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Guitar Dances by Steve Burton (steveb) - Short, Drama - Beverly, a choreographer, observes Joe as a stranger with a walking disability and then discovers his musical talent which leads to mutual inspiration. 9 pages - pdf, format
Dear Steve, Thanks for sharing an intimate part of your writing with the world. It isn't easy I must say. I read the script and far from the format, I felt the story didn't click somewhere.
I felt the first dialogue between Joe and Beverly wouldn't be dialogue one engages in after a moment of passion.
The poetic mode Beverly goes into is also not realistic. Not when Beverly wasn't established as a poetic person in some form or the other. Seems the drivel she spews after seeing Joe is too much, ya think?
The introductory conversation she has with Joe in the park also feels too easy. Are disabled musicians that friendly or is it just Joe?
The gist of the story is there, it's just that there needs to be a few scenes more to be included to tie the scene from where she first sees him on the street to where she actually converses with him at the park. Perhaps a conversation at the street itself - eye contact - maybe a greeting -perhaps she felt sorry that she turned back to give him a few bucks for his busking efforts....
I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts.