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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short  ›  Dead End Street Moderators: bert
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  Author    Dead End Street  (currently 429 views)
SimplyScripts
Posted: February 28th, 2009, 6:57pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Dead End Street by Peter Pearson (muse32) - Short, Horror - The story is about a group of movie influenced psychopaths, taking it on themselves to make their own horror movie. Plaguing the streets with death, they post their victims murder's on the internet to lure viewers to watch, not knowing viewing, they'll be next in line. - pdf, format


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Tommyp
Posted: February 28th, 2009, 7:58pm Report to Moderator
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Continuity Is For Pussies...

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Just finished this script. Few points...

Technical things...

-"amy" to "Amy" on page 2.
-"there" not "their" on page 5.
-"you're" not "your" on page 9
-Missing a few questions marks on page 13.
-"There" not "Their" on page 21.
-"There" not "Their" on page 25.

-This might sound better, "David looks at his right hand at the clawed glove" if you changed it to, "David looks at the clawed glove on his right hand"

-Why did he turn the landing light on twice on page 15?

-Too much gore I think. I'm not a fan of the horror genre, so that's probably why.

-Describe the important characters the first time we meet them.

Overall this was a cool idea. It worked well.


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Muse32
Posted: March 3rd, 2009, 11:05am Report to Moderator
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Aspiring Screen Writer

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Thanks for reading this.

Page 15 part is a hint that someone is upstairs, being so busy he forgets he already turned the light on he does it again, good you noticed it, probably be better applied on screen.

Im revising my feature thats in the horror section called FURY, im very aware that my descriptive writing and spelling is off, so im concerntrating alot on this. I'd like to think im getting better at this so far from my current revision.

Any other readers wanna give a review on the story?


-- CLICK ON ME TO READ MY SCRIPTS --

Sent to Hell (Short, Horror) FURY (120+ page Feature, Horror) Dead End Street (29 page Short, Horror) March of the Martyr (6 page Short, Drama)

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Muse32  -  July 5th, 2009, 3:34pm
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