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Not On My Beat! by Johnny Mann - Drama, Crime - As he struggles to discover who framed four young men for murder, a retired cop unwittingly puts his wife in mortal danger when the real murderers turn out to be dirty cops and a judge who'll do anything to keep their secrets. 115 pages - pdf, format
On the nose dialogue and cliche beginning. Telling me the cops are all rogue up front, and the ex-con, give it all away. There's no suspense. I know who all the bad guys are.
Did you ever see THE NEGOTIATOR? How about MAGNUM FORCE? Lot of bad cop movie to choose from.
Oh Boy Oh Berto! There's got to be at least 25 mistakes on the first page alone!
C'mon now...
How about for starters, fill in the title page, as opposed to having a generic, unfilled in title page and then one that you did make? That would help for sure.
And how about, deleting those 2 extra blank pages on the end of the script?
I know a bunch of people may find these remarks to be ridiculous and out of line, but I'm serious. If you can't be serious enough about your script to see these glaring mistakes up front, why should anyone be serious (or stupid) enough, to read this thing?
As Clorox noted, really poor intro filled with poor writing, unfilmables, give-aways that I highly doubt we should know within the first 20 seconds, and just comical, on the nose dialogue.
I'm sorry, but I've come across so many scripts today that seem like zero effort was put into.
If you are serious, alot of people here will help.