Pray by Paul J. Williams - Short, Horror - A reporter interviews a death row inmate to discover the truth. 5 pages - pdf, format

This was not a good script, Paul.  What you basically did was taken a feature length story idea--one that's been done too many times to count--and crammed it into five pages.  As a result, you have a couple of hastily developed characters thrown into a violent concept.  Because it is so short, there's no time for you to develop them.  And there's no time for the reader to care about them.

You tell us why Alexa is the way she is, but you don't show.  If anything, you show us the complete opposite. Was she lying to Michele about her life?  If so, why? Why the mutilation?  Why anything?

In today's world, you can't just explain evil characters as 'crazy' anymore.  You have to explain why she does evil things, being crazy (as opposed to good things, being crazy).

I thought your descriptions, in the story, were very tight.  And this is a good thing.  Many writers go on and on with their descriptions of things; you kept yours brief.  That's a big plus. Stay like this and concentrate on your storytelling skills.

Hope this helps.


Phil

I'm with Phil.  This could have been a good script if it was drawn out more.

One main problem I had was the nursery scene.  The babies would have been named Smith Boy or Jones Girl.  Hospitals don't put the first names on babies' bracelets since parents tend to change their minds a lot.