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Hi, I was wondering if anyone could help me with a problem?
How would one go about writing a character VOICE OVER... OVER a MONTAGE?
Should it even be labelled as such or maybe labelled as A SERIES OF SHOTS? Or maybe not even labelled at all and just have the images written in the action in between the broken passages of Voice Over?
To demonstrate, here's an exert of some work.
TONY (V.O.) From the very moment I made that promise, I knew I wasn't going to be able to keep it. Strange thing is, I'm sure Alice knew it too. She never questioned it though. I suppose she just took comfort in the intention that we'd be together forever. We both did. But nothing's forever...
Tony is busy at work, unloading barrels from a truck.
TONY (V.O.) (CONT'D) It was 1940, just a year after the start of the war. I was working down at the docks in one of the mills when my leg was crushed in an accident.
A stray barrel rolls out of the truck. It lands on Tony crushing his leg.
TONY (V.O.) (CONT'D) Put me out of commission for three months. Was in the hospital for two.
Tony lies in a hospital bed. His leg raised in traction.
I've run into similar problems before but ended up just having each scene/shot as a slugline since it already breaks up the monologue a bit. And you probably should too, given the hospital is a different location than the other 2 shots in your sequence.
Yeah, I thought about this but ultimately, I think new sluglines are just gonna bog down the read. The way I rationalize it is; we don't ever fully integrate into these "scenes", they're merely images, and so they should be written as such. I think the reader, with the help of the dialogue, can get a "feel" of moving through different locations/scenes and don't necessarily have to be explicitly told via a jarring slug.
That's the way I look at it.
Cheers again.
PS: One of my bigger problems was, HOW to GET INTO these images? Do I use a CUT TO:? Then the subheading "A SERIES OF SHOTS"?
For the time being, I've just settled on writing it in action in just plain English like so: "Tony's VOICE OVER is accompanied by the corresponding images. The first sees Tony busy at work, unloading barrels from a truck".
I think this might be the simplest and cleanest way to do it.
Yeah, it depends on context within the read, too. If anything, you might consider putting emphasis on the truck and the hospital somehow, either caps or underline, if you want to be sure the reader notices the shots. Otherwise, you're thinking is probably fine. It flows well enough to work either way.
Here is one of my favorite examples of the sort of technique you are (I think) attempting to utilize.
It is from the (under-rated) script for "Salton Sea". I really like this bit, which occurs very early in the script. Multiple locations all tied together with V.O. Hope it helps you out a bit.
Code
INT. LABORATORY - DAY
EXTREME CLOSE-UP of a glass pipette dripping a clear liquid into a
glass beaker.
DANNY (V.O.)
Methedrene was first distilled by a
Japanese scientist before WWII.
Hand it to the Japanese, they knew a
good thing when they saw it.
INT. JAPANESE ZERO - DAY
A wide-eyed, jaw-grinding KAMIKAZE PILOT with a death-grip on the
controls.
DANNY (V.O.)
This guy's so tweaked, he probably thinks
he can survive this without a scratch.
STOCK BATTLE FOOTAGE - a Japanese Zero crashes into a battleship,
bursting into a ball of flames.
DANNY (V.O.)
Maybe not.
(beat)
By some estimates, 2% of the Japanese
population had a meth problem after
the war: factory workers, soldiers,
pilots. Maybe that's why it took two
bombs to get 'em to surrender. A
nuclear blast is just a minor
nuisance to a determined tweaker.
INT. HOUSE - DAY
A wide-eyed, June Cleaveresque housewife in a picture-perfect white
dress vacuums the floor of a picture-perfect house.
DANNY (V.O)
In the fifties, the housewives got
ahold of it. Dexedrine. Benzedrine.
Methedrene ...
She attacks the same spot over and over again, one hand clutching the
vacuum, the other stiffly holding a cigarette.
DANNY (cont'd)
Now that's a classic speed freak for
you, skinny and cleaning the house. I'll
bet her poor husband never knew what
hit him in the sack either.
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
THE LEG OF THE BED rattling and bouncing loudly off the floor.
STOCK FOOTAGE - J.F.K. pumping the hand of NIKITA KRUSCHEV.
DANNY (V.O.)
There were even rumors that one of
our presidents dabbled with
mysterious "energy shots". Imagine
that: a slammer in the White House.
Kennedy talking animatedly.
DANNY (cont'd)
If it's true, I'll bet ol' Krushchev
never got a word in edgewise.
EXT. TRUCK STOP PARKING LOT - NIGHT
A sleepy-eyed TRUCKER emerges from his tractor-trailer and approaches a
loitering HELL'S ANGELS-type.
DANNY (V.O.)
By the late 60's the government
finally cracked down and sent the
whole thing underground. Bikers
controlled the market for a while.
INT. TRACTOR-TRAILER - NIGHT
The trucker gripping the wheel with the same death-grip as the
Kamikaze.
DANNY (V.O.)
But now anyone with a basic chemistry
kit and the right ingredients can
cook it up at home.
INT. PHARMACY - NIGHT
A CASHIER scanning container after container of COLD MEDICATION.
DANNY (V.O.)
Ever see a long-haired tattooed freak
buying up all the cold medicine he
can lay his hands on at three in the morning.
The cashier looks up at the aforementioned FREAK, a frozen grin
plastered on his face.
DANNY (cont'd)
Take it from me, he ain't got no
cold. He's a cook. Look in his
kitchen and you'll find a whole
grocery list of unsavory ingredients.
INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT
TRACK DOWN the kitchen counter on various containers.
DANNY (V.O.)
Drain cleaner, hydrochloric acid,
match heads for red phosphorus,
ether and of course the cold
medicine .. that's for Ephedrene,
soon to become Methedrene
CONTINUE TRACKING to a series of BURNERS, BEAKERS and TUBING
DANNY (cont'd)
This guy's a regular Julia Child.
Problem is, I'll be even Miss Julia
fucks up the bouillabaisse from time to time.
The freaky cook sees something he doesn't like. His eyes widen.
DANNY (cont'd)
Oh-oh.
EXT. TRAILER - NIGHT
As the structure explodes.
There is alot of VO/Montage in Frank Darabont's Shawshank Redemption:
Example A:
INT -- PRISON LAUNDRY EXCHANGE -- DAY (1947) 41
Red deposits his dirty bundle and moves down the line to where the clean sheets are being handed out.
RED (V.O.) That's how Andy joined our happy little Shawshank family with more than five hundred dollars on his person. Determination.
Leonard catches Red's eye, turns and grabs a specific stack of clean sheets. He hands it across to Red --
TIGHT ANGLE
-- and more than clean laundry changes hands. Two packs of cigarettes slide out of Red's hand into Leonard's.
42 INT -- RED'S CELL -- DAY (1947) 42
Red slips the package out of his sheets, carefully checks to make sure nobody's coming, then rips it open. He pulls out the rock-hammer. It's just as Andy described. Red laughs softly.
RED (V.O.) Andy was right. I finally got the joke. It would take a man about six hundred years to tunnel under the wall with one of these.
Example B:
47 ANDY PLODS THROUGH HIS DAYS. WORKING. EATING. CHIPPING AND 47 shaping his rocks after lights-out...
RED (V.O.) Things went on like that for a while. Prison life consists of routine, and then more routine.
48 ANDY WALKS THE YARD, FACE SWOLLEN AND BRUISED. 48
RED (V.O.) Every so often, Andy would show up with fresh bruises.
49 ANDY EATS BREAKFAST. A FEW TABLES OVER, BOGS BLOWS HIM A KISS. 49
RED (V.O.) The Sisters kept at him. Sometimes he was able to fight them off... sometimes not.
50 ANDY BACKS INTO A CORNER IN SOME DINGY PART OF THE PRISON, wildly swinging a rake at his tormentors.
RED (V.O.) He always fought, that's what I remember. He fought because he knew if he didn't fight, it would make it that much easier not to fight the next time.
The rake connects, snapping off over somebody's skull. They beat the hell out of him.
RED (V.O.) Half the time it landed him in the infirmary...
51 INT -- SOLITARY CONFINEMENT ("THE HOLE") -- NIGHT (1949) 51
A stone closet. No bed, sink, or lights. Just a toilet with no seat. Andy sits on bare concrete, bruised face lit by a faint ray of light falling through the tiny slit in the steel door.
RED (V.O.) ...the other half, it landed him in solitary. Warden Norton's "grain & drain" vacation. Bread, water, and all the privacy you could want.
52 INT -- PRISON LAUNDRY -- DAY (1949) 52
Andy is working the line.
RED (V.O.) And that's how it went for Andy. That was his routine. I do believe those first two years were the worst for him. And I also believe if things had gone on that way, this place would have got the best of him. But then, in the spring of 1949, the powers-that-be decided that...
Wow, thanks bert! Yeah, this helps a lot! The only difference is, my character never directly comments on the images taking place like in the example you've provided. Still, much appreciated though. Cheers.
And thanks also to Eoin. I actually have the PDF of Shawshank having read it about a year ago and LOVED it! Can't believe I didn't think of this earlier!
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Voice Over/Montage?
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