Through The Fur Trap, Simply by Anonymous - Comedy, Other - A group of Simply Scripts members are teleported into a script written by Usaking. Can they satisfy the Great Vagina and return home in time to stop a public reading of the script? 76 pages - pdf, format

Erm. I have an idea who this is. And it isn't UK. It's fucking hilarious! I am actually in pain now from the first few pages. I also feel rather ill. More tomorrow. I need a clear head and this is no way to spend a Saturday night. Pia, is this you? John Wayne, is that you?

Hmm...

And I thought this was suppose to be a family friendly site.  I got to page 51 and I'm falling out of my chair.  I'm thinking man if Usaking reads this.  For the most part it's written okay, but in poor taste.

But that's just me.

Ghostwriter22

I never did like these simply-scripts.  For the most part, they're just shallow jokes at the SS-ers expense.  This one is no different.  I stopped reading at page ten.  Characterization, IMHO, was non-existent if not completely inaccurate. The closest to any real characterization was with Sandra's and it was a lame charactature.

The next simply-script could focus on my inability to spell charactature.


Phil

I thought this captured usaking's way of imagination, but at the same time managed to portray the SS characters pretty well.

If you look past the parts that might offend some people, I think it was well written and well structured.

Is this for everyone? No, but I personally love when people dare to do something different.

Btw, I never said I thought usaking's script was brilliant, just his imagination and bizarreness...

Also, I did LOVE my Cockaroo. He was my favorite character.

I liked this.

It was funny and imaginative.

If you don't know who USAking is, you may not like this as much. If you don't know many of the people around SS, you may not like this as much. If you don't like crude humour, you may not like this as much.

(as those who do apply to the above thing)

This would be a very interesting animation.

Well done to the writer, I laughed out loud many times and was a quick, fun read.

Quoted from me I thought this captured usaking's way of imagination, but at the same time managed to portray the SS characters pretty well. If you look past the parts that might offend some people, I think it was well written and well structured. Is this for everyone? No, but I personally love when people dare to do something different. Btw, I never said I thought usaking's script was brilliant, just his imagination and bizarreness... Also, I did LOVE my Cockaroo. He was my favorite character.

I heartily agree with that.

I think taking existing characters that are unique to this board and weaving a script around them is, at the very least, an interesting exercise for a writer.

And the ability to make people laugh using just the printed word is an underestimated one.

I think if folks get easilt offended then they really shouldn't be posting on an internet discussion board and should go hiding under their duvets.

This script is an excellent pastiche and parody of a unique style of writing using characters known to all here. It's also hilarious and I for one would like to shake the writer's hand.

RV

Quoted from rendevous I think if folks get easily offended then they really shouldn't be posting on an internet discussion board and should go hiding under their duvets.

Just wanted to point out the obvious irony here: "Open your mind or get out!" Way to promote tolerence, RV.

I've read up to about page 20, and it is actually quite funny. Not very funny, but I did have a smile on my face. I think Jeff should somehow have mentioned 'passive verbage' when telling everyone the vagina wasn't formatted properly.

Since, I have an essay due in tomorrow that's nowhere near completed, I'll probably keep the reading this. For a while. And then I'll do the essay. I promise.

Quoted from JonnyBoy Just wanted to point out the obvious irony here: "Open your mind or get out!" Way to promote tolerence, RV.

Quite. This is a script site though and I really don't like censorship.

My take on it is - if you get offended easily nobody is making you post or comment or read. If you come across something offensive hit close and go back to Sleepless In Seattle or something you enjoy.

Peace and love man.

Rendevous

Personally found this a lot more entertaining than any of the real usaking scripts, so congrats to anonymous.  Thoroughly disgusting too, but in a good way.

Ha! This had some awesome lines! I'm pretty sure I know who did it!  Good one!

Having read this, I feel like I know Phil, Sandra, Pia, Tommy, Jordan, et. al on the most intimate of levels.

I need a shower.

Well, now I definitely feel like I need to pee.    

Truly, some of the subtlety that was caught inside this completely absurd script is what I enjoy. Inside of this crazy world, we actually get to witness some characters that we know are real. The verisimilitude that lies underneath the wildness is what gives this script its charm.

And of course, this brings a new meaning to the words we know: Where "writing lots of s***" is our fancy.

I laughed a lot throughout this. It was the contrast between what is real and fantasy that makes me love this so much. But then, I love the absurd because we do live in a completely absurd world. Once you find that absurdity and can feel it, you can really meet the Penis God and smile.

Here:

BERT
We aren’t going any further this
way.

To everyone’s disappointed faces.

Several times in this script, I heard a totally serious tone, but not serious at all. I could see the actors working with this. It's when writing rises above itself.

Here with Jeff's dying words:

JEFF
Tell usaking -- I didn’t like it.

JEFF
Didn’t like it at all.

I just loved it because it's so very true to his character and I don't think I'd want to see it any other way. If Jeff had any kind of character arc, it shouldn't happen for a long time. Else it wouldn't be him.

Here:

PIA
You can understand him?!

SANDRA
Somewhat. He’s speaking a dialect
of Dingdongian.

PIA
What’s he saying?

BERT
I don’t want to know.

PHIL
I do.

SANDRA
Well, I don’t get it all but
roughly it translates to. “Stick it
in deeper. Ooo Ahh. That feels real
good”.

This rings true. And I think I could get into the groove with those lines even though I'm purely trying to educate. Wait, I think I was redundant.

Regarding rules:

>
BERT
Rules. There’s no rules here. If
there were, 12 year old girls
wouldn’t masturbate with lollipops.
I’m sorry but no. I’ll find my own
way out.

Lollipops are against the rules? Is there a police officer in the audience? Can a person buy a license?

Seriously this:

>BERT
It looks -- like an anus.

PIA
So then we’re standing on a what? A
volcanus?

**Note: Actually means a lot more to me than it might you.

>BERT
It would seem so.

**Tee-he I'm a bean.

Here, had ta love the suspense together with the humor:

PIA
Well I don’t like the sound of it.

Bert, come off of the ledge now.

And here:

SAGUARO COCKTUS

I thought: Ah yes! Latin and Vestus Verum Reddit.

Here I was like:

SANDRA
Home, Phil. Shelton wanted to go
home.

And really! I thought: "It's scary how much this rings true." I definitely have spoken that line of dialogue before in real life.

Now let's see how many posts exclaiming that "It's scary how much this rings true" point to drinking beverages that are chock full of our s***.

For my dear Jordon I thought:

What a perfect way to go!

MUFF
They say they tried to stop him.
Some milk from Tittyball is good
but too much...

I always say, if it's time to go, might as well be doing something you love!!!

We should all be so lucky.

Here:

PHIL
Shelton tried but his dick was too
small. That only leaves me, now.
As usual, I’m the one who will have
to be the hero. I have to satisfy
the Great Vagina. This. Is. My.
Destiny. And also my curse.

What was funny here was that I heard Phil speaking completely seriously, not a tone of humor in his voice. Priceless.

But not as priceless as this:

PHIL
But you all should count yourselves
lucky that it is I who must do this
daunting task. Because everyone,
everyone in this world, knows that
I am a much bigger dick than
Shelton.

Sandra chuckles despite herself.

***Sandra did.

SANDRA
It looks small to me. Micro
actually. I don’t see how you
going to satisfy..

PHIL
Do you mind?! How am I supposed to
perform if you keep insulting me?

PHIL
I feel that I should say something
to mark this momentous occasion --
I got it -- This is one small f***
for man but one large f*** for
mankind.

**Now that is simply remarkable to imagine!

Here:

A Vaginian, FISH PIE, enters out of breath. He seems anxious
as he shouts a few word of Vaginish at Muff.

More laughter from this peanut gallery here!!!

I don't know. Maybe it goes back to

Norm Sherman's Melody from the Drabblecast:


You're my quasi Ichthean Angel
You're my half amphibian queen
You're the overlord of my universe
The tormentor of my dreams

You're my starry eyed web foot wonderful
You're swallow my sanity
You're my fish-frog sweetheart
Baby let me be your filthy gibbering
Lunatic priest

** So yes, the FISH PIE just had me laughing from its varied connotations. And the image. Just too funny!

And this is very spot!

PIA
(sarcastic)
A hand-job? Oh! That’s so
unexpected.
(as if to a pet)
Does the big old cactus want the
pretty girl to rub his aching
stiffy. Yes he does. Yes he...Ow.

Pia pulls her finger away, blood flows from where her finger
was pricked.

The Cocktus jumps to fully erect.

Pia sucks the blood from her finger. Then her eyes open wide
when she notices the erect Cocktus.

Anger.

PIA
And a F**king sadist too! This is
going to be a hell of a lot tougher
than I thought.

There is an air about Pia's quality that lends itself perfectly to the way this scene comes out. Comes out. Te-he!

Here:

SANDRA
Don’t you want to meet twoop-twoop?

JORDAN
You go on ahead. I want to play
Tittyball. I’ll be in after the
game.

** You just have to know the characters to understand this.

I think you did a splendid job with this s****y script. I love it!!!

Sandra

Okay. It's been close to a week and no one has freaked out or even attempted to guess who wrote this... So, I'm going to fess up to it.  

Thanks to everyone that read it.  It was an absolute blast to write and it was done with love of the characters and the spirit of fun in mind.  

The funniest thing for me was that I had worried I was off on my Phil character but after his response to this thread, I'm sure I wasn't.  

Anyway, cheers again.  

Quoted from mcornetto Okay. It's been close to a week and no one has freaked out or even attempted to guess who wrote this... So, I'm going to fess up to it... The funniest thing for me was that I had worried I was off on my Phil character but after his response to this thread, I'm sure I wasn't.   Anyway, cheers again.

What? No! It was me.
I'm Spartacus!
I'm Spartacus!

No I'm Brian.
I'm Brian!
I'm Brian and so's my wife.

Ah, now then. I guessed wrong. Hmm. Anyways McCone, well done. Good idea and a good read. And, from the sounds of it, you were spot on.

Good work fella.