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The Last Interview by F.B. Lagrate - Short, Drama - In today’s chaotic business world, an interview is often difficult to arrange and even more difficult to survive. 9 pages - doc, format
I took a look at this. Right off, I think you may be over describing things. I do this at times, too so remember to only put in what is necessary.
Also, when describing a scene, it's not important to put every single movement. It will make the read much more slower.
You want to cap all your characters when you first intro them.
Then at about page 2, the story becomes two talking heads. An interviewer who we don't really have feelings for and an interviewee that we aren't yet caring for.
I'm very new to this, but I think you may benefit from reading some scripts on here, wherever you can find them. Even though in a short, we don't have as much time to develop our characters, we can still make them likable or at least interesting so that the reader will want to know what happens to them.
One other piece of advice, there are at leaast a few free software programs online which will make script writing and formatting a bit easier once you get the hang of things. I'd get one instead of trying to forge ahead in word.
I couldn't make it past page 4 but if you do a rewrite I'll be glad to take a look again. I'm new too, and it's harder than it looks, but keep working...keep writing and trying to learn. Reading is so important imo. I don't do it enough.
Now I'm guessing that the interviewer was shot by the interviewee - and he wantd to be shot - he was looking for someone of the right calibre?
If that's correct, then the ending is a little unclear ... I think there's be nothing wrong with showing the smoking gun at that stage - but that's up to you.
In some places the writing was quite effective, in others less so - too many exclamation marks - overall I wouldn't say it was brilliantly written, and in particular the formatting needs improving.
I did get the feeling that it could have been effective - but it'd need quite a lot of work going into it.
You have, "hair treated to touch up the grey," How do we know that?
There are plenty of typos.
You have some pretty huge blocks of text. I would break them up. The dialogue is decent, but there isn't much action. Not that there really would be at an interview.
I liked the twist at the end.
It's not the greatest, but after finishing it, I did enjoy it.