different spins on it.  I tried to write a NOES script that I would want to see myself.  Basically, I wrote a TRUE remake, not a reimagining.  

Im not trying to break new ground here, but stay true to what I think made the original film so great.  It's simplicity, darkness, Freddy in the shadows, good death sequences, and also, the nightmares in the first movie were closer to reality and not CGI nonsense like most of the sequels.  i.e., Freddy turning into a speeding motorcycle???  WTF???  What seems like reality, but is actually a dream is scarier to me than knowing you're in a dream.  

Also, Freddy making jokes killed the series.  He should shut his mouth and just kill.  The simplicity of NOES part 1 it is what make it the best, and most memorable in the series.  With horror, simpler is better in my opinion.  Get the most out of the least.  Don't be loud, stupid and obvious, and don't try to be so hardcore that the violence overshadows the story.  I kept key scenes from the original, like Tina and Glen's deaths.  There are scenes in the first movie that were so memorable, you just have to put them back in there, you know?

Also, I have to disagree with you about Mickey and Cindy being relatives.  I like how Glen and  Nancy are related to past victims of Freddy.  It might seem a little too neat, but gives Freddy a reason to come after Glen and Nancy.  It makes sense.  Why is he targeting them and not other kids?  I just tried to make more sense of it than what they did in the original films.  

Remember from the series, Freddy is attacking the children of the parents who set him on fire.  I tried to answer the question of why Nancy?  I never understood in the original film why he targeted Nancy and Tina and the other friends.  Was it because their parents killed Freddy?  

Sorry you didn't like it, but I enjoyed writing it.  As a die hard fan of Craven's original, I'd like to see this one on the big screen.  That's how I usually approach my scripts.  I write scripts that I'd like to watch myself.  Not necessarily trying to cater to mainstream, (whatever that means), but try to write as good a script as I can.  In this case, patting the original on the back.  I don't like bigger, better, more Bad Ass when it comes to horror.  Especially remake movies.  I like it to make sense, be simple and confident.  I like a slow building of lingering suspense, not in your face and obnoxious.  

Wes Craven's first Nightmare wasn't obnoxious or loud, or in your face with Freddy cracking jokes.  It was simple, neat and scary.  

Sorry for rambling on.  Im passionate about ANOES.  It might not seem like it from this post, but your opinion and your time is appreciated.  I don't agree with a lot of your comments, but do we always have to?  

The way I see it, some horror fans want bigger, more bad ass, more violence, more loud, the bigger the better...and others like the more subtle approach.  Horror fans will always be divided on this.  I tried to write a more sublte, true remake to the first movie.  Not break new ground.  That's about it.      

Much appreciated,      

Eric  

        
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dresseme
Posted: August 31st, 2009, 4:58pm Report to Moderator
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Eric,

I'm afraid I'm going to be echoing most of Wesley's comments on the script: my main one being that it just wasn't anything all that original.  I read your response where you talked about not wanting to stray too far from the original NOES, but I think that was your biggest problem.  I guess I just don't understand the point of writing a re-boot if you're not going to make things significantly different and look at the story in a new light.  It's been awhile since I saw the original NOES, but while I was reading this, I felt like I was reading a watered-down version of that.

Allow me to point to another script on this site: Sniper's (Robert's) reboot of "Deliverance".  In that script, he managed to take a film that he loved, and inject his own style/flavor into it while still remaining true to the source material.    Because you never really tended to stray that much, nothing really felt like your own.  It all just felt like re-hashing, that sorry to say, could have been done by anyone.

Also, I agree with Wesley once more that Freddy's lines were pretty cringe-inducing and you should probably just lose them altogether (although I liked Freddy when he spoke in the films).  I'll get you my pretty! is just kind of over-the-top and cheesy (which you claim you weren't going for).

I did enjoy the parts with Freddy though, to a degree.  I enjoyed the deaths and found them to be pretty cool and visually appealing.  However, I felt like all of the dream sequences started to feel the same.  A lot of walking around punctuated by Freddy jumping out.  Now, this followed the original film, but this could have been one of the places you strayed.

The beginning is also a bit confusing (sorry, I'm writing these down as they come to me - I have a few scattered notes I refer to), mainly because you're introducing a character simply known as Thompson, visiting a house where the Thompson's live, and then starting off (after the dream) at another Thompson house.  It just gets kind of confusing for someone being plunged right in with no knowledge of the characters, that's all. Find a good way to differentiate so the read isn't so confusing.  And when you refer to Maggie as being "a good 20 years older from the last time we saw her", it makes it more confusing; mainly in the way you worded it.

Besides that, I don't really have any comments I wrote down on formatting or structure, but I just found the story to be lacking as a whole.  As stated before, it lacked originality and started to feel repetitive after awhile.  You do seem rather content on keeping things the way they are though, so I'm not sure what advice to give you, because anything I could think of would demand a pretty drastic overhaul.
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ericdickson
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I suppose I'll have to live with lacking in originality with this one.  It is, after all, just a remake script.  I pretty much wrote this for fun.   I wanted to see how close of a remake I could write that stayed true to the original's atmosphere, simplicity and plot.  It is the best one, right?    

As I said in earlier comments, I kept the dream sequences closer to reality like Wes Craven did in the original.  Nancy just doesn't know when she's dreaming and when it is real and neither does the audience.  It sort of is supposed to be confusing in places.  But not too much.  

I just hated most of the sequels because they tried too hard and weren't confident enough to be simple.  They were loud, obnoxious and too infatuated with the latest CGI effect or making Freddy funnier and crazier than the last movie.  That's what I tried to do here is be simple.  Not break new ground, but retell the original story with a few new twists and turns.  

True fans of the first movie know what I'm talking about and might appreciate the script more than others.  (Or maybe not)  At least they'll know where Im coming from.  That's really who I wrote the script for.  Ones who haven't seen it a hundred times (like I have) might find it a bit dull and not up to today's so called "standards".  

Bigger, better, more Bad A-- seems to be the new thing.  I personally think that's dangerous with remakes.  Don't try to make it bigger and better, make it good.              

As far as the upcoming ANOES remake goes...it will be completely different from Craven's film and go in an entirely different direction.  It will have all the hottest young GAP model actors, huge special fx and a long winded backstory on Freddy and how he became evil.  Who cares???  

And most importantly...most everybody (minus 14 year olds) will probably hate it.  That's usually what happens when you try to be different with a beloved horror franchise.  Look at Rob Zombie.  

I think you should stick to what worked before if you're gonna "re-boot" the franchise.  That's coming from a huge fan of Wes Craven's movie.  In my opinion, the simplicity of this story is what makes it stand out from the other sequels.      

      
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ericdickson
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Quoted from Sham
I read the whole thing. Really good for a fan script.

I'd offer a longer review if I knew whether or not the writer was around to read it.


I thought maybe I should ask around about this.  This is gonna bug me all night.  Some are liking this, others think its lack of originality kills the script.  

I'd like to get some opinions on horror remakes.  Should Hollywood try to stay true to the original films or go in a completely new direction?  What do people really want from these re-boots?  Or do they even want these new re-boots?  That's the bigger question.
  
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Old Time Wesley
Posted: September 1st, 2009, 2:53am Report to Moderator
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I don't want reboots of average horror films that are only liked because of the villain. Of the three main ones Freddy has the most potential to have great movies being made because anything can happen but never does.

The only thing the remakes have going for them is better acting and better effects. That doesn't make a good film.

People make excuses for the films.

I respect your intentions with this script but I think as a writer if you're going to do a fanfic it should be everything you'd want and not something to please perfectionists on the franchise. If this is exactly how you wanted it okay but if this is how you think they (fanboys) would want it then you made a mistake.

Did you even have the scene where Freddy comes out of the wall? That scene is awesome in the first film and they did it with spandex, I believe they said. Now it would be done in a computer and cost thousands.

Why copy anything if you're not trying to make it better? You obviously don't want opinions on the script, you just want fans to say they love it.

I hope you don't make excuses for your original stuff or you'll be hard pressed to get any reads. If all you want is one line praise that's cool, it saves people from actually reading it.

This is exactly why I dislike the posting of fanfics because nobody wants to improve.


Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.
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ericdickson
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Quoted from Old Time Wesley
I don't want reboots of average horror films that are only liked because of the villain. Of the three main ones Freddy has the most potential to have great movies being made because anything can happen but never does.

The only thing the remakes have going for them is better acting and better effects. That doesn't make a good film.

People make excuses for the films.

I respect your intentions with this script but I think as a writer if you're going to do a fanfic it should be everything you'd want and not something to please perfectionists on the franchise. If this is exactly how you wanted it okay but if this is how you think they (fanboys) would want it then you made a mistake.

Did you even have the scene where Freddy comes out of the wall? That scene is awesome in the first film and they did it with spandex, I believe they said. Now it would be done in a computer and cost thousands.

Why copy anything if you're not trying to make it better? You obviously don't want opinions on the script, you just want fans to say they love it.

I hope you don't make excuses for your original stuff or you'll be hard pressed to get any reads. If all you want is one line praise that's cool, it saves people from actually reading it.

This is exactly why I dislike the posting of fanfics because nobody wants to improve.



In a nutshell, all Im saying is that the new film will be completely different, crap all over the memory of the first and be unrecognizable to the franchise.  People will most likely hate it.  They will say something like "Where's Johnny Depp's death scene?"  "Where's Freddy's big arms?"  Hollywood will try something brave and it won't work.  So yeah...Im defending this script on that basis.  

Sorry you didn't like it, but I do.  As a fan, I like the direction I went with this.  I can't agree with you if I really don't agree with you.  Thanks for your opinion.

          
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Sham
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Quoted from ericdickson


I thought maybe I should ask around about this.  This is gonna bug me all night.  Some are liking this, others think its lack of originality kills the script.  

I'd like to get some opinions on horror remakes.  Should Hollywood try to stay true to the original films or go in a completely new direction?  What do people really want from these re-boots?  Or do they even want these new re-boots?  That's the bigger question.
  


Hey Jack,

It's been a long time since I've read this script (March!), and I apologize for never writing up a formal review. I really should have. I'll try to mention some things I liked off the top of the head.

SPOILERS!

1) As a remake, it not only did a pretty good job of staying faithful to the original film, but also to the whole series. I really dug the climax at the junkyard.

2) Glen's death is not just awesome; it's better than the one that inspired it.

3) I liked the character development, especially the laundry room scene between Nancy and Tina. It felt real to me.

4) I loved how when Nancy's dad shows up at the party, everyone tries to stall him. It was funny, and it actually made me somewhat care about a majority of the kids. They felt real to me.

5) I loved Freddy's arm stretching out to unlock the front door. Such a simple visual, yet completely effective.

6) I liked Freddy's entrails turning to snakes. Cool visual.

7) Tina's death was solid; I liked the fact that she died in the middle of a huge party at her own house. The actual remake has something like this planned, but it's nowhere near as effective as yours.

Those are the things that came immediately to mind. I wish I could be more help with my thoughts, but man, it really has been a long time since I've read this.


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ericdickson
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Quoted from Sham


Hey Jack,

It's been a long time since I've read this script (March!), and I apologize for never writing up a formal review. I really should have. I'll try to mention some things I liked off the top of the head.

SPOILERS!

1) As a remake, it not only did a pretty good job of staying faithful to the original film, but also to the whole series. I really dug the climax at the junkyard.

2) Glen's death is not just awesome; it's better than the one that inspired it.

3) I liked the character development, especially the laundry room scene between Nancy and Tina. It felt real to me.

4) I loved how when Nancy's dad shows up at the party, everyone tries to stall him. It was funny, and it actually made me somewhat care about a majority of the kids. They felt real to me.

5) I loved Freddy's arm stretching out to unlock the front door. Such a simple visual, yet completely effective.

6) I liked Freddy's entrails turning to snakes. Cool visual.

7) Tina's death was solid; I liked the fact that she died in the middle of a huge party at her own house. The actual remake has something like this planned, but it's nowhere near as effective as yours.

Those are the things that came immediately to mind. I wish I could be more help with my thoughts, but man, it really has been a long time since I've read this.


Thanks for the read.  Im glad it was enjoyable to another fan of the series, which it seems like you are.    

Like I said, not breaking new ground here, just an updated spin on the first film with more attention paid to these four kids and their true connection to Freddy.  Why does he come after them and not other kids?  

The junkyard scenes with the killer skeleton are obviously borrowed from part 3 - the second best and most popular in the series.

So I picked all my favorite stuff from the series and put my own spin on it.  I thought this was the best way to go for a remake.  

                    

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