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A Flag For Koblinsk by Richard Buckley (cathead) - Short, Comedy - A subtle, indepth examination of leadership, or a cheap excuse for randomness...You decide. 2 pages - pdf, format
Okay, I vote the latter - this is basically a skit. And you should name your speakers otherwise the reader really doesn't pay attention to who's speaking.
I'm not sure if there was enough here to constitute a skit. It read like you ran out of steam after establishing the scenario.
And, with it being as short as it is, I had problems with the dialog. Would the president of a country use the word gonna and the phrase for Christ fucking sake?
I didn't get it. It's supposed to be a joke right? So where's the punchline? If there is one than it flew over my head. I did enjoy your writing style though. Very confident.
I'd like to thank you all for your comments, (sorry for the late reply, broken computer)
I agree with Phil, I did struggle to come to end of what was just a play about with randomness, you are right about the dialogue also.
I normally do name my characters but with this being so short I thought I get away with a sense of vagueness. But you all know your stuff so i'll heed your warnings and keep plugging away.
so this wasnt a bad read, but by no means was it an impressionable one. i know its a skit, yet most skits are either completely random or clearly focused. i think you tried to do both in this, and in doing so, you ruined the sketch. heres what i mean. so a majority of this skit is just pure randomness right? but then you tried to have a clear punchline at the end- and i dont think it works well. if i were you id either be 100% random, including the end or come up with a better, more precise idea, for a sketch with the same characters, setting, etc. i would vote for the latter