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CatMatch[dot]com by Will Ball (albinopenguin) - Short - If you're a cat owner, then you know dating can be rough (and sparse). Not anymore though thanks to CatMatch.com! 3 pages - pdf, format
In all honesty, I enjoyed the hell out of this. It's a bit long for a commercial, but you had all the right stuff in it. I laughed at a lot of things. Out loud. It was fantastic. it did go on for a bit with the whole "Questions like..." and "You'll answer to questions such as..." and produce a sample or two. That got a bit tiring, but overall, I loved it. Especially one of Kim's last lines "In fact, I find it arousing".
Just a few complaints about format: don't capitalize the characters' names after you introduce them. Also, for the end, add some kind of ending transition. FADE OUT, THE END, that kind of stuff. You just leave us with an incomplete page, from what it looks like..
hilarious, good stuff. Nothing to add really, enjoyed it. Visually I think it would be a little boring, If I was to actually film it I'd probably want some other stuff in there, stereotypically happy couples fresh from the website, playing with cats together. Maybe some testimonials... just so its not the two people. And the last line, seems like there would be a pause in the last line. I might format it more like 'So put it to rest...not your cat.' As it reads now its a little flat.
Other than that, laughed several times, which isnt bad for three pages. Definately going to check out your other stuff now.
Mine: HARD CASE (65 Pages) Stealing the case is just the beginning...
APU (80 pages) A city where superheroes are murderers and villains walk through walls...
This is the read of the day for me . I choose this because is very short but now i feel i make the right choice...
Very funny staff here i like most of the lines. This is a good example how a huge piece of dialogue without action can work really well. If you put action in between the scene would be bad. Now its perfect.
By the way you miss a fade out as Zombie Sean said, for a second i thought that there is more.
I Google the catmatch.com and its accually a site there. So is this a real story???
I thought this was a good script. My only complaint with it is that it ran a little long. I would delete the worst of the one-liners and shorten the script by a page.
BTW, you should use INTERCUT to describe going back and forth between Kim and Steve.
thank you everyone for the kind reviews! and yes, i did forget a few things. thanks for pointing them out.
quick question though- do you use INTERCUT in the descriptions or between the bits of dialogue? thanks again!
oh and i had no idea there was a catmatch.com. i just wanted to put a unique spin on online dating commercials and thought that inserting cats would make it entertaining
Finally checked this out. Definitely funny stuff. Could also be filmed really easily. That said, a few jokes didn't quite work. I'd chuck the "shriveling eggs" and "pooping in litter box" jokes. They weren't edgy per se but edgy for this script, I felt, where the charm lay in the awkwardness and general weirdness. I'd save those two for another script. Also, the use of "nom nomming" as a verb doesn't quite work, no matter how you spin it. Better off just to reference some LOL cats.
Also, if there is indeed a catmatch.com, I'd change the title. Say you wanted to make this site for real? You'd have to. It's like Dave Chappelle said. There's always some moron who's gonna try and call up Indiana Jones for real. Same goes here.
Overall, good stuff for what it is. I can't really comment too much more as the script is already so simple. Hope this helps.
That was pretty funny. Especially to cat owners, I'm sure.
At 2.5 pages with only dialogue, this would run pretty quick so I don't think you really need to trim it really. Except for this maybe. I didn't understand it. "how funny do think cats nom noming on".
You need to have (CON'T) where the dialogue goes over to the next page.
Good work!
Btw, have you noticed that there never are any Tuxedos in commercials? I've only seen one and in that one the cat attacked the owner. I think all those who've owned a tuxedo knows that they will not cooperate enough to be in a commercial.
sorry guys for getting back to you so late- i was on holiday
james- thanks so much for the read. and as always, you offered some solid advice. as seen in me's response, i think the "nom noming" is a little too specific and alienates my audience. i'd have better luck using something more generic...something involing cats and cheezburgers perhaps. and i did look it up, and no, catmatch.com does not exist. and you cant go wrong citing dave chappelle especially in a review. i cant NOT disagree with you when you quote him haha
scription- thanks buddy! really glad you enjoyed it
me - yeah im going back and forth about whether or not to trim it. in all honesty, i really dont want to because i feel there's a lot of good one liners in it. and the "nom nomming" was in reference to icanhascheezburger.com - its a site with pictures of cats containing funny captions around them (and pretty much the reason why im not nearly productive as i should be). and you know, now that you mentioned it, i havnt seen any tuxedos on tv. like you suggested, maybe they dont train well. my sister owns a tuxedo and its the biggest bitch ive ever met (plus it has an asshole the size of a silver dollar pancake...but i digress). thanks so much for the read and im glad you enjoyed it as well.
This reminded me of a Saturday Night Live skit. I didn't think it was a funny as some of the previous readers mentioned but it'd be a humorous YouTube video. You should film it or send it to the Higgonaitior and see if he'll do it. Also I agree with McClung that the "pooping in the litter box line" was over the top.
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