Okay I'm writing an action short, and I'm not too sure how a chase would equal the same amount of 1 page = 1 minute of screen time.

Here is a bit from my new action short (Submitting it soon... if you like this, check it out) and I'm wondering if I should break it up, and other bits in the short, more.

Should the sentences be shorter, too?

On Final Draft, it obviously looks different to this, with the middle paragraphs being two lines.

Quoted Text Amanda sprints past an open window. She jumps over an overturned wheelbarrow, as she dodges an overhanging tree branch. Steve follows closely after her. Amanda bursts out onto the footpath. She turns left and sprints down the road, as Steve comes out from the side of the house. Amanda pushes down a rubbish bin, that Steve neatly jumps over. Amanda runs into the front yard of a house. She runs up to the front door. She frantically attempts to open it, but it is locked. Amanda runs to a window besides the door. She climbs through it, but struggles. Steve runs across the front yard, quickly approaching Amanda. Amanda struggles to fit in the window. Steve is nearly upon her... just as Amanda manages to squeeze through. She slams the window shut, locking it. She disappears inside the house.

Thanks guys.

Yes, short little burst are always best, as you have it laid out here... I would, however, format it like this.

Amanda sprints past an open window - She jumps over an overturned wheelbarrow, as she dodges an overhanging tree branch.

Steve follows closely after her.

And so forth and so on... The hyphens are lead throughs and add flow to your structure. Where as the period is kind of a stop and go.  If you ever have your script professionally critiqued they willl almost always red flag periods in action slugs and have you replace them with hyphens.   Now, the period is still needed for structure, don't get me wrong... It's just when you are trying to convey a fast series of events the hyphen is always the best way of laying it out for the reader.

Trottier did this a lot too.

Shalom, Tommy!

Here's what I noticed:

as Amanda manages to squeeze through.

as Steve comes out from the side of the house.

Just:

as Amanda manages to squeeze through.

*** Note that I'm not strong with action, but more dialogue; nevertheless:

I feel that the use of "as" is very passive. If you consider it from the structure of our sentences, you'll notice that "by the time you get to" AS, it's an afterthought and:

THEREFORE:

When you want your action to be Up-To-The-Moment ...

Don't use "as". Only use "as" when you want it to be a kind of "continuing action" where it's more of "a build" and not not a climax. Try and think about it as sexuality and I think you'll get it.

Luvya,

Sandra

Amanda aqueezes through a very conveniently open window...inside, she spies a
conveniently open bottle of Jagermeister - she take a four second pull before she realizes that Steve is still chasing her.

Steve comes through the still open window like an arrow out of Robin Hood's bow.  His head hits the still open bottle of Jagie like a torpedo out of a WWII submarine.

The thick, cough syrup-like liquid spills all overboth of them - making them look like they just got out of a Jageer car wash.

Note the use of dashes - try to imitate this throughout your script and you'll be golden.

You can thank me later, after it sells.

Quoted from Dreamscale Amanda aqueezes through a very conveniently open window...inside, she spies a conveniently open bottle of Jagermeister - she take a four second pull before she realizes that Steve is still chasing her. Steve comes through the still open window like an arrow out of Robin Hood's bow.  His head hits the still open bottle of Jagie like a torpedo out of a WWII submarine. The thick, cough syrup-like liquid spills all overboth of them - making them look like they just got out of a Jageer car wash. Note the use of dashes - try to imitate this throughout your script and you'll be golden. You can thank me later, after it sells.

You continue to write with us; we prove to be on THAT ROLL and we'll all be thankful

to each other.



To imagine our diversity, and to further imagine our connection?

--THAT! Is really exciting!!!

Sandra

Baltis and Jeff, thanks for the dashes tip. I've never used them before, so now is a good time to start.

Sandra, thanks. I'll try not to use "as" as (oops, did it again), much.

Here's my thought on it. One thing you can get away with in screenplays is not using the subject over and over. Another thing is since we're watching the action as it unfolds, there are no as's. It just happens. You would break up the action lines into what amounts to separate shot, so Steve would have his and Amanda would have hers. It would go something like this.

Quoted from Tommyp Amanda sprints past an open window. Jumps over an overturned wheelbarrow. Dodges an overhanging tree branch. Steve follows closely after her. Amanda bursts out onto the footpath. Turns left. Sprints down the road Steve comes out from the side of the house. Amanda pushes down a rubbish bin that Steve neatly jumps over. Amanda runs into the front yard of a house. Runs to the front door. Frantically attempts to open it. Locked. She runs to a window besides the door. Attempts to climb through it. Steve runs across the front yard, quickly approaching Amanda. Amanda struggles to fit in the window. Steve rapidly closes in on Amanda. Amanda manages to squeeze through. Slams the window shut. Locks it. Disappears inside the house.

I've never heard of or seen the dash thing before.

Quoted from George Willson I've never heard of or seen the dash thing before.

I bet you have George - you just didn't notice.

They can be very handy - useful.

It's possible. I know how to use it grammatically. I probably overlooked whatever usage it has in action paragraphs in favor of just plain old grammar.

To be fair, and most anyone worth their salt in the business will tell you... Screenplays are grade school literature. They are not works of art and will never win over the New York best sellers list. Screenplays are a crude, rough, draft and blue print of a movie.

The hyphens in action slugs are absolutely acceptable, Tommy.  Now, when you write standard descriptions it's always best to use the period. When you're writing fast paced action - the hyphen, as I mentioned, is a great lead through.

Some people even write their actions like this...


--
A man runs down a busy street.

He ducks down a grungy alley way.

He leaps onto a fire escape ladder and pulls himself up.
--
They do write like that aswell, but there is no one right or wrong way to format a screenplay outside the standard rules. You can make it flow how you want.

Commonly known as the em-dash.

Personally, Tommy, I wouldn't worry about how it breaks up -- what you have is fine, imo.  I would focus more on making your action lines flow in a much more compelling way.  Keep the reader hooked with an evocative narrative.

I'd say focus on the language -- try to imagine you're (verbally) telling the scene to a group of spellbound friends.